This is it. A little backstory: I had a girlfriend only once in my life (we were together for a year and a half) things were going really well, she was really an amazing person and we loved each other really much. But then our lives have taken different paths and we changed as people (She became a hardcore feminist, dont get me wrong I respect all opinions but that was too much, she always had to shove that fact and other ideas in my face and I really didnt like it) and it went downhill from there and we broke up. That was a few years ago. A little about me: I go the the gym 4 years already training 5 times a week I play guitar in a band I have a stable job Im short (5"5') (166 cm) Since then I had absolutley zero luck in finding a relationship (not for the lack of trying) except one girl who was polyamouros (she has slept with over 40 men, I did not know that until the very last moment) she basically used me for sex and ghosted me the next day. I never judge people who sleep around with many partners or whatever. Its their body and their right to do so. I dont care. Remember I said "not for the lack of trying"? Yeah. I think Ive tried everything under the sun and everything possible when I tried to date women; being a jerk, being a gentleman, being myself, being funny, not being desperate and needy etc... and its always the same result; either a bold NO, being friendzoned or ghosted after few days. I think this really has something to do with my looks, especially my height. Some women said they wouldnt date me because Im too short for them (and they are 5"4 or 5"3, even could be the same height as me, wtf!) and some women probably dont feel comfortable telling me this so they ghost me instead. This negative experience is showing me that Looks > personality. Not that personality doesnt matter entirely, but it comes second to your looks. If you are bad at the looks department, your personality simply just doesnt matter. I guess women dont want me. Fine. The game is rigged against me and Im not mad, thats the hand Ive been dealt with and thats fine. No one is at fault but me. But the feeling of loneliness I get to feel after each time I try to date and it doesnt work out is just horrible, and seeing those women immidietly go to another guy just sucks man. Ruins my confidence over and over again. Ive been feeling very lonely for the past few years and I have tried to overcome it but it still comes back from time to time, to the point where I feel depressed sometimes and cry myself to sleep. As for the outside world, I have talked about this with a good friend of mine but he really doesnt know what to do. I heared all the regular stuff about "just be yourself bro", "just take a shower bro", "just get a haircut bro", "just be rich bro", "its a numbers game", "there are plenty of fish in the sea", "dont worry, itll come someday" I have been masking my loneliness and lack of relationships and luck with women behind Asexuality. Its just too embarrassing for me to tell the truth. Yeah I know its not healthy but I guess its some sort of a coping mechanism. And I dont need sex, fuck that, that is the last thing I need from a relationship. I just want to be hugged and loved man, is it really too much to ask for? I miss the feeling of being loved and really meaning something to someone. Fuck man Im already in tears from opening up about this. I hope some day something will change and Ill be able to be loved again. I am sorry if it sounds like an incel post of some sort, I really do not mean to be like this and I dont support incels at all. Its years of bottling up these feelings and really having no way out. Im stuck. For now I have given up on relationships and dating women, the game is just rigged and I better not play it. I cant afford getting hurt again and the feelings of loneliness are getting stronger with each day and one day it will be too much for me to handle. All I can say is that I really need help and advice. Thank you for reading.