realizing what porn does to relationships

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Harley-Davidson05, Jul 31, 2018.

  1. Harley-Davidson05

    Harley-Davidson05 New Fapstronaut

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    new to this, have had a problem with porn addiction for probably 5 years now. Haven’t been able to hold a steady happy relationship. I’m 24 and I met the girl of my dreams but I keep relapsing and earlier on in the relationship I would lie to her and say I didn’t watch porn but then she would find out. I think what’s hardest for me is the realization of the problem and I could see how I would slowly convince myself that every once in awhile is ok. Even tho my relationship wasn’t. Some days I can’t keep my hands off her and some days I can’t stand her. But she didn’t do anything. After reading a lot of these threads I see other guys having same issues. I’ve never opened up about this to anyone. Im terrible with putting feelings into words and even worse in person. I know I need help, from this day forward I’m going to do my best to not watch porn. Even if it takes to delete social media and not using my phone for awhile.
     
  2. wtbootb

    wtbootb Fapstronaut

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    If you want to talk about this, don't tell me. Don't tell people on this forum. Tell her.

    Don't lie, that's what ruin relationships.
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2018
  3. As already said, lying destroys relationships. You should take a nice evening, perhabs with some nice food and some candle lights to come out with the through. Tell her you lyed at the first because you where not brave enough. Tell her everything about the addiction, where it comes from, why it is hard to stop. Introduce her step by step and don't hide anything. Then tell her you love her and need her to reach the goal. If she truly loves you she will understand. Perhabs she will be mad because you lyed. But you need to stick together. With her support you can do this!
     
  4. Hugoalsace

    Hugoalsace Fapstronaut

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    I agree with the advice that's it's better to come clean but I'm also a hypocrite because I'm trying to beat this addiction without confiding in my wife. She found out about my addiction 6 months ago and it was great for 2-3 weeks as I was inspired to stop with her help. But I relapsed and went back into my bad habits without telling her. She has probably guessed I had gone back but now I'm trying to beat it alone again. I'm thinking I now need to tell her about this so I don't have to fight it alone
     
  5. Tantalus

    Tantalus Fapstronaut

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    and a very painful truth can also destroy relationships and trust. A counter argument is that you don't tell her but promise to yourself that if you relapse you MUST tell her. We all have pasts and those past have varying controls on us, we decide in the end how our past defines us ..or not.
    There is one thing that is absolutely true beyond any doubt: you cannot change the past.

    What you can change is the influence your past has on you now. We don't learn from experience but from reflecting on experience. The truth of who you are and who you were are different things if you truly have kicked PMO.

    Telling her what you were is different to telling her what you are. If you really believed in your change and transformation why tell her what you were? I don't hold with the 12 steps and higher power arguments, you are not helpless unless you believe you are, If you believe you can change then you will: and that change occurs in an instant though it takes hard work and huge practice to making that change permanent.

    You have no control on the future, just the now. But you can influence what that future contains by acting in the now

    In short, believe in who you are and not who you were and commit to the change wholeheartedly. Then you are not lying but being who you really are : you are being your authentic self
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2018
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  6. Hugoalsace

    Hugoalsace Fapstronaut

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    Great advice, thanks
     
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  7. Now this is just my experience...but telling my wife was the best decision I’ve ever made. If she loves you she will want to help you...and she will. Behind every strong man is a even stronger woman.
     
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  8. From my own experience I can say I agree with Tiger
     
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