Real triggers.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by CasualMe95, Feb 10, 2015.

  1. CasualMe95

    CasualMe95 Guest

    I have cut out all types of sexual artificial stimuli.
    My problem is. How do I cope with real triggers.
    And by real triggers I mean real life women.

    Because they are triggers.

    What should I do and how should I deal with them?

    My greatest passion is exercising. But at the gym and in the running field there are triggers. How do I handle those triggers?

    Advises? tips? techniques? anything is welcome.
     
  2. ruso

    ruso Fapstronaut

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    You gotta see them just as a person not this hot goddess. They have fault and virtues just like you and me. They aren't some goddesses, just people. When I used to still idolize women just a bit and let myself be triggered I used to imagine them taking a shit, that quickly erodes any oozing sexuality out of them. A bit extreme but hey, it's true! Some might take meaner shits then you!
     
  3. CasualMe95

    CasualMe95 Guest

    True. But I see them as the goddess you describe them as. I lovee them so much.
     
  4. CasualMe95

    CasualMe95 Guest

    EDIT HEADLINE.

    My attraction for real girls are my downfall.
     
  5. db_dan

    db_dan Fapstronaut

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    Well if that's the case, then you're halfway there!

    But why do you see women and only just want to have sex with them? Have you tried talking to a woman instead of just putting them in your 'spank bank'?
     
  6. CasualMe95

    CasualMe95 Guest

    This isn't about sex. Not at all.
    This is because I have pure love for them.

    Haha, Ever? I have to control myself to not begin fully flirt with them. If a girl and I talk just slightly too much. We become friends and I'm flirting like crazy.
    Of course I can control myself with my friends and out etc. But Whever I talk to a random girl for too long I automatically starts flirting with her.
     
  7. Immor

    Immor Fapstronaut

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    Because he is a man.

    Doesn't preclude the rest.

    lol

    I don't know what to tell you, except, i like to see you having that kind of problem.

    On the other hand all the usual tricks could apply.
    ⚫ cold showers
    ⚫ exercise
    ⚫ deep breaths
    ⚫ focus on anything else
    ⚫ feel the urges but don't act on them
     
  8. ruso

    ruso Fapstronaut

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    But they aren't. They don't have wings they can't teleport, they aren't omnipresent and whatever else you qualify as a 'goddess' they have no powers that are super-human.

    Get it into your head that they aren't triggers they are just people again, our human counterparts. With all the negatives and positives of us, men. And if you want to stop being triggered by them, you are going to have to understand that. If you want to have more confidence to go talk to them and have a connection, you are going to understand that.

    It's tough though. I'm not gonna sit here and say that I never ever see them as sex objects. Haven't gotten there yet. But that mentality has significantly decreased, it's a switch that I quickly turn off. I do however know that thinking of them as triggers does not help at all and shifts my problem to them instead of me. It also was the reason why interacting with them was very difficult in the past.
     
  9. Immor

    Immor Fapstronaut

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    You know ruso, there is a difference between seeing someone as "sex object" and "only just want sex" and liking a woman enough to want sex with her among many other things.
    The first is what porn teaches, but the second is something that happens to humans naturally and there is nothing wrong with it.

    CasualMe may be over-glorifying women and they all have their flaws, but there is no denying they can be marvelously beautiful. And saying they are not or imagining them taking a shit is doing them injustice in my opinion.
     
  10. ruso

    ruso Fapstronaut

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    I said that I still do to a lesser extent than before, not that I didn't understand the difference between the two, or insinuating that CasualMe didn't as well.

    And I agree, they can be marvelously beautiful BUT there is no injustice in saying that that same marvelously beautiful woman also uses the toilet lol. It might be crude, but it is simply reality. And as I said when we see them more realistically with their beauty // basic necessities // faults // virtues we have better interactions with them and see them as our equals and nothing else. And when we look at them as equals we decrease how triggering they can be. Which was CasualMe's issue.
     
  11. CasualMe95

    CasualMe95 Guest

    Thank you.

    And yea. Maybe I am over glorifying women. That definitely is a better way of putting it.
    But I just, When I'm off PMO I find them one of the most beautiful thing there is. Not just another fuckable thing that walks.
    And from what I've heard this is what quitting PMO does to us. It makes us look OUTSIDE the porn and into the beauty and over all attraction.
     
  12. CasualMe95

    CasualMe95 Guest

    No what you're doing is that you look at all the bad sides of women. All their downfalls and everything that is wrong with them.
    I do the complete opposide, I look at the good side, how beautiful they are, and yes. Majestic. I may over do it.
    I know that women are just as good as men, in some ways worse and others better. But thats not the point of this whole thread. To harnessing women for everything they do wrong and is less attractive.

    This thread is about handling the complete opposite. Please focus on that!
     
  13. ght5

    ght5 Fapstronaut

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    Start getting some dates with women and when they don't answer your phone calls, stand you up on a date, break a date at the last minute or tell you on the first date that they are a germophobe, then you won't see all women as all that great.

    Fact is the illusion in your mind is that every woman you see would be interested in you. They are not. Of every 10 phone numbers you ask for you get like 2 dates, one of those women breaks the date at the last minute and the other you don't like so you are back to square one.
     
  14. ruso

    ruso Fapstronaut

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    The only thing I've tried to do with all my posts is to help you. Your original question was how to stop seeing women as triggers. You must focus on the complete opposite in order to see women differently and stop being so triggering for you.

    The only way to do that is by having you counterbalance the majestic beauty of women, with all the other stuff I said. Understand that you must have a wholesome view. Just focusing on their beauty and discussing it won't give you that it also won't solve the issue.

    Again, there's no other way to do it. That's why I focused on it. Because it's the only way to help you.
     
  15. NoBrainer

    NoBrainer Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    I agree with ruso here. He is trying to help you.

    If you feel that real women are real triggers for you, then you must treat them as you would for online triggers- avoid them. Therefore, you should do everything in your power to avoid fantasising/ objectifying/ over-glorifying women.

    Perhaps exercising the three second rule would be helpful: Acknowledge, Admire, Move on.
     
  16. IGY

    IGY Guest

    ruso and NoBrainer are spot on with this one. After all, you said "Advises? tips? techniques? anything is welcome." But the reality is you do not like the advice, tips, techniques or anything else that will help you stop being triggered by real women - which is the whole point of your thread. I am not being harsh here, but when you are in the vicelike grip of an addiction, the truth can seem illogical and counterintuitive.

    For example, can you imagine a drug/alcohol/gambling addict taking kindly to the harsh realities of how they have to change their entire mental outlook on the addiction they have. The addiction we have damages how we perceive women (or men). Trust their advice (ruso & NoBrainer) and try what they do. They have your best interests at heart.
     
  17. Immor

    Immor Fapstronaut

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    I agree, people are trying to help and the advice can work.

    However i think it is like telling an alcohol addict his favorite brew doesn't actually taste that good and it was made using weird bacteria. It may be true, but it won't stop him on its own, when he sees the bottle, and to him it still tastes great.
    Only that liking the drink is learned, while liking women is instinctive.
     
  18. CasualMe95

    CasualMe95 Guest

    I understand that you're only trying to help me. I just have a very hard time understanding your point of view. As I see it is looking down on women. Please help me understand better what you mean.
     
  19. CasualMe95

    CasualMe95 Guest

    Yea. Maybe I've taken this to a ridiculous level. I like the way you pout that.
     
  20. CasualMe95

    CasualMe95 Guest

    Good point of view.
     

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