Ready to Change my Life; Looking forward to Joining a Community that can Help me do it!

Hey everyone! I'm a new member here, not necessarily new to NOFAP, but.... I've recently found that I'm having a lot of trouble doing it myself. It's very clear to me that I'm addicted, because it's incredibly hard to stop. I started my own company at 19 and ran Nightclubs/Yacht Parties/Events/Entertainment for a couple years so I have quite a bit of experience with blow as well as having been smoking cigarettes since I was 14ish with on and off breaks.

Both of those were no problem for me to stop (ok it was kind of hardish, but I did it without all THAT much trouble), so I KNOW I have the willpower to do this, I just... need a little help and some courage.

Little bit about me: I just turned 24, I've probably been struggling with this addiction (PMO, masturbation, sex in general) since my early/mid teens. Was extremely shy in school, unathletic, utterly horrid with girls, one of those cats that couldn't find a date to the prom so I got wasted and went to the afterparty early instead.

Originally it seemed to help with my disease (my intestines were all messed up and twisted around themselves), for some reason it took the pressure off my stomach/dopemine release countered the pain; I'm not really sure (this could just be a rationalization but it really did seem to help.

Anyway fast forward to now... I got my intestines removed, been hospitalized 46 times, had multiple surgeries, nearly died a few times etc. BUT THAT ISN'T WHAT'S RUINING MY LIFE!!!!!!! I can handle that. What's really ruining my life is my fucking porn addiction/masturbation/sex, I've only ever admitted this once (and it was to my Dad); otherwise I've been so incredibly ashamed. I thought I was the only Muslim guy that had this problem (was surprised but really happy to see a community for Muslims! Not that we aren't all in it together, I just know they might understand some of the added... cultural and religious issues with my problem and why I haven't actively sought help).

Basically, when I go more than 5-6 days without any kind of Orgasm I'm like.... A God. Ok shitty description, I'm.... about 999999999 times stronger/more determined/happy etc. Like people can see a noticeable difference and nobody can figure out what it is but... I guess you guys can.

I have really bad Social Anxiety and Depression, I do Full Time Modeling and worked in Entertainment so I kinda had to deal with it (Doctors pills helped), but when I don't Orgasm.... It all just magically goes away (like it's incredible how well it works).

I'm lonely all the time (not actually horrid with women, I've hooked up with many but can never keep a steady relationship, I used to blame the disease but it's the Porn addiction that changes how you react in situations, because again without Orgasming everything seems to be going great). Also I should specify, generally Sex doesn't bring on the same issue as Masturbation, I mentioned a Sex Addiction because of how much I'm on online dating sites/picking up girls etc.

OH, and very important, it changes literally everything with women. If I go a couple days without masturbating it's.... incredible, I can talk to women with absolutely no trouble (even the perfect 10's I model with), WHEN I DO THOUGH; I can barely look them in the eye (really my eyes start twitching a bit, combination of anxiety/allergies). I've gotten the hottest girls I've ever been with when I haven't fapped, it all just flows so easily.

So anyway the reason I'm really here now is I'm in a National Pageant.... for Mr. United States. I've been training but I just can't get rid of the Masturbation addiction and it's really affecting my performance in the gym. I need to get a lot stronger to be ready for August, the level of competition at Nationals is nuts; and I'm terrified of looking stupid on stage in a speedo next to my competitors and worse; making my home state look bad.

I have to beat this, not just for the Pageant but for my life too. I've seen the effects of NOFAP; I can work on developing my app, do school, date a couple girls casually, party with my friends, exercise, write a book and do like 5 other things at the same time (like juggling in a schedule) on NOFAP and it feels really good. So I gotta do this if I want to fix my life and get where I want to go.

Plus I'm tired of feeling suicidal/depressed; shouldn't feel that way, tried every anti depressant and anti anxieties, the thing that helped the most? NOFAP.

Anyway that's probably not everything and sorry for this longass essay haha, it was important I got out as much as possible. And if I didn't write this now I'd probably wait another week to get it done.

I'm on Day 1 now, and I'm going to fight for it. Cheers!

 

I dunno about all the religious stuff, can't say I've read more than a few pages of the Bible do no idea.