Rebooting. . .

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by BlueDragonfly, Aug 18, 2017.

  1. BlueDragonfly

    BlueDragonfly Fapstronaut

    It's day one yet again since I just ended a five day streak. Even though it wasn't anywhere near my top three streaks, which were 14 days, 18 days, and 23 days, I still feel like I was able to hold out longer after being exposed to my first trigger. I normally fail within hours of being triggered, but this time I managed to last about 36 hours.

    I was bored and searched up what a real ninja outfit looked like, and then I came across my first trigger; a provocative Halloween costume. After a few glances I closed out the page. I then decided to start designing some T shirts for my sports team. I had the shirt as colored as "scarlet", but it looked red. I thought scarlet was reddish orange so I looked it up on google images to make sure. I got a bunch of photos of lingerie. I looked at some of the pictures for a minute, and then managed to close out.

    To make a long story short, the next day I somehow ended up going on porn sites and just viewing the video thumbnails, looking for the perfect video. The bad part was that I wasn't even in the mood, yet I still wanted to watch them. I finally got away, and was really pumped up that I got that far and didn't relapse. I thought "I actually am doing it!". I went to sports practice, and when I got home that night I went back on the computer. I ended up on porn sites again, but this time I started watching the videos.

    This was when I knew I was in too far. I watched videos for about 30 minutes, then went to bed. I had a hard time sleeping, because my mind was so active, and it is the relapsing that makes you tired. I woke up this morning, and pretty much went straight to the computer, and back to watching videos. I was still not turned on, but I kept watching. I was now kind of worried (not really, I was just rationalizing) that I wasn't turned on, so I started touching myself. I think at that point even if you do manage to pull yourself away, it's only a matter of time before you fail, so I just ended it. I still wasn't turned on, and just relapsed with 0% pleasure.

    Now I'm here. My plan is to quit YouTube, and only use the computer for this website, period. I also will not go on the computer past 7:00pm. I will have all of my showers be cold showers, will not eat anything unhealthy, and will do push ups every day. The final and hardest thing that I want to do is to meditate everyday. I hope to make some real progress, and by that I don't mean more days without complete relapse, but more days without the slightest failure. I know it sounds unrealistic, so when I fail any of the above things I will take it as a warning sign and get off the computer.

    I could really use an accountability partner, or just someone to check in with every now and then. Good luck to my fellow NoFappers!
    Awakening123 likes this.
  2. Awakening123

    Awakening123 Fapstronaut

    1) Downloading a porn blockers may be the best option for you.
    2) Don't visit sites or search anything you are not familiar with. Avoid using image search as it can have triggers regardless of what you search.
    3) Writing a daily journal here helps a lot and helps to keep track of your progress.
    4) Workout, meditate, stay as busy as possible, have a plan and goals for everyday.


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