Rebooting the sex life too.

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by lotsofwords, Jul 9, 2017.

  1. lotsofwords

    lotsofwords Fapstronaut

    Hi folks,
    I'm looking for advice. My partner of 5 years has told me that I have no sex drive, which is true. The reboot has caused some flat lines in between relaps. Between this and PIED, I have not had much of a sex drive lately.
    So my question is how do I get back in the saddle?
  2. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Have you thought about tantric?
    Or simply pleasing your partner with no expectations in return?
    Kissing and cuddles and maybe some handwork (for them!) or oral?
    Seriously... Take you, out of the equation but enjoy being there. Sometimes it's nice to Give.
    I don't know why this doesn't occur to the PAs.
    Just because you are having a problem doesn't mean you can't be there For Them.
    It's nice to give.
    Your SO probably waited and waited for you.
    By giving something back it's nice and bonding, you are surrendering to their pleasure and being present at the same time.
    Just be.
    I don't know how your Reboot is going, but I can tell you this will help the relationship.
    It's sweet that you asked this question.
    Good luck.
  3. anewhope

    anewhope Fapstronaut

    I couldn't agree with Jolie more. Think of this as an opportunity to show what a selfless lover you can be and to enjoy all the ways you can please your SO free from the focus on your own pleasure.

    lotsofwords, Kenzi and Hopefulgirl like this.
  4. lotsofwords

    lotsofwords Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the replys. Any tips on how to initiate this. Flirting, kissing or maybe some dirty talk?
  5. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Stay away from dirty talk.
    Don't make her seem like she's in a porno.
    Make it intimate and about her.
    What does she like?
    A massage?
    To start maybe?
    I don't know a single girl on the earth who would turn that down.
  6. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    And flirting, yes.
    Take it back to basics.
    Woo her.
    If she likes candles do that.
    Flowers, some girls like. May be she's one of them.
    Think about her and what you have noticed and really try to set the mood.
    Kiss her how she likes.
    Wear her favorite shirt on you, even.
    The little things Matter.
    anewhope and lotsofwords like this.
  7. Commited2Health

    Commited2Health Fapstronaut

    My gf (who I have fully confided in about my reboot) and I have had great intimate fun using Tantra. We bought a book in the bookstore and just follow the exercises. Lots of fun, great intimacy, massages and helps you understand how to be a true giver and a true receiver. Highly recommend. And I have given her an O at the end every time.
    lotsofwords and Hopefulgirl like this.
  8. Warlock89

    Warlock89 Fapstronaut

    I've taken online lessons on massage it has definitely work for me. I love being the giver. Some soothing music dim lights, her favorite lotion, and communicating on a very sensual level. It's very sexy. Sexier than anything else I could watch using P.
  9. Shockedbuddy

    Shockedbuddy Fapstronaut

    No dirty talk :))
    Just tell that you want to try something new. Another way to be intimate and bound with each other.
    Let this article guide you.
  10. lotsofwords

    lotsofwords Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the advice folks. I simply told her how much I wanted her. We made love twice this weekend.
    I'm going to suggest the tantric sex idea.
    Hopefulgirl and Kenzi like this.
  11. You did absolutely the right thing.
    Women want to be wanted most of all. And you have to get to the point in your reboot, where you want her more than anything. Then give her all of your passion and love at one.
    Works better than any flowers or candles.

    To get things on I suggest showering together. Everything is soapy and slippery and you can clean each others important parts. And I mean REALLY clean them. And then get dirty again :D
    lotsofwords likes this.
  12. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Careful in showers.
    As someone who is... Um.... Educated in them.... Start with Just water that first time. Then add soap and loofah and other stuff next time.
    Even water can be dangerous if you are a novice.
    Each shower is different and I spend a lot of time in hospitals.
    Learn the shower.
    Then, play in it.
    Be safe first... Then fun.
    Breaking her neck isn't sexy.
  13. Hahaha okay, now I am really interested in the story(s) behind that :emoji_laughing:
    You can PM me, if you feel like sharing.
  14. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    We all had other lives before we came here.
    I don't feel I can honestly answer that, privately or publicly without knowing what kind of addict you are/ were... Unfortunately, sorry.
    I'm a mom (mostly) and I do believe in safety, first.
    And when I have firsthand knowledge on something, I like to share my wisdom.
    (don't we all?)
    Experiences make us wiser, and those who cannot learn from the past are condemned to repeat it.
    (and yes, quoting Abe Lincoln while talking about showers Does make me awesome)
    Spiff likes this.
  15. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    And @Warlock89 making sure that you are getting the best education experience possible... Taking online classes are great!
    However, when it comes to massage, anyone can "claim" they know hand healing.
    If you are in the US, make sure you are watching videos made by someone certified by the AMTA.
    Or you aren't necessarily getting good information.
    My 2 cents
  16. phuck-porn!

    phuck-porn! Fapstronaut

    this is a pondering from another thread, but it's exactly to your point.
    Thanks @LavaMe I hope you don't mind my sharing your thots over here...
    LavaMe and TooMuchTooSoon like this.
  17. if i may offer an idea, is to romance her till the cows come home. what i mean is to fulfill her intimacy and affectionate needs until she feels a deep sense of connection and spiritual satisfaction. i mean every possible desire she may have that needs attention (outside of the bedroom) and this may possibly buy you some time until the rebooting process takes it effect and you can do the sex.
    anewhope likes this.
  18. whats the name of this book you speak of? :)
    Kenzi likes this.

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