Random messages

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Numb, Jan 7, 2019.

  1. Numb

    Numb Fapstronaut

    348
    820
    93
    I get messaged at least once a week or so by random members, normally new members with no or only a few post. I don't post all that often for them to find me. I don't normally mind, though I do have to report people or ignore them from time to time. I do try to point them to the forums that would be most helpful to them. But really I find this kind of odd. I'm not sure why they pick me to message and not post somewhere on the forums. Is this common, any other SO's get these random PM's? It is just really baffling me.
     
    Nugget9 likes this.
  2. Omega.

    Omega. Fapstronaut

    1,396
    26,009
    143
    It has to do with the fact that:
    1. you're female; and
    2. You're on a platform where 99% of members are established sex / porn addicts.

    This doesn't validate the form of behaviour you're being subjected to, but it certainly shouldn't strike you as a surprise.

    Next time, report such members while hitting the ignore button for a more permanent solution.

    Additionally, you can change your privacy settings so that only people you follow can message you.

    It's not you alone. I'm sure most females here can relate.

    I hope you have a safe experience here.
     
    EyesWideOpen and 0111zerozero11 like this.
  3. Numb

    Numb Fapstronaut

    348
    820
    93
    I didn't think I had my gender listed, maybe I do. I'll have to check. I did think the same thing, but a lot of these messages address me like a male PA. They seem surprised that I am not. Some don't write again after that, some ask a couple questions and then that is it. Most are honestly polite and don't get personal, but some are not. Stupid me likes to give each person a chance.

    Ok, dumb me did have my gender listed. Changed it, thank you for pointing that out. I normally don't have it listed.
     
    Nugget9 likes this.
  4. Omega.

    Omega. Fapstronaut

    1,396
    26,009
    143
    I'll now suggest you ask a moderator to delete this thread.

    It should be obvious why.
     
    Nugget9 and TryingHard2Change like this.
  5. Susannah

    Susannah Fapstronaut

    564
    1,121
    123
    For the record, I have had the same situation. And as with Numb, some seem to address me as if I were a male PA. Others just want to talk dirty.
     
    Nugget9 likes this.
  6. Omega.

    Omega. Fapstronaut

    1,396
    26,009
    143
    What better way to start a convo with a girl here than to be "mistaken"?
     
  7. Numb

    Numb Fapstronaut

    348
    820
    93
    I've never understood when people want a thread locked on deleted when 'answered'. No problem leaving this open for others. Or for ongoing discussion.

    Maybe, but many never respond again. Or there is a few back and forth, wish them luck and that is that. It has been rare for me to have to ignore or report. I'm honestly surprised there aren't more creepers messaging, but thankful there aren't.
     
    Nugget9 likes this.
  8. Omega.

    Omega. Fapstronaut

    1,396
    26,009
    143
    People can tell you're female if they look at this thread.

    Looking at the list of threads posted by an account is literally a 2 click process.
     
  9. Hros

    Hros Fapstronaut

    1,580
    3,700
    143
    Exactly.
     
  10. Numb

    Numb Fapstronaut

    348
    820
    93
    I'm aware of that. Never said otherwise, I just had a simple question for other SO's. I'm sorry, I'm not sure what your point is here.
     
  11. Omega.

    Omega. Fapstronaut

    1,396
    26,009
    143
    1.
    2.
    -_-
     
  12. Jennica

    Jennica Fapstronaut

    685
    1,649
    123
    This happens to all of us I think at some time or another. I don’t respond or “Like” much outside of the relationship forum, every time I do I get more random messages. The messages can be all over the place and mostly guys asking if I want to be their AP or “help them with a problem”. Some problems are asking a female perspective, some are just to personal. I usually direct them accordingly.
     
  13. Hros

    Hros Fapstronaut

    1,580
    3,700
    143
    Sure it's pretty simple, but it may still take a little effort. Some people may not go out of their way to look up someone's posting history. But if a person's gender appears in plain site, even those people who won't put in the "research" effort can still see that bit of info.
     
  14. Numb

    Numb Fapstronaut

    348
    820
    93
    I can be nice, but don't doubt I can be a bitch too. I don't mind the messages, even when they get inappropriate it doesn't bother me. If it is bad enough I report, if not I just ignore that and all farther PM's if there are any. Normally there are not. I was more just curious if it was common here for other SO's to get messaged randomly. To be honest given the nature of this site it doesn't surprise me to get random messages from time to time. It is just how often it is happening that had me wondering. If the person messaging me is polite I have no problem talking.
     
    Nugget9 likes this.
  15. Queen_Of_Hearts_13

    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 Fapstronaut

    Yeah I got 3 within the past week. Usually they want to talk and I am like, "I am the wife of a PA who is 2.5 years clean. I am so proud of him!" and they never respond. I just say wife, husband sober, and that is the ticket to being left alone.
     
  16. NF4L

    NF4L Fapstronaut

    I think it is safe to say it just addicts being addicts. Unfortunately they are going down the road of acting out or engaging in their addictive behavior.
     
    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 and Trappist like this.
  17. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

    1,810
    3,871
    143
    I think you nailed it. I don't venture out of the relationship forum much, save for the private spouses group and a handful of journals. It happened to me a lot more when I visited other forums. I think this tends to happen on some of the other forums where there seem to be more PAs not far into real recovery, if at all.
     

Share This Page