Rebooting and sexual problems

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Gica, Nov 11, 2018.

  1. Gica

    Gica Fapstronaut

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    In february, this year, I decided and managed for the first time in 17 years to quit porn and masturbation for almost 100 days.
    It was hard but I had good results in my professional life.
    In my intimate life, however, had a big problem, because though after first 30-45 days my orgasms became strong and the sexual act more intense, soon after I experienced premature ejaculation problems. It was enough to be touched in the intimate area and I was soon finished. Practicaly a sexual intercourse would not last more than a minute.
    I kinda solved my problem by starting after more than 90 days with no PM, to masturbate before sex... but this went to:
    1. Relapsing in both, porn and masturbation;
    2. Destroing myself. I've quit the gym, have began to spend more and more time watching porn and, of course... masturbating, having huge memory problems;
    3. Not really solve the premature ejaculation, but only add some more minutes. And the intensity of sex and orgasm is so low...;
    4. Depression. I am disgusted with myself, personal and professional.

    Now I have decided to stop (once again) with PM (have only 3 days till now), I have just started to go to gym and I will try meditation.
    It is not my first attemt to try meditation but I never succeded to keep my mind free of thoughts.
    I don't know if this is a journal or a call for help. I aim for the second.
     
    h64803427 likes this.
  2. Maybe you are still scared or feeling pressure to perform. Do not forget that your body hasn't had sexual intercourse for a long period of time. Your body needs to adjust to a healthy situation. My tip is don't feel ashamed if it isn't going smooth like you thought it would be and just try again and again. For now just quit PM you did already amazing. Remember it is just a mind game and your body does not always knows what is going on. Good luck and be strong :)
     
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  3. h64803427

    h64803427 Fapstronaut

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    Hey Gica,
    I was actually thankful to see your post as I relate to a lot of what you are saying and at times it can feel very lonely. Did you find in the past that abstaining resulted in improvements with memory. That is my biggest concern right now. I am telling you right now that I have faith you can be successful here. You have had success in the past.... and you will again. Take it one day at a time... start by setting daily goals for yourself (that is what I am doing)... build from there. Continue to reach out to this community as we are all in it together and we are stronger together. Bless ya brother!
     
    Gica likes this.
  4. Gica

    Gica Fapstronaut

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    Trainharder 2018, thank you for your message.
    I and my body had sexual intercourse :) during my abstinence from porn and masturbation. I am married and, eventhough I don't have a verry active sexual life, I still have to please my wife once at 3 weeks (I would preffer more often). More than this, she doesn't know about my "hidden" life.
    But you are right, I have to be patient and just let some more time to my body to accomodate.
    Many are saying about having wet dreams. I think that, as long as I don't reach the level to not having the "sex" in the front line of my mind, I will not manage to avoid wet dreams or to be hype horny.
    But this is my biggest problem. I am excited by just seeing a beautyful woman. I suddenly want to masturbate.
    Anyway, it is a long trip and I know that it will be hard. Those 90 days in spring, this year, were so difficult.
    But I'll keep going.
    Tomorrow I have another gym hour. Can't wait for it.
     
  5. KenMayor

    KenMayor Fapstronaut

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  6. countitjoy5

    countitjoy5 Fapstronaut

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    Is this your wife that you are having sexual intercourse with? If not I'm seeing the problem - you are activating yourself with casual sex and you're having this cascade of issues. Masturbating before sex and all this stuff is basically just bondage all over again. You are letting the fear of premature ejaculation send you right back into the same pit... the solution is to only have sexual intimacy with the woman you are married to. That means, don't allow any other outlet other than sublimation.
     
    Gica likes this.
  7. Hello Gica ! Just do a PM challenge. I do believe sometimes having healthy ''sex'' is ok but be aware of the fact that this isn't a replacement for your addiction (you don't want to become a sex addict) Your brain isn't thinking like ok now I had sex with my wife, now we are back at the start. Once in a few weeks is the best for a PM challenge I believe (due to less sexual activity). Hmm I know how you feel about your hidden life. I also am hiding because of some things (for example my girlfriend does not know I am back where I started for example, she knew of my PMO past). If I was you first recover and then talk to your wife about your sexual relationship. Wet dreams are just coming when you haven't had a orgasm in a long time (but some don't get one, in my head a wet dream is not a big deal) I see in the gym lot's of hot woman and I am also like wow at first but know you're the one in control and touching yourself later is not in control that is just freaky (an addict only does this or a freak). We can do this, just focus....be in control, do your exercises and remove all extra connections to PMO.
     
    Gica likes this.
  8. Gica

    Gica Fapstronaut

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    I have that problem with my wife or with any other woman.
    And, if I don't care about other women and I can quit them, I do care about how an intimate intercourse goes with my wife.
     
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