Rebooting while in a relationship

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by bxx, May 16, 2019.

  1. bxx

    bxx Fapstronaut

    12
    4
    3
    I’m a 21 year old, extremely athletic, lean, healthy eating (vegetarian), handsome, all you can think of, but I have a problem. I recently got a hotel with my girlfriend off campus and we tried to have sex for the very first time and I could not maintain an erection. I get erections regularly but, when it’s time for me to go inside...my penis just drops. I don’t know if it’s anxiety or I have an addiction, but ever since then I’ve been on a mission to change that. Today marks Day 2 of my NoFap journey. I plan to go 60 days or above before I try anything else with my gf. She’s ok with it, Thank God. I’ve also been working out 5 times a week alongside intermittent fasting which is eating 8 hours a day and fasting the rest of the 16. Can anyone ANYONE give me advice or feedback I would really appreciate it!
     
  2. hitnmis

    hitnmis Fapstronaut

    393
    751
    93
    Welcome bxx
    This is something you need to be doing for self.
    Im new here, ill let the others chime in
    Stay Strong and
    Keep Going
     
    bxx likes this.
  3. Trappist

    Trappist Fapstronaut

    Could be anxiety, could be P.

    Had a similar issue of PIED.
    I attribute it mostly to P.
    After this year and a half
    or so ED has relented slowly.

    Today’s High speed P
    if used ‘as directed’ does seem
    to cause a lot of PIED.

    Read all you can here
    At NoFap and ‘Your Brain on Porn’.

    Do your best to stick to your goals,
    Seek to understand, if you don’t succeed. Glad your gf is understanding.
     
  4. bxx

    bxx Fapstronaut

    12
    4
    3
    I think it is anxiety because I get erections during the day a lot plus, whenever she kisses or touch me theirs an erection. But it’s like the moment I try to stick it in it goes down. I even masturbated in from of her but, for some reason it goes down when I try to stick it
     
  5. Samsonite87

    Samsonite87 Fapstronaut

    17
    19
    3
    This sounds familiar to me. I have had issues where I could not get hard, or if I could it was fleeting and would not stay hard even if I was inside my wife. We had a really hard time maybe a year or more ago where I was having severe ED (what I found to be PIED) and she was taking it personally. This caused me a lot of anxiety and even after 30 days of NoFap I'd get hard but the anxiety of having sex would cause me ED in the moment.

    I actually ended up going to my doctor and he prescribed me a small amount of something to help, but I was very honest with him and he told me that my thinking that it was really due to excessive masturbation or porn was probably more accurate than anything physical (he did a complete blood workup and my T levels were fine). He gave me the pills because he said that when there have been these issues, even if easily resolved, there may continue to be a mental block that causes ED due to the traumatic experience(s) there have been when trying to have sex recently. He suggested the pills might give me the physical ability to have sex and might help with my confidence and to reduce my anxiety going forward.

    I personally never had to use the pills. My wife helped me fix the issue lol. We had a great weekend where she was buying new underwear at Victoria's Secret and was snapping me pictures while she was in the dressing room. She got me really worked up and we had sex when we got home. My erection was great the entire time and the sex was great. From that point I had a lot less anxiety when it came to having sex with her and I really didn't have any issues until I relapsed back into porn, etc and now I am at the same point again and 4 days into NoFap, hopefully for good this time.

    I personally just try to be in the moment, enjoying my wife's body and being with her, and to get it out of my mind that I might go soft and not be able to stay hard. I still have the anxiety every time we start up or I get the feeling my wife wants to have sex. When we are having sex and I'm hard and it's going well, I'm always thankful, because I always worry there will be an issue.

    I don't know if this is helpful at all, probably not...but at least should help you know what might be going on with you.
     
    bxx likes this.
  6. Great job on working through this together and supporting each other.
     
  7. Samsonite87

    Samsonite87 Fapstronaut

    17
    19
    3
    I wish I could say she actively supported me, but she doesn't know anything about my porn addiction or excessive masturbation. But the above example shows how much she cares about me, she stayed with me and continued trying to turn me on and make sex enjoyable for both of us. I am very lucky to have her.

    Now more than ever I'm considering just being 100% honest with her about everything. I really hate that there have been times she has taken this personally and thought I was not attracted to her or interested in her. And I hate that my pride has let her believe that so that I don't have to admit that I have issues that I have had since before we were together.

