Reaching Out

My real spiritual awakening was when I read the "Tao Te Ching". It caught me onto a fundamental fact that willpower, cold research, and analysis couldn't reveal to me. It was such a small secret, but it completely knocked me off my feet. So, here it is:

We must appreciate both what is, and what isn't.


Hold out your hand for me. See how there are gaps between your fingers? Without them, we'd have flippers, not good for much of anything. It's because we have those gaps between our fingers that we are capable of such more than the rest of Earth's creatures. There are trillions of examples of this. Bookshelves. Bowls. Your nose. All of this is empty space is in concert with that which is full.

So the question I pose to you is this: Are you appreciating what isn't your life? You have concrete facts about yourself, but do you know what needs to be empty for you to achieve what you truly desire?

 

Wow, this is a deep post. There are so many points to reflect on! Congratulations for finding the courage to come here and share your story. It’s not easy.

I hear you on feeling lost as a man, due to the lack of good influences and role models. Here on NoFap you will find inspiring words of men who have broken the chains of porn and sex addiction. You also have the chance to inspire others, which has a positive effect on yourself. I recommend starting a NoFap journal in one of the age-specific journal forums.

Some things that are helping me kick PMO are reading Allen Carr’s book “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” Like smoking, PMO addiction doesn’t have much physical withdrawal. It is mostly in the mind, so you need to approach it from that angle. Carr’s book is good at installing the proper mindset to quit once and for all.

I have more to say about the shame and guilt. It is an important aspect of porn addiction. Maybe I’ll write a longer post about that when I have time.

On the topic of sexualizing women and sexual thoughts, I’m not sure I understand exactly what you mean. I assume you are talking about treating women as sexual objects and being controlled by obsessive sexual thoughts. Porn has a very real effect on the mind in that it makes the dopamine reward system less effective, and less responsive, so you crave more exaggerated and extreme sexual stimuli to get off. Those stimuli are only found in porn, and dangerous sexual acts. At the same time you get less satisfaction from the real world, which makes you sink more and more time and effort into porn. A lot of guys here build in ways to detox from dopamine into their recovery, like diet changes and quitting other overstimulating activities. I plan to do the same but I’m still working on my dopamine detox approach.