REAL TALK: the std/sti conversation

Hey all,
I have HPV (the virus that carries genital warts). it was transmitted to me over a year ago and I have received treatment for a very small lesion near my glans. I will still forever be a carrier of the virus and am risk spreading it. In fact i know that I have spread it to at least a half dozen women because it has been too embarrassing to have that conversation. I realize now how insane this is because HPV can cause serious reproductive damage in women (cancers of the cervix and uterus).

If you have an STD/STI how do you go about having that conversation with a potential sexual partner? When is the best time to reveal this embarassing and disgusting fact about oneself? Is a normal sex life possible after contracting an STD?

I’m interested to hear what input you all have.

 

Thanks for sharing. This topic takes a lot of strength to talk about and I noticed there are not any threads on this forum talking of STDs. I want to hear from more men and women about their experience with STD/STI transmission and conversations they needed to have with their sexual partners. In the mean time here is a little more background on my situation. Feel free to read my journal if more context is desired.

I have a SO and am lucky she is still around (very supportive and beautiful woman). Even after 6-8 months in our relationship I had been hiding (lying about) my HPV. Thankfully I didn’t transmit the STI to her. However, after getting her pregnant twice and going thru abortions/miscarriages, the clinic found what may be cancerous cysts in her uterus. The soft scar tissue left there from previous abortions makes it easy for harmful cells to attach and begin developing into cancer. She has already been treated for cancer at least once and says she will not do it ever again. She told me she rather die young and beautiful than have to live thru chemotherapy.

I am having a really hard time forgiving myself although she has assured me it’s not only my fault. I have a hard time believing that because I wasnt strong enough to tell her I had HPV in the first place. Also I have committed many other atrocities upon her such as cheating, sexting and chatting with hundreds of women online, I hurt her physically, gripped by episodes of rage and broken doors, walls, furniture, and electronics. I am currently seeking assessment and treatment for my state of mental health - my first appointment with a psychiatric prescriber is tomorrow, actually! I am very excited though I am not wanting meds unless absolutely necessary (I have been medicated previously more than once in my life and have tried a dozen different meds but nothing has ever worked just right).

Even with condoms HPV has a chance of transmitting so I really feel fucked either way. Do I deserve a partner? Do I accept her support and in return provide mine? Or is it better to break up and heal separately? I dream of being on the beach listening to Jerry Garcia (inside joke, lol!).

I could really use any advice or input here fellas.

Thanks