    But if I am fully committed to NoFap this time....I don't know if I need to. Maybe I can come to grips with the damage I've done and undo some of it with time and 'normal' and consistent sex life. But I feel like I want her to know it was never her. It was always me.
     
    fadedfidelity likes this.
  8. evs

    evs Fapstronaut

    10
    13
    3
    I'm an SO of an addict and I just want to say, it has helped me so much to understand that porn was what was causing problems in our relationship. It wasn't easy to hear but I can genuinely say I value that honesty more than anything else. It's helped me to help him and it's helped us both to see a way forward.

    At least think about opening up a conversation about the issue with your girlfriend. I definitely acknowledge its not been an easy journey but it's made us closer than we've ever been.

    Congrats for getting here in the first place though man
     
    fadedfidelity and hope4healing like this.
  9. Sadgirl

    Sadgirl Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

    It could be because when you masturbate you squeeze much harder than a vagina can-So when you try to enter her you don't get the same type of tactile stimulation.
     
  10. samnf1990

    samnf1990 Fapstronaut

    408
    671
    93
    With the solution being, of course, stop masturbating. The longer you go without stimulation, the stronger your response to it is. The more sensitive to touch you are. Her grip is likely to be gentler than yours, but still more than penetration. Perhaps this is a better place to start (let her use her hands to completion).

    The other thing to bear in mind, are you Ming in front of her up to the point where you try to put it in? Are you reliant on stimulation to stay hard at the moment?

    Still the same solution. The longer you go without P and M, the more your body will be able to rise to the occasion without them. At the moment you are conditioned to your own touch: to the tightness of the grip, the ryhthm of your strokes and to the minute control over the sensations that you have. Once you are over this conditioning, and have the ability to sense every subtle shift in pressure, each glide, and to relish in the unpredictability of someone else's touch, then you will appreciate the fruits of your labour.

    You are in the right place, and you are doing the right things to improve your sex life. Honesty about your situation will also improve your relationship.
     
    bxx likes this.
  11. JesusStrength

    JesusStrength Fapstronaut

    348
    99
    28
    Don't walk away from porn, run away from porn!! Porn is a demon bro.. Run my friend!! And also put your trust in the greatest doctor, the allmigty Jesus Christ.
     
    Sadgirl likes this.
  12. bxx

    bxx Fapstronaut

    12
    4
    3
    That’s what I was thinking
     
    Sadgirl likes this.
  13. bxx

    bxx Fapstronaut

    12
    4
    3
    I don’t think porn is my problem, I think it was masturbation. I don’t really watch porn like that, but I did masturbate a lot. Plus, a little more of performance anxiety. I’m currently working on it. When she kissed and touch me I still get semi erections, even when she hugs me (which is embarrassing in public),
     
  14. samnf1990

    samnf1990 Fapstronaut

    408
    671
    93
    What makes you think porn isn't a problem? Do you have evidence for this? Or is it just something that you want to believe so that you can justify continuing to use porn? All of us here who have removed porn from our lives are feeling better for it. You will too.
     
  15. bxx

    bxx Fapstronaut

    12
    4
    3
    But, I don’t watch porn at all. I just masturbated a lot (without porn). I repeat—I don’t watch porn, my problem is just masturbation and performance anxiety.
     
  16. samnf1990

    samnf1990 Fapstronaut

    408
    671
    93
    Do you use imagery when you masturbate? Naked photos? There are two ways of defiing porn. One has to do wih the sexually explicit bature of the images. The other is the function of the images. In the latter view, if you masturbate to it, it is porn.
     
    Sadgirl likes this.
  17. bxx

    bxx Fapstronaut

    12
    4
    3
    I don’t watch porn and I masturbate once or twice a month. I thought I was addicted to it because NoFap videos say it but, I get erections daily; even with my girl. It’s just sometimes I can’t keep it up. It’s hard not to think too much in the moment
     
  18. Growing Man

    Growing Man Fapstronaut

    48
    40
    18
    I think he was saying he doesn't think he watches it often enough for it to be the cause of ED. I don't think he was talking about the whole of the porn problem.
     
  19. bxx

    bxx Fapstronaut

    12
    4
    3
    It’s anxiety. I figured it out
     
    Growing Man likes this.
  20. Growing Man

    Growing Man Fapstronaut

    48
    40
    18
    That is manageable
     

Share This Page