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Ran across this journal post from a PA's Wife everyone should read

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by JustADude, Mar 2, 2020.

  1. JustADude

    JustADude Fapstronaut

    @ILoathePwife and her husband have been on nofap since 2016. They had quite the journey. I think every couple should read what she wrote last year, below is an excerpt, follow the link to read everything:

    "I don't think that anymore. In fact, I now think that porn wasn't even our main problem. Porn was a symptom of the problem. (Granted, a huge and very painful symptom.) The main problem was, due to my husband's upbringing, he had strong difficulty with emotions, intimacy, connection and vulnerability. Porn was the thing he used to help numb himself, when feelings of shame, loneliness and pain were too large to bear. Just as, when he was a little boy, he used to isolate himself by going out into the woods alone, as an older boy and as an adult, he isolated himself with porn."

    https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/iloathepwifes-journal.66641/page-17#post-2278564
     
  2. I can relate to this , being a lonely teenager isolating myself in the woods with weed..which escalated into porn addiction!
     
  3. JustADude

    JustADude Fapstronaut

    My favorite part about her post is that @ILoathePwife and her PA husband tried everything and had success trying everything, yet they ended up realizing that there were deeper issues to resolve.

    I totally relate to that. Porn, masturbation, and orgasm have been my go to, always reliable, coping mechanism since I was in 6th grade. And, the fact that @ILoathePwife was able to go through all of that with her husband, is amazing. Stories like hers and like @Jagliana's, really uplift my spirit and give me hope.

    My friends and I used to disappear into the woods all day long doing all sorts of stuff. Snake wrangling, smoking grapevine, drinking beer, fishing, riding bikes, etc. I never thought of it as an escape mechanism, but yeah, it was kind of my way to have fun and to escape the boring or stressful parts of childhood. Friends are an excellent coping mechanism, that is why we all need more of them. I don't have many these days due to having so many kids... it is just too complicated and too time consuming right now to put in the effort necessary for more friendship. I am sure as my kids get older, I will start to be more social again.
     
    Deleted Account and Jagliana like this.
  4. ILoathePwife

    ILoathePwife Fapstronaut

    I'm glad you linked to my full post. Because when I read the excerpt of what I wrote my first thought was, well, that's just one part of it. As my full post says, the reboot and the things we learned about here were key to my husband's recovery. But then we needed to do deeper work, beyond the porn addiction, work on the root causes of my husband's difficulty opening up to me and expressing his needs, ect. Plus my childhood stuff. I cannot stress enough how important the EFT couple's counseling was for us. (And that other types of couple's counseling was NOT helpful for us.)

    I think the danger of someone just reading that one paragraph of what I wrote is that it could be used to justify the idea that the recovery work isn't important. And that just isn't true. For us, the porn recovery work was just the first step and a very, very important step.
     
    JustADude likes this.
  5. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    What’s interesting to me. My husband started with “ the deeper work” because he was suicidal. Two years of counseling. Then I stumbled on a betrayer trauma Facebook post linked to your brain on porn. Only then did he start recovery and reboot. That was a little over a year ago. I really think most porn addicts need in depth therapy. The porn is just a symptom of deeper problems
     
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