Rebooting in a Marriage , Please Help!!

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by pathtorecovery86, Oct 9, 2020.

  1. Trobone

    Trobone Fapstronaut

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    I'm just barely above suck on the part you bolded too. But practice is good.
     
  2. pathtorecovery86

    pathtorecovery86 Fapstronaut

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    I don't resent my wife for trivial matters. Last time , when she said she supported me but the very next day she involved my parents and other relatives. I was terribly disturbed and hurt . I felt like I've bee punished for the same mistake over and over again. I am trying to fix our relationship which she has been explained about.For the first 90 days , I'm completely focusing on building emotional intimacy while refraining from every sort of sexual stimulation or arousal , which she has been explained clearly. And suddenly this happens ( parents involved). This made me feel it was not worth it , but then I didn't give up on this nofap journey.

    Coming back to your second question. I don't believe I'm using no-sex to punish my wife but only in a hope that this will help fix my DE and develop sexual intimacy with her. The sexual attraction or intimacy , whatever we call it , is not as strong with her as I used to have before. You could say that , when we are in bed , I feel a very low libido. It was never like this before . Before I started this nofap journey , we did try to have sex couple of times. In one occasion , it was okay. But most of the times , I failed to achieve erection especially during penetration which left me and my wife frustrated. Following those incidents , I felt I'd fail again and leave both of us frustrated. As a result , I avoided getting sexual unless I fix myself. Moreover , every time I lost my erection , she would have mood swings and would not talk to me for days instead of communicating with me and help me work on it . We still cuddle , hug , kiss as a way of showing affection to her. But I'm scared she might have mood swings again before I reach my 90 days target.

    I'm hoping this hard-mode for 90 days helps me fix this . One thing still bugs me , why do I not feel strong sexual desire for her like how I used to feel before we started to fight ?? I'm a man with good enough sex drive and I'm completely normal physically. But , for the past 1 year I haven't felt the same intensity of sexual desire for her as before.
     
  3. Trobone

    Trobone Fapstronaut

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    1. It's because she has betrayal trauma she's working through. Get used to being blamed, her not knowing when she's triggreed and taking it out on you. It's good you're working through stuff, but it can takes MONTHS for people to process this type of trauma, even with the help of experts.

    2. it's because you're fighting and are both working though major issues. Why would you assume sexual chemistry if there is no other connection right now? Give yourself and her a break.
     

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