Reaching out to escorts

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Facundo0810, May 13, 2019.

  1. Facundo0810

    Facundo0810 Fapstronaut

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    Hello everyone,

    So I'm in my late 30s, and for the Nth time I'm trying to go into a reboot to retake my life. My issue is that I've been doing very dumb things. So essentially a few months back I was in a relationship for my first time ever. The relationship wasn't that great and the sex was extremely lame, but I feel like little by little I was getting progress. I could get an erection only by touching my girlfriend which was a good thing.

    Sadly, the relationship failed, so I found myself alone again. I tried to go back to PMO, but I found that extremely lame because I wanted human interaction, so in desperation I started to reach out to escorts. I would initially just texted them and kind of lead them into a dirty conversation, like let's get together, let's shower together, let's have sex without protection, and stuff like that.

    Bottom line is that I was able to hook up with four escorts. Sex again was very lame. With the first I couldn't even have sex because I ejaculated while we were making out fully clothed (I know, super lame). With the next two I was able to have full oral and vaginal sex. I used boner pills, but still the sex was super short and lame (I clearly have PE). With the fourth one, we only had unprotected oral sex, but then my anxiety kicked in and I freaked out about a potential STD. I knew that there was minimal risk for an STD via oral sex, but still my anxiety was so big that I had to take a complete STD panel test just to make sure that I didn't catch something. The doctor and many webpages stated that there was no risk for most STDs via oral sex, but still my anxiety was killing me.

    Anyway, I promise to myself after that experience that I was done with escorts forever, but today I found myself texting with escorts again.

    Seriously, wth is wrong with me? :( Had anyone experienced something similar? What should I do? I already have a session with a therapist next Monday. Should I look for a support group? At this point I'm so desperate that I don't know what to do.
     
  2. jianpip

    jianpip Fapstronaut

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    I got to say, for the last few months I surprised myself surfing through scorts websites... yesterday, I felt for the very first time the intention of texting one... just, you know... get somewhere.. but I feel so stupid about it.... its crazy how it even started.. I never in my life had feel so close to actually paying someone to be with me.. but I feel as I get older.. its harder to meet real people... I feel so dump.. but anyways .. I hope you find your way out... I relate to your story, because I frankly don't know what it is... but its such a strong and lame influence.. I wish I can get better ... I wish I don't look through those websites again... I need to start finding my triggers os I avoid forever that behaviour... maybe that's a good start... looking for the trigger that starts everything up....anyways.. I hope it gets better for you. Be strong! and keep writing, finding this stuff is making me go out a lot easier and release the pressure it brings to my mind...
     
  3. TroubledLoner

    TroubledLoner Fapstronaut

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    I’ve been there. At one time in my past I literally spent all of my money on escorts. The sex, with all of them, was lame and easily forgotten, but I kept visiting them anyway in the hope that I would find the ideal escort and have unbelievable sex. It didn’t work.
    I eventually got tired of having no money and going hungry (even though I had a good paying job) because I pissed away all my money. My credit was shot, I was broke and frustrated and ashamed of what I had done.
    I eventually set up direct deposit with my employer so that my pay would go into an account that I could not access electronically (making it difficult for me to binge). I also set up my credit cards so that I could not do a cash withdrawal (bad news is that massage parlors still took credit cards. That was a tough habit to break.)
    Bottom line, I made it as difficult as I could to see an escort. It didn’t stop me completely, but I gave myself time to think about my actions.
    Good luck. I’ll be praying for you.
     
  4. Facundo0810

    Facundo0810 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for the comments and for the prayers, yes, in my case I feel like I'm trapped in an infinite loop with no way out. I know that sex with the escorts is going to be lame. I know that I could potentially get hurt or robbed if one of them shows with her pimp. I also know that my anxiety will make act stupid if something bad happens like a condom breakage or something like that, but still I have this horrible compulsion to reach out to them. It is just a stupid compulsion that will bring no benefits. I feel like a need therapy or something like that to calm my mind. I feel so depressed and ashamed yet I still making the same stupid mistakes ☹️☹️☹️
     
  5. InnerFaith

    InnerFaith Fapstronaut

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    your issue #1, you are a man, therefore you have the urge to do it no matter what. come in terms with your manhood, see its limitations and problems, and learn to tame it by the only way possible: COLD.
    stop touching yourself and stop searching for that kind of material.
     
  6. jianpip

    jianpip Fapstronaut

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    I would totally recommend you reaching out to any SAA meeting where you live. And if you could visit a therapist, even better.
     

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