Read this First: What is the Rebooting in a Relationship Section and what belongs here?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Moderation Team, Aug 24, 2017.

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  1. Moderation Team

    Moderation Team Announcement Account Staff Member

    About the Rebooting in a Relationship section:

    Has porn impacted your relationship or marriage? Talk about it here, seek support, and get advice. For partners of porn addicts and Fapstronauts undergoing reboot.

    General Guidelines:

    1. Absolutely no suggestions that partners of addicts are at fault for their partner's porn addiction for not being attractive enough. Let's build people up, not tear them down when they are especially emotionally vulnerable. Partners of addicts are very likely to be in vulnerable place when they first post. Their self-esteem is likely to already have taken a huge hit, and the last thing they need to hear is somebody telling them that it's their fault, and they need to change themselves in order to attract their addicted partners. Porn addiction is never the unaddicted-partner's fault! It is the result of brain changes and mechanisms like the Coolidge Effect that drive addicts to constantly seek out more, and more novel, porn. A porn addict can never be satisfied with just one partner, no matter how attractive that partner is or makes themselves to be.

    If you come across an example of such advice, please report it to the moderation team and we will take care of it.

    2. Offer process-oriented, not results-oriented advice. Often the problem with pornography that has led partners of addicts to our website has escalated to such a point that the OP is starting to question whether or not it is time to leave. At this point, the best thing to do is to offer your support. Don't offer results, just be there for them in their pain and throughout the decision-making process. Please don't try to solve their problems for them. Please don't tell them to leave their partner, or stick it out and try to reform them. This is a decision that partners of addicts must make for themselves. Only they know how much emotional pain they can bare before it is too much and they must get out of the relationship for their own emotional health. Only they know if they have the energy and emotional fortitude to support their partner in a reboot. You can be there for them, help them weigh the pros and cons, but please don't make their decision for them. That they must do themselves.

    These guidelines are subject to occasional updates, as the moderation team comes across more problems that need addressed.

    Threads that belong in this section:
    • New user introductions
    • Rebooting journals
    • Seeking advice
    • Seeking support
    • “How porn has affected my relationship” threads
    • “Should I tell my partner?” threads
    • “Should I stop having sex to reboot faster?” threads
    • “Relapsed, should I tell my partner?” threads
    • “Dealing with chaser effect” threads
    • Sexting, good or bad?” threads
    • Encouraging and supportive threads
    Threads that do not belong in this section:
    • “My partner is addicted to porn” thread (belongs in Partner Support)
    • “Porn has ruined my relationship with my porn-addicted partner” thread (belongs in Partner Support)
    • Partners-of-porn-addicts journals (belongs in Partner Support)
    • Any other threads that do not fit the parameters listed in the “threads that belong in this section” list (belongs in appropriate forum section)
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