Race & Dating: Does It Matter?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by HuwhiteMale, Dec 21, 2018.

  1. HuwhiteMale

    HuwhiteMale Fapstronaut

    Foreword: This is not intended to condone hate, but rather is a discussion of the often censured and taboo topic. The intention is to come to a better understanding of the nuances of dating, a partner's sexual history, and perhaps allay my insecurities.

    I've been seeing a older lady, 8 years my senior, who has at least 8x the sexual experience I have (just in number of partners, never-mind all the practice she has had with them.) Recently I put my foot in my mouth, and I have not seen her in person since, even though we have apologized and made-up on the phone. Hopefully we'll get together tomorrow and I'll be able to ascertain where I stand with her.

    Early into our seeing each other, we discussed each other's sexual past. She told me the number of guys she had, I told her the number of girls I've had. Over the course of our seeing each other, up to the point where I put my foot in my mouth, I've learned that she has had interracial sex in the past, at least 3-4 black guys out of her previous 15+ partners.

    Now some of you may already be crying foul and racism on my part, but hear me out. I didn't care. She was with me, she was fucking me, there was a reason she wasn't with some other guy or a past guy. Skin color doesn't matter to me, in that regard**. If the opportunity presented itself for me to get with a beautiful woman, it doesn't matter whether she was black, brown, beige, white, or any other color. In fact, if I could, I'd have a rainbow harem. Like King Solomon of old, I'd have 300 white wives and 700 concubines of various races.

    (**Even though I would date and have sex with a PoC, I would not breed with them. I do not think miscegenation is a good thing for either party's race or the child. This is my personal preference and you're welcome to call me whatever names you may.)

    With that disclaimer out of the way, here's what actually got to me: She seems to be fixated on skin-color. She seems to have a racial fetish. Early on, she asked me if I watched porn, I said yes, (of course I watched porn, I'm a male in the 21st century) and her next question was, "Interracial porn?" Now, as a white male, upon hearing this my immediate thought was: "Does she watch interracial porn?" Because that would imply to me she likes to see white girls getting ploughed by black guys (just to use the most common interracial pairing.) I have watched interracial porn before, but as a white male, I'm watching white men give it to women of various colors. I have no desire to watch men of other races give it to white women.

    Furthermore, over the course of the next few weeks of seeing each other, she's saying little things like, "He's handsome," referring to a black man (with a white woman) on the show we're watching. (He wasn't what I would call handsome in any sense, even for a black man.) And on another occasion, "Wow, he has such pretty skin." (Again, a black guy.) And on another occasion, "It would be cool if you were a different color - maybe dark blue?" Other such comments floated my way, but I'll spare you.

    I was only slightly peeved by this, but now it's really gotten under my skin (hence this spiel.) Like, if you're dating someone, what's the point of constantly reminding them that you have a fetish for guys or gals of another race? (I've called her out on having this fetish before and she denies it, but why make such comments otherwise unless it was actually on her mind?) What's the point of constantly mentioning racial features you have a preference for, especially if said features are not those your partner has?

    She's a pretty white woman, and I'd like to think I'm a moderately handsome white man. I could maybe even be a Chad if I buckled-down on my physical training. I'd like to think my size is adequate, but I have to wonder, is she thinking about getting boned by Tyrone instead of myself? Why get with me if I don't have features she's prefers or admires or finds attractive? I have to imagine that if I were to constantly mention how little brown Latina chickas with their dark hair and dark eyes are so gorgeous, it would get under her skin, considering she's a blue-eyed, blonde-haired, white woman. What's the deal, fam? Is it a shit test? Is she dense? Of all the ways to turn your partner off, going on and on about how pretty or sexy other people look is something else.

    (Also, for anyone who wants to shoot claims of racism and white supremacy my way, just be aware that an actual racist or white supremacist would not have sex with this girl, much less attempt to love her and be with her. He would not respect her as she would be forever 'tainted'. Actual racists and white supremacists call white girls who have interracial sex or relationships mudsharks and coal-burners and other such names, and say things like "she gets the rope too" and "she's going in the gas chamber." I don't like seeing mixed-race couples, personally, but I'm not about to kill or be rude to anyone over their choice of partner, be it past, present, or future.)
  2. MetaGame

    MetaGame Fapstronaut

    I mean this in a complimentary way that I hope you take seriously enough to look at the way you think and act in the future but based on the last two threads. I think you are just smart enough to almost realize how dumb you are. This is another way of saying that when you have these thoughts or biases put in the extra cognitive effort to be as clear minded and forward thinking as you know you can be if u tried. Might be porn head fog, might be caffeine, might be alcohol who knows but ur like really close.

