Really need help....

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by HOCDORWHAT66, Mar 25, 2019.

  1. HOCDORWHAT66

    HOCDORWHAT66 New Fapstronaut

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    Ever since i was little I’ve always loved girls, didn’t know sexual things because i was very young but i had crushes on girls, kissed a few, loved it all, would think about them before i went to sleep all of that.


    Started watching porn when i found it on twitter at around the age of 11 or 12, because it was twitter porn i was exposed to loads of stuff. Mainly i watched lesbians and just female things then stumbled across gay porn and thought i was gay so i accepted it (i was like 12 didn’t have HOCD) but the next day i was back to crushing hard on girls, i don’t find men attractive. For the next couple years i would go on reddit every night and look at porn sub reddit’s, id try talk to women, then i’d watch porn hub for maybe about an hour at a time, i masturbated every chance i got.

    Sooner or later i just got bored of women, they were gorgeous and better than men but they didn’t respond to me or pay attention so i moved to men, and for a while i masturbated to solo male porn without thinking ‘I’m gay omg!’
    Last year I went on a holiday with my family and every now and then i’d go back to the room to masturbate to solo male porn or talk to men online and trick them into thinking i was a woman to get nudes , truth be told I still don’t really see waht seems a man as attractive. I get aroused looking at male genitalia but i don’t know why it’s not attractive. It’s because i have one and i associate dicks with the pleasure i get from masturbating.However i didn’t think i was gay as when i was not watching porn and didn’t have HOCD, despise the solo male stuff I loved women in real life i’d stare at tits. asses and fantasies about fucking them all.
    One night I was with my then girlfriend and we were doing things and i just couldn’t get aroused....and i thought am i gay? I went into a frenzy of googling, questioning, all of the HOCD stuff. I was terrified.
    Now here i am....doing NoFap and relapsing....i just can’t quit, last night i chatted to women / men and watched porn for around three hours. ):

    I don’t find men attractive.
    I couldn’t date a man.
    I could not suck a cock or anything like this and cum is vile it just seems dirty
    Most of the time gay things make me feel a bit like that’s a bit strange to me (NO HATE TO ALL THE LGBT+ COMMUNITY!)

    I have all this and i’m 15...because im ‘growing’ how do i know i haven’t turned gay...
     
  2. 19m

    19m Fapstronaut

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    just do i reboot i’m in the sort of f same situation but i get aroused only toncrissdresses/ transsexuals in poem but not in irl i feel like if you don’t get aroused irl by that stuff then your good and if you don’t think about men like you see them as buds and not a boyfriend then your good as well
     
  3. davidx

    davidx Fapstronaut

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    This is typical for many guys. Don’t freak out about it. You are exposing yourself to this genre and pleasuring yourself to it. Of course you are going to have these thoughts you have put these sexual images along with The pleasures of O and dopamine rush into your head - So these thoughts, images and associated arousal are in your brain and will obviously pop up. These images and experiences don’t just go away from out thinking. This is the natural consequence of this behavior. You just need to take responsibility for your mind and I would definitely recommend a 90 day (at least) reboot.


    “Free your mind - your ass will follow”

    Well in this case your penis will Follow.....

    Good luck.
     
    LIF€ ₩ORRIOR likes this.
  4. 19m

    19m Fapstronaut

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    thank you!
     
  5. bken

    bken Fapstronaut

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    It is somewhat normal to have gay fantasies as you're exploring porn. It can get progressively worse though, with each bit of desensitization the novelty of the gay stuff can become very appealing to a long term porn addict.
    I recognize a lot of myself in you at that age. As long as you don't get butterflies for boys or men in real life, you're fine. But you need to do away with the porn, it will drag you down if you let it. The obsessions are so typical, if you ask me it's the serotonin deficiency that is caused by overmasturbation.
     
    davidx and LIF€ ₩ORRIOR like this.
  6. 19m

    19m Fapstronaut

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    thanks and i’ve never had butterflies for boys !
     
    bken likes this.

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