Really worried, have gone too far

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by betterlife1, May 27, 2019.

  1. betterlife1

    betterlife1 Fapstronaut

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    my story just like others started when i started looking at vanilla porn etc which later moved on to more extreme things like humiliation and cuckolding (very strong appeal/interest here bc of my penis size insecurity) and from that the idea of giving oral sex became arousing to the point that the intensity and frequency of my erections is greatest when looking at that content compared to anything else. I have never considered myself bi or gay but at this point am worried bc i can't seem to stop looking or masturbating to that stuff and otherwise my penis feels dead at times when thinking of women or being with them. Is there any hope for me?
     
  2. InnerFaith

    InnerFaith Fapstronaut

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    wait, 146 days of nofap and you manage to M so much without O?
     
  3. betterlife1

    betterlife1 Fapstronaut

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    no no, honestly I haven't been on in months and have continuously pmo without many breaks in between so im basically going in a loop with the situation of pmo and probably worsening myself which is why im quite concerned at this point.
     
  4. betterlife1

    betterlife1 Fapstronaut

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    the 146 is false bc i really haven't been on in that much time so never updated or anything till just now
     
  5. InnerFaith

    InnerFaith Fapstronaut

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    just try and start again.. realy from what i gather to see, there is no intelectualizing that can sort this mess out.. just strict pmo rehab.. start again, remember the basics, never touch yourself, never watch porn..
    ask yourself what is your goal, what is the reality you want to create?
     
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  6. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut
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    Good advice - back to basics. Strict hard mode is the tunnel with the light at the end. Knuckle down @betterlife1.
     
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  7. bfdet

    bfdet Fapstronaut

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    Hi @betterlife1 !

    Even though you may have been here before, please read the "Getting Started Guide" available on this site's home page. It includes a lot of information that you will find helpful as you start your journey of healing. Even if you've read it before, read it again as it will reinforce the things that you can do to help yourself. Also, if you haven't done so before, have a look at the "Glossary" on the top of this page for definitions of abbreviations and terms that may be new to you.

    One day at a time is how we all succeed.
     
  8. betterlife1

    betterlife1 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks Innerfaith, I know the reality I want or at least hope for just scared if its achievable or not.
     
  9. betterlife1

    betterlife1 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks IGY, I guess no matter what I have to be disciplined about this if I want the future I want
     
  10. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    You say you masturbate to giving oral sex. I assume you mean sucking a dick and not eating a girl out based on the other content. I think porn had turned you gay/bi. If you stop watching it you might turn straight again. One thing is for sure. Watching more porn isn't the answer.

    I've been into humiliation porn for a while. Every time I start masturbating to vanilla porn I end up going back to the humiliation stuff. It's hard wired in the brain at this point. Just this morning while in bed I had fantasies of kissing the ass of a girl I used to know in public. Humiliating stuff. I wanted to masturbate so bad but stayed my ground and got out of bed. I'm only 3 weeks in so that clearly isn't enough time to get recovered.

    The point about sharing this is that you need to be patient. Keep masturbating out of fear that you're gay out stress or whatever isn't going to help you. You need to have the resolve to not do it. Best of luck to you.
     
  11. betterlife1

    betterlife1 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your advice. I'll definitely have to be more disciplined
     
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