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Reboot causing relationship doubts

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by fflyman, Jun 14, 2017.

  1. fflyman

    fflyman Fapstronaut

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    Hi, hope everyone's doing good (sorry if it's a bit lengthy).

    I've tried this nofap thing for a while without any real success, last month I took it a little more seriously and finally joined this community. Like everyone was saying, it's mood swings with very nice highs and really lethargic lows. I was definitely craving the PMO but felt pretty good without this cloud in my life.

    I'm currently in a long distance relationship but with this person for more than 4 years (best friends with her for many years before too). Recently in a work outing colleagues, I got close to someone and told her that I'm leaving the firm. She's in a long distance relationship with her boyfriend for probably 5 years too. I don't think that I was ever attracted to her in that way but I could recognize that she was quite attractive.

    It was a wild night and I have such vivid memories of it. We danced together but she hugged me a few times and I may have kissed her in the forehead when she hugged me (blurry night). I don't remember feeling this for quite a while, I guess you can call having a crush? I have a hard time focusing on eating and sleeping, I just wanted to get it out of my head. Not sure how but fast forward to now, we're both texting each other all the time and kind of having to stay late in the office together.

    Rational me knows whatever flirting cannot end well for anyone. Maybe it's all in my head and she just likes the flirting (or maybe she just thinks that we're bonding). We're both in committed relationships but I can't think of anything else than her. I'm kind of really mad at myself for letting it consume me. I know that it's not my true feelings and that maybe my brain is just seeking this dopamine high from that vague night.

    Have any of you had doubts in relationships caused by this nofap? How did you overcome it?
     
  2. InfinitePossibilities

    InfinitePossibilities Fapstronaut

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    I had doubts about my relationship before nofap. About 6 weeks of nofap romantic feelings coming back, sexual desires focused on my wife too.

    To me it sounds like you met a girl, you like her, she likes you. Thats fine :)

    Problem is morality - since morality is a human invention and not well fitting with how mother nature created men, it is a Problem for many people, regardless of nofap.
     
    fflyman likes this.
  3. fflyman

    fflyman Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for reading, I guess things were going well with my SO. The timing of everything is just difficult, I simply have trouble rationalizing it all. How can my mind just suddenly shift. Especially since I've know this other girl for a while. Time will probably tell, what is true and what isn't (I hope).

    Definitely didn't feel like this in a many years.
     
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2017
  4. The Wrestler

    The Wrestler Fapstronaut

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    Take all of that energy and pour it back into your relationship with your girlfriend. This is hands-down the best advice I have received for situations like this.

    Also, your brain is going through some crazy rewiring as you cut off the porn reward feed - now is not the time for impulsive decisions, now is the time for holding the course and riding out this storm. If you're still feeling the same in a few weeks, maybe then.
     
  5. fflyman

    fflyman Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the advice Wrestler. It's a little hard with long distance but we've made it work for 4 years without any problems so far... Is this part of withdrawal?

    I know that quitting PMO is the right thing to do. Part of me wonder can't stop wondering if I had been fully sedated in my addiction, would everything have been normal? I am not planning on doing anything impulsive, it wouldn't feel right. We're still colleagues working directly with each other everyday. I've only got a few more weeks in this team though...
     
  6. The Wrestler

    The Wrestler Fapstronaut

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    It might be part of withdrawal - rediscovering normal sexual desires instead of numbing with porn. Could be just from being apart for a while and temptations come.
    Would have it been normal? Maybe, maybe not. Embrace your sexuality waking up again, though! It's a good thing - just be deliberate about which relationship you put that energy into.
     
  7. fflyman

    fflyman Fapstronaut

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    Yes, I think that there's things crazy thing happening physically with nofap and somehow I've associated it with her I think. We're both flirting in the workplace (terrible thing), the tension and excitement that we have of flirting, purposely brushing shoulders or touching is kind of making my head spin. Hate to admit that I also went out tonight and walked with her + went for food just the two of us. This is now a few consecutive nights in a row. No lines were crossed but I can't stop it, I just go along. She plays along and seems to like it...

    My friend was jokingly saying, maybe you should just MO to clear your head. You are thinking with your second brain not your first one. I've come so far this month and feel like relapsing would just put me back to square one?
     

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