Rebooting

Hi all,
I am a 60 year old male who has started a new life without porn. I've been watching Mantak Chia and read about Tantra and Dao and Life Energy they call Chi and decided I want more of that Life Energy.
I have been leading a life without porn now since October 12th 2018.
My goal is to have a healthy sex life without porn and ejaculations. I'd love to become a multi-orgasmic man who is totally comfortable with his own body and is able to spread the life energy and use it as a life force.
I am in a relationship right now which has suffered from my porn addiction. We're getting back on track now, starting to discover intimacy again and simply loving the physical sensations and connection.
I am looking for a helping hand with my addictions in general through this forum. Cross addiction is my main weak spot. I can switch from one addiction to another (eating, working, browsing etc) which will stop me doing what I really want: Coaching, Writing and Giving Music-meditations. I meditate, practice Chi Kung and am active in personal growth and spirituality. I'd love to get into contact with people who have the same interest and recognize the problems to share our experiences.
Thanks!

 

Thanks @Gmork for your kind words. What a good idea to start a journal!
Sending you the best wishes too.

 

Today I used Mark Queppet's method of becoming a man of action and IT WORKED. I've been struggling for so long with writing on my book and his down to earth ideas gave me the tools to get over my hesitations. I wrote for three hours in a row which I haven't done for ages!!

"Triggering the blackhole" was the eyeopener for me. It's about not backing away from the stress you feel when you stop escaping (like P., internet, eating), but go towards it and embrace it.

Going after your dreams involves always getting over stress and anxiety and with his method I was able to do that. This is such an important step in keeping away from PMO and other addictions. These tools take away the power they have over me. Stress, anxiety, pain are normal when stopping escaping and start building your dreams.

Thanks everyone for sharing.

 

Thank you for your warm welcome, @Coffee Candy. I'd already discovered and read most of the links, however one or two were new to me. I started up a journal, used the PMO tracker and chose an avatar.
I'm surely trying with all my heart, in fact I already started P back in October 2018. Now I decided to add MO since I want a complete reset and hope to get some more energy. Luckily I already feel it right now with some help of videos I came across via this forum. So, I am very glad I took the step to join this community!

 

So, day 9 is on! My longest streak without O has been 14 days. I'm starting to feel some pressure. Releasing the tension is my main focus. I was thinking yesterday that I did MO partly because I couldn't release the tension. Thanks to this forum I found some NoFap meditations and the progressive muscle relaxation technique. This technique helps me to relax my body by first flexing the muscles in my body for 5-10 seconds and then releasing. This sort of feels like an O and is helping me greatly to relax in bed, which is the hardest part.

Also I start having a conversation with my thoughts. I have begun to see them as outside of me and labeled them 'voices'. I've been very curious on who's behalf these voices are talking to me. F.e. while I was making breakfast a thought arose 'I need to eat honey and peanut butter' so I asked the voice 'on who's behalf are you speaking' and I heard 'I'm you' so I asked him 'Are you the kind me? Or the forceful me?' After this it was silent and I noticed that I felt more free to eat whatever I wanted. Feels a bit crazy talking to myself, but it helps so who cares. I'll try this on my PMO when it arises.

Also I found Mark Queppet's video's on changing from a man of intent to a man of action also very helpful. Discipline is the keyword and it helps me to be aware that pain and stress are a normal part of changing behavior from escapism (P, snacking, internet surfing) to realizing my dreams (writing, coaching, music-meditations) and that I can stop running away from these feelings and embrace them. Self-acceptance is key for for that so I keep on practicing talking to myself as my best friend would.

It's very encouraging to have more control over my urges. It makes me more confident I can pull off the 90 days challenge. 10% done only 90% to go.

 

Day 14. I've found out something that is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT for me.

Since October 2018 I've been struggling with feelings of guilt and an overwhelming sense of intense grief and now I discovered my mind is playing tricks on me which has given me a FEELING OF GREAT RELIEF.

I'll try to explain it as short as possible. I've been PMO'ing for 45 years from my teens. At the age of 32 I got depressed and had a Near Death Experience. I started living a spiritual life more close to my heart, changing around pretty much everything in my life, except the PMO. I fooled myself in believing that this was okay within my spirituality.
Fast forward to 2018 this all came out and both my loved one and my 18yo daughter were very disappointed in me especially because I had always held my spiritual life high. They both didn't want me in the house, so I was forced to live elsewhere. Since then I have learnt a great deal, built up a new relationship with my wife and daughter and tried to deal with all the pain and guilt.
Again fast forward to the present, there was a moment today when I felt the grief again engulfing me. Suddenly I saw the thought in my mind that was tricking me. It was saying: 'We were such a beautiful family, why did I ruin it?'
Then it struck me... the family situation wasn't as beautiful as it seemed. There was always the undercurrent of regular PMO, which I didn't feel comfortable with, although I told myself I was. This was always the ticking time bomb which was due to explode any moment.

So, for the umpteenth time I discovered a flaw in my mind. I'm glad to be able to share it with you guys. Stay alert and be critical towards your thoughts. They can haunt you.

 

Thank you for your invite and your best wishes, @Mowgli 32.