    Ok so about the other thing. It sorta depends on the personalities. Urs seems like u cant hear that without looking at yourself which this thread shows. I myself am in fact one of those guys that subconsciously and consciously mention other women. Why do I do this? Subconsciously I am feeding ego (at least in the past before I silenced my ego). Consciously I know from different insights and research that some women (more than many would like to admit) do in fact want a guy that is desired by other women. Additionally, it is a veiled communication that I am open and experienced but also that I am indeed wanted and I chose to be with you.

    Now keep in mind some of this is intentional and some of it isnt and some of it is a layered artifact of me not even trying but because I've studied psych, personality science and a bit of pick up artistry I know exactly what certain things project.

    Now in ur case she could very well be saying that ur lucky to be with her cuz she likes black guys. She may be saying this to actually keep u or flex her sexuality or recognition of sexual beauty for her own attraction / validation purposes. She may not even realize this is what she is doing because for many people its subconscious and potentially an argument catalyst. Often with women as well they want acceptance. She is revealing to u that hey I like this, i dont want to be judged for it.

    I use my gf as example. She may mention indian guys pretty often but if she wanted one she would be with one currently right? But she is with me. My other ex who I am friends with and who I encouraged to try nofap as well. She would mention very often she likes black guys and black D . I am mixed but some may call me black. I've no quarrels about my D size since the black half did not disappoint lol but point is often I would ask myself that question. Am I being objectified for my D?
    With other women they would often say u dont have this or u dont act like this or u do that. U can be objectified for ur lack thereof certain qualities or traits as well.
    But all this adds up to that really you shouldnt worry about it. Its one of those undertones of relationship conversations that you really can't obsess about how literally to take it. Like I am also curious if u mention ur miscegenation thing to her and how literally she should take it lol. Which by the way is stupid on so many scientific levels that it would make little sense saying that to anyone IRL as they would be smart enough not to engage with that or react so negatively that they wouldn't be able to articulate just how stupid it is which may make you begin to believe you are right when its really so wrong. Its like arguing with a flat earther.

    Anyway I hope you hear these words in the right way and that you grow upwards in general on your nofap journey. Also this part is important. Generally try to be the best version of yourself, u said urself u may want to work out more and we know ur already on nofap. When u have that confidence in urself and u can proper compare yourself to ur own self. Things like this bother u way less because instead of living up to an imaginary version of other racial often fueled by stereotypes you can just present urself honestly and confidently and if she wants something else you say okay np good luck with that.
    HuwhiteMale likes this.
  3. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

    It matters if you think it matters. Everyone will be different with this. For example, my dating preference is Caucasian women. Its what I like most, I see some pretty women of different ethnicities but Caucasian Protestant women are what I go for.
  4. SheMonk

    SheMonk Fapstronaut

    Race definitely matters some way or another and it clearly matters A LOT to you, from what you wrote.

    Why is it worse that she talks about black men than other white men? Why is the “black” part such a big deal to you? Would a middle eastern featured man have a milder effect on you? Would an Asian man? Is it the fact that you don’t have black features, that bothers you or make you feel insecure? Is it race envy? Or just annoyance that she talks about attractive people that isn’t you?

    It comes across as penis envy. Maybe the stereotype of hyper sexual black men with large penises freaks you out? Or maybe you just can’t grasp that a woman might find certain features attractive which you don’t find attractive / don’t have yourself. Maybe it bothers you because you’re not into interracial pairing unless it’s meaningless objectifying sex. It might be the same for her, in which case you’re a hypocrite for judging her for having interracial sex fantasies when you at the same time don’t mind using women of color for that purpose.

    I suggest you calmly ask her not to flaunt her desires in your face or get over it.

    Also, just because you don’t mind sticking your dick in color, you can still be the most racist person on the planet. :)
  5. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

    If it bothers you, tell her it bothers you and if she crosses that boundary again, then your relationship will have a problem.

    Set a standard for what you expect in the relationship. Set a boundary for what you aren't willing to put up with. Be willing to walk away if she isn't willing to respect you.

    It's about communication. A lot of relationships fall apart just from not communicating and bottling everything up inside until the resentments and passive aggressive behavior destroys it all.
    Robbin6276 and HuwhiteMale like this.
  6. HuwhiteMale

    HuwhiteMale Fapstronaut

    I'm very conscientious of how dumb I am.

    I'm aware of this, and trying to put this into effect is how I inadvertently put my foot in my mouth (referenced in my other thread.) What was suppose to be subtle communication that I am desired by other women, and open and experienced enough to get another woman, back-fired and she got upset.

    This may be the case. Apparently women will mention to their man about how guys hit on them (she does this to me), and this is a good sign that she's revealing this info to you because it tells you she cares enough about you to let you know other guys are hungry for her, so you should work to keep her. My issue is, if I am not her preferred type, why get with me at all? I am also inclined to believe she's been heavily conditioned to 'like' black guys by the media and popular culture.

