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Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by kumarach, Sep 24, 2021.

  1. kumarach

    kumarach Fapstronaut

    all my life i have been feeling lonely and depressed as i did not really have a friend circle a place and a comfort zone to vent out things.i used to think of being lonely as a curse and something i hated for years of my life,i am constantly interacting with people superficially and the so called SOCIALISING does happen but rarely ever do i really feel connected.
    it's like i've seen enough of things in my life of just 19 yrs to lead me to the conclusion that the world doesn't really care who you are,what you do where you are and how you feel on a daily basis.
    yess kind and helpful people do exist i don't deny the fact i do acknowledge the thing that selfless actions do happen everyday in the world but even among those the 99% are those which are aimed at something material some gain tactical economical,political,religious or maybe psychological.feeling lonely is a something that i learnt at a very young age.something that helps me cope with my internal issues.helps me peek into my own self.
    being with others; a person talks about different things which i believe is also essential so as to feel normal once again,to reduce the issues that arise between people at workplace to something more agreeable between both parties.

    but i am done,i lay to rest the concepts of love and friendship and socializing, happened after a lot of thought and deliberation.most probably i would do the following only when i see a gain not otherwise, coz when i reflect back and see things,i realize that trust really is a dangerous game and trusting people can sometimes be devastating in life.
  2. HitB

    HitB Fapstronaut

    I saw this had no replies, so I had to read it. It is somewhat difficult to understand, but I think I got the gist of it. First, I would say that a recent realization of mine has been similar to yours. All love is transactional in some form or fashion. The only unconditional love you'll ever experience will be God in whatever form or fashion you perceive it. An argument could be made for a mother or family member of some sort. But as you said, they likely want something in return, such as love as shown through your actions. However, I don't think that's necessarily a problem. Transactions of goods happen every day and we don't perceive it as wrong. Why? Because nothing is free. Our desire for anything to be free stems from sheer laziness. We all want something for nothing. But that's not how the world works. We have to work for what we want. So if you want something, go after it, my man. But expect to put in some work to get it.
    Second, I agree--no one is going to save you. Or me. The world more often than not will not care about you unless you present yourself in a way that makes it notice you. No Superman will save us. We have to save ourselves.
    Third, existential loneliness is a thing. No one can get inside your head as fully as you. Thus, no one can truly understand you completely. They may be able to guess based on what you say and how you act, but at the end of the day, we are all alone no matter how many people surround us. But we must praise others who actually put forth the effort to try and understand us.
    Fourth, find a purpose. For a good chunk of my teens and twenties, I felt purposeless. Nihilist, if you will. Nothing mattered, so who cares? I thought hard. If we were created, there must be a universal purpose for all man, not simply "individual" purposes that everyone creates for themselves. That simply proves that life is meaningless and only we provide our purpose (which isn't necessarily bad). Then I figured that our purpose in life as individuals and as a collective whole, if we were created by God, would be as simple as "Positively impact the lives of others." Then I was filled with peace. If you're not religious, I still think it's a solid purpose.
    Fifth and finally, endure. I think Friedrich Nietzsche said it best:
    "To those human beings who are of any concern to me I wish suffering, desolation, sickness, ill-treatment, indignities — I wish that they should not remain unfamiliar with profound self-contempt, the torture of self-mistrust, the wretchedness of the vanquished: I have no pity for them, because I wish them the only thing that can prove today whether one is worth anything or not — that one endures."
    Patience and persistence pay off dividends.
    That is all. I hope you find what you are looking for, my man.
  3. silentmike

    silentmike Fapstronaut

    "feeling lonely is a something that i learnt at a very young age.something that helps me cope with my internal issues."

    I believe it's those internal issues is what is causing all the problems outside. We live in the world where you see everywhere tendency to have friends and be surrounded by people all the time. You see this in cartoons for kids, movies, ads, social apps... Not everyone is compatible with this tendency, there are various reasons like being introverted type or having undiagnosed mild asperger syndrome. This makes your body/mind not function properly in group. How to deal with it? You can work on it, read a lot, maybe see specialist. In Buddhism there is a idea that to remove pain you need cut a source of it. This would mean to stop seeing all those movies about friends all around, ads., social apps etc. It's like with with nofap, if you do want to be PMO free, then you need to stop thinking about P, otherwise you will surely fail. But what is the real source of those P. thoughts? Maybe woman? That means you should stop thinking about the opposite sex entirely.

    Just some random thought which are bothering me lately. Have good day.
    Fantareality and HitB like this.
  4. HitB

    HitB Fapstronaut

    Wise words, silentmike. I may take up that bit of advice myself, actually.
    Fantareality likes this.

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