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Reached a point where I am now extremely scared and stressed?! help

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by mwansy, Mar 20, 2017.

  1. mwansy

    mwansy Fapstronaut

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    If you do not want to read all this scroll down to MAJOR PART! for the main part

    Hello NoFap community I just joined this site and I have already dived unto these type of topics to no avail. I believe my addiction started a long time ago with a is a mixture of masturbation & Pornography which has periodically come to my attention but ignored by me. This post will have NSFW content

    Being sexually active I have engaged in sex but suffered erectile dysfunction even upon my very first encounter. I believed this was a physically aspect of my problem but later on sexually I managed to have sex and retain my erection easily but here lies my BIG problem to begin after

    1. I'm only attracted to extremely sexual beings or only when it's mainly physical
    • what I mean by this is that unless she's a 'slut' or extremely sexually in appearance (big butt big breasts)
    • I like the knowledge that porn has formed into my minds of 'sluts' and 'whores' to the point I am attracted mainly those personas
    • If she has a body and I am only attracted to her in the sense of porn stars unrealistic bodies

    2. I suffer through ED at odd times
    • If I am let's say engaging in foreplay too long to give oral to the woman first I find myself unable to keep an erection long enough to enter penetration and even when so I can fill that I am not fully hard yet.
    • I have trouble keeping an erection once attained if I'm not getting oral or already inside
    • When having sex I get stressed I will not perform which only makes it worse for me and ED gets even worse as I am thinking if I ca get it up which embarrasses me greatly as I view my asset as a quality but it's useless if I can't get it up
    3. I watch Porn ALOT
    • Man thankfully my college track has started or I would have too much free time and energy as I can easily PMO or MO up t 3-6 as I am young I guess
    • Technology has allowed me to access porn easily
    • Porn has caused me to gain an extreme attraction to "freaky" things that I would never have considered before were it not due to porn
    • As mentioned before after watching so much porn only the "sluts" of this physical world stimulate me properly.
    • calling girls filthy names in bed seems to be an extreme attraction to me as they do in porn
    4.) I masturbate just as much
    • I can easily masturbate without porn but it still is a problem up to 3-6 times a day
    • The pressure from masturbation on my penis has DEFINTELY caused my to become highly tolerate to physically stimulation b oral and penetration as it is not as tight as I would have done it (mental problem again I (believe)
    5.) Post Nut Clarity
    • All males know how clearly you are able to think once have orgased you suddenly are free of all sexual temptation and full rational thinking is achieved
    • I masturbated MANY time to stop woman from using my sexual nature to get what they wanted
    • If a female missed me and I wanted to miss them I would jack off to reach a clear state of mind

    There are multiple other areas but I plan to reboot and will be putting them on my file. I am here posting this because this past week some things happened that have caused me to recognize this is a much bigger problem than I thought.
    Major Part !!
    About a week ago through social media a woman contacted me (we will call her sophie for names sake )and after I engaged with her in a flirtatious way she informed me she had just broken up with her boyfriend. Now here is where things get interesting she quickly turns the conversation sexual and tells me she is horny and ask me to request one thing from her and she will do it. As you know if you read my intro I adore sexually centered women and how easily she was giving it to me was something I formed strictly through watching porn that "sluts" and those daily extremely graphic content are things I dreamed of.
    Our conversation quickly escalated as I learned she was quite the freak to the point I was scared to continue, but I did anyway. She would tell me I could use her anyway I wanted and after questioning her she told me she wanted to be used as if a sex toy, to be verbally abused and degraded, and to physically be slapped and such if she were to ever act up because it turns her own and she deserves it.
    Now from there things only escalated even further she then bagna saying she would like me to piss her on her because it made her horny to be used like a filthy slut. Now things were getting intense and I wanted to go but thanks to all these porn fantasies that were created from he masturbation and watching of them I was insanely turned on by this talk. I continued the conversation listening to her and only degrading her by calling her a bitch if she did not listen to me, I suddenly diverged from hesitation and became even more into my fantasies as I told her to go on other men's account and to tell them she is a whore and flirt with them. I then ordered her to send me every single one of her nude pictures and she did; I masturbated to the thought and when all was said and done I became scared this was unlike any of my other encounters this attraction I realized was due to pornographic images and topics becoming to commonplace in my mind it finally become my only wants.
    (I should state that I saved our convo and masturbate to it often. as it is highly sexual to me)Thsophie later stopped talking to me and I found myself excessively masturbating and watching porn after for days. I might another woman and clearly it was sexual but due to her rather petite body and sexting not turning into fully blown pornographic fantasies I lost the ability o be fully turned on by her, Tonight we engaged in sexual activity and has I made out with her I was unable to get an erection as ALL which started to scare me because it was never this bad andafter she gave me oral I stopped her as even that did not give me n erection when it does 90% of the time I had to resort to eating her out and only when she began to call me daddy did I slightly achieve an erection. After she left I began to become really frustrated with myself as I have never had a moment that bad of ED before and I had only masturbated once in the morning.
    After that happened tonight I am here because this NEEDS to stop it is directly affecting my sex life, ability to retain normal moments of arousal and a highly tolerant vision and arousal to sexual encounters. Please feel free to help me with tips on my reboot process, if you can relate because I feel alone on this, or just to ask questions because talking about it will help me recover I am certain. Also I am highly tempted rn to jack off to the conv with sophie because it is the bestone I have I need help on how not to!

    and lastly my sexual anxiety is it linked directly to my masturbation and porn problems? or more than that

     
    Awakening123 likes this.

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