    When she found out I voted for Trump (she asked) she got really upset. I told her if I was willing to overlook her sexual past, including her inclination to race-mixing, she should overlook my political beliefs (not that she knows any of them, only that I voted for Trump.) After a pause, she hesitantly asked, "Are you a white supremacist?" I had a good laugh.

    How, and what about it, do you find it stupid? Evolutionary forces are constantly at work. The races are the cumulative result of 10s of thousands of years of selective pressures, including environment and nurture. It's not that miscegenation is inherently bad, but it shouldn't be misconstrued as inherently good or morally righteous either.
  7. Agreeing with @Shinsoo on some points. People of African descent tend to have that bigger part that the majority of women tend to prefer. Also, her mentioning of her preferences might be a sign that she is interested in you Really. To me, it seems that she noticed something that you probably did not. Got any other women checking you other partner?

    As @Shinsoo said, some of it is subconscious. Some of it is intentional. Subconscious acts however means that experience was built to act without real thought.
    MetaGame likes this.
  8. HuwhiteMale

    HuwhiteMale Fapstronaut

    I think race is important, yes.

    I think you're misunderstanding me. The point is NOT that she admires the beauty of other races, even I will confess the beauty of a woman or the handsomeness of a man when I see one. The point is that she focuses almost exclusively on skin color. It's not that she likes black men but "black" men. It's literally a skin-deep attraction or fetish for the amount of melanin present. She doesn't seem to be attracted to the facial features associated with black guys, but skin color, since that's what she references all of the time. To use your example, it would be like if she constantly referred to the aquiline nose of Middle Eastern men, or the epicanthic fold of East Asians, as being so "nice" or so "pretty" every time she saw one on screen. That's what she does when she refers to black guys and, in one instance, an Indian man. Always skin color. It's weird.

    You also assume a lot about me. I am fine with my penis size. Of course people can be attracted to features their partner does not possess. (I consider it rude to constantly mention, as my SO does though.) And just because I'm not into interracial breeding pairs does not mean that I would or do objective PoC. I'm sure I could form a loving a caring relationship with a beautiful woman of most any race or ethnicity.

    However, I would have to refuse to have children with them out of a duty to my race, my people. A duty to preserve the long line of my ancestors who were Northern Europeans and a duty to provide a future for my children and their children and their children's children. I do not expect you to understand or empathize with this. This is, among other reasons, why I joined NoFap. I want to better myself and I'm tired of flushing my genetic code down the drain or literally throwing it in the trash.
  9. Robbin6276

    Robbin6276 Fapstronaut

    Heya, new here.
    From reading your post, i see what you are saying here, i would be pissed too!!!
    Look just tell her straight, i say tell her off that she's really starting to take the piss now, it is highly disrespectful to you and she needs to be happy with who you are.
    I get you are trying to be a decent guy, and you are by the sound of things, and you want to maybe tiptoe around the issue as to not offend her. But my approach is to broach the subject head on!! Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. I don't think you might quite realise it, but from a female perspective she is low key really testing you. And really breaking bounderies like that. Sliwly amd surely breaking and etching your personal line of ur bandery coz she says it in small little sly wats, as a joke or in passing. But this sh## has gone too long it seems!!!
    Constantly being compared to another type of person, furthermore another race It's like wtf??!! It wouldn't fly the other way around!!! No way! Women would be quick to snap too. I would.

    So tell her straight, she needs a sobering up on this one coz i can literally feel her mind game manipulation. I can sense her game. And it's not on!!!
    Ask her if she rather be with a black dude!!? Straight like that! And release her if she does. This is a deal breaker! No way you should take her subpar treatment. Second option.
    What with the "did you watch interracial porn" "he's hundsome" "nice skin" and what the hell was that "it would have been a different colour - maybe dark blue" huh???? What did she mean by dark blue??? Does anyone's skin is actually a dark blue??? What was she on about i have to know.
    And you say there is more.
    This woman is seriously taking the piss. It sounds like she really DOES have a fetish for black guys (and some are handsom not going to lie) but she is literally developing cracks in your psyche! Seeds of doubts, and it doesn't matter how much she denies it, she needs to sort her fetish out or take it elsewhere.
    No more talk of any black man around you, noting his anything.
    If she can't respect that than she has to go!
    Point blank!!!

    Ok... rant is over. I really got pissed about this!!!
  10. Clarke

    Clarke Fapstronaut

    It only really matters if you want to have children because mixed children lack an identity and statistically tend to do worse. Even then, parenting probably has a lot more to do with disparate outcomes. What would worry me is the that she said she had 15 partners. Women don't have to be virgins when you get together, but their ability to pairbond is dick dependant. The cutoff point is a grey area, but double digits is not a good sign.
    Cel mai drept ideal likes this.

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