random journal

mhdstriker

mhdstriker

Fapstronaut
hi I will set a new counter here but I'll keep my old counter because it's so precious to me

I'm 21 male studying pharmacy I'm at my fourth year and only have a year to graduate and become an official pharmacist

my addiction started about 7 years ago when I started masturbating before coming an adult and then I managed to watch pornography on purpose

at the first time I thought that I'm watching pornography and masturbating because I'm a bad person but 2 years ago I discovered that I'm addicted and it's something needs a treatment (I thought marriage will make me stop this so I didn't care)

but later I discovered that marriage doesn't solve the problem and I learned more and more about the addiction and then I understood the full picture so I decided to take a serious steps to heal

and really on 22 July 2025 I started my counter and boom I made 132 clean day streak then having one little slip and then I made another 27 days clean which means 160 clean day streak but then from day 165 until now day ~188 I was relapsing a lot and to be honest the addiction crept back

but I won't give up my future wife deserves the best version of me I deserve the best version of me the addiction might make a small come back but I'll show it who's the boss around I beat it for more than 160 days and I'll do it again
 
day 2 clean
i had literally no time today to even think about pornography or feeling urges I was so busy today studying for my exam tomorrow
 
day 3 AR (after relapsing) day 190 in general
clean
I decided to not give up my old counter .....it's precious and it reminds me how hard I'm working to be a better person and I'm improving I'm close to publish a scientific research I survived a war that took 14 years from my life I fought death and now I'm fighting addiction
I'm getting better at my university and I'm studying two fields (pharmacy and English translation)
i managed to make a huge difference in my body before (cutting off my weight from 100 kg to 73 kg) without losing muscle lean and I was just eating boiled rice so yes
I'm worth trying and my old counter is worth being mentioned

I'll go on and I'll be successful I'll be the man I wanted to be
soon I'll get back to my gym to hit my numbers again
 
day 4 AR[(after relapsing) day 191 in general
clean
everything is going smooth small urges but it's easy to let them go
will go on I'm close to 200 days
 
Last edited:
day 5 AR (after relapsing) day 192 in general
clean
I feel a bit weird as if it's the flatline again to be honest but it's a smaller one
It's a bit hard to focus but I'm trying my best
 
day 6 AR (after relapsing) day 193 in general
clean
I'm a bit late today it was pretty tough day i feel a bit ill but I'm okay
i had these symptoms before and i didn't give up and now i won't give up because now there are all those kind and supportive people here and I'm thankful
it's somthing i didn’t find during the last 180 days but now I finally feel that I’m not alone

thank you everyone
 
day 7 AR (after relapsing) day 194 in general
clean
I'm pretty tired this illness with the withdrawal symptoms are making it challenging
I barely can focus on my exam next Sunday
but there's some time I'll get back
 
day 8 AR (after relapsing) 195 in general
a slip :(
i don't know what to say i punished myself for the first time in my journy i took a cold bath while the temperature here is about 4
i won't stop and won't give up on my old counter not today not until i die while I'm trying
VideoCapture_20240913-152759.jpg
 
Last edited:
it's day 10 AR (after relapsing) day 198 in general
clean
I'm close to day 200
I want to remind myself that the counter is here to just guide me and allows me to see my statistics, my emotions, and my situation in general
I'm not just counting days and the counter is just a means for me

I believe that I've recovered when I stopped seeing women as just a body when I realized that I was a main reason in many women misery when I chose to watch porn
 
day 1
I still feel a bit broken to be honest....
I think I need some time to get over it
I knew that this day will come, I tried to prepare myself mentally and emotionally but it's quite hard and I was sad all the day yesterday
so I hope that I'll learn from my triggers and hit another good streak
 
mhdstriker said:
day 1
I still feel a bit broken to be honest....
I think I need some time to get over it
I knew that this day will come, I tried to prepare myself mentally and emotionally but it's quite hard and I was sad all the day yesterday
so I hope that I'll learn from my triggers and hit another good streak
Click to expand...
Hi bro,

you are a man who went 160+ clean days after a 7 year addiction and you still not give up! I am fighting with this since 2017. last 5 years I jerk off 5 times per week. my best streak is just 11 days. comparing to you, it's nothing! so I really inspire by your streak. just keep going. I will read your journey everyday and support you
 
stoxif said:
Hi bro,

you are a man who went 160+ clean days after a 7 year addiction and you still not give up! I am fighting with this since 2017. last 5 years I jerk off 5 times per week. my best streak is just 11 days. comparing to you, it's nothing! so I really inspire by your streak. just keep going. I will read your journey everyday and support you
Click to expand...
hi there
you're a great warrior, it's amazing how you're not giving up!
thanks for your kind words it really made my day

you've done a great job fighting that for 5 years it's amazing determination, for me you did an amazing 5 years streak as long as you're fighting you're alive

again thank you, you have no idea how your support motivated me ♡
 
day 2
I'll be honest I think that the main reason of my relapse is my phone in my bed so once i keep it away of my bed everything will be easier i think that i need only like 30 day to reboot again because I did it before and I tasted the benefits
so the rule is clear no phone in the bed

i dont have social media anyway so it hould be easy :)
 
mhdstriker said:
day 2
I'll be honest I think that the main reason of my relapse is my phone in my bed so once i keep it away of my bed everything will be easier i think that i need only like 30 day to reboot again because I did it before and I tasted the benefits
so the rule is clear no phone in the bed

i dont have social media anyway so it hould be easy :)
Click to expand...
Hello Brother,

You said you already tried this before. So this time, don’t just stay away from your phone. Your brain is starting to create a pattern. Try something different this time. same concept, but a different method :)
 
stoxif said:
Hello Brother,

You said you already tried this before. So this time, don’t just stay away from your phone. Your brain is starting to create a pattern. Try something different this time. same concept, but a different method :)
Click to expand...
hi there
thank you for the advice
I'll try to be honest I'm trying to build a new routine
I just want to get back to my gym and focus on my weights as I'm a powerlifter
but really I discovered that the phone in the bed is a certain relapse

how's your recovery is going so far ??
 
so day 3 I was reading my diary from my first counter I guess it was a bit funny to be honest I stopped writing there since day 131 I think that I have to write there more often I'm writing in arabic there

the urges are a bit strong but it's nothing comparing to my first counter
 
mhdstriker said:
hi there
thank you for the advice
I'll try to be honest I'm trying to build a new routine
I just want to get back to my gym and focus on my weights as I'm a powerlifter
but really I discovered that the phone in the bed is a certain relapse

how's your recovery is going so far ??
Click to expand...

Hi Brother,

I’ve been tracking my relapse details for almost three months, and I’ve clearly identified a pattern. I’ve noticed that I never make it past three days. Today was the third day, and it happened again. But this time, I’ve decided to learn from my mistakes. I’m going to adjust my daily routine and change my habits so I can break this mental pattern.

Thank you so much for checking in on me. Your support really fuels and motivates me.
 
day5
Iliterally deleted chrome and Google, I'm using SPIN safe browser cuz it is the safest browser I found in my first journey it completely blocks all the bad sites whether it's a porn site ai sexual chat and other chat platforms
I tested before and it was good so now I deleted chrome again (deleting it by using ADB) that it can't be restored
I think this is the best solution I'm saying this put of my experience I gathered from my 200 days streak

and yes I just wanted to highlight this because when we get week and try to watch porn we won't be able because no way to lead to it ....until you find a way to watch porn your urge will be already fading

I remember that I one day had a strong urge and I gave up I grabbed my phone but I couldn't open any porn site so I just threw my phone that day
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top