Realizations

A couple months ago I got the most amazing blow job from this girl I was so in to. We'd been talking for several weeks and one night we got a little frisky and one thing led to another. She went at it for 45 minutes and I still never came.
During this, I got so embarrassed that I began to fantasize in my head. I can't believe I never realized this meant I was addicted to PMO until now, but better late than never right? Anyway, I was so ashamed of myself that I cut all ties with her, which was a huge mistake because we were really in to each other. I've tried to reach out to her again, but she wants nothing to do with me anymore. I get teased for being the kid who couldn't cum, which I am only now realizing was because I would rather have my stupid fantasies than this real, live woman.
I just wanted to get this out in the open, and hopefully in the future I'll never know this shame. It's been 56 hours since I last PMO'd and I'm hoping that number continues to climb. Thank you all for hearing me out!