Gentlemen, I wanted to start a thread where we can expose our subversive baheaviors. These are behavioral patterns we possess and exhibit subconsciously or outright, that we have most likely engrained into our everyday lives, and harm us, others, or prevent us from achieving the best versions of ourselves possible. These have probably contributed to our addiction, and by shedding light onto them, I believe we can gain consciousness of and overcome them. I will go first, one is my avoidance. This has prevented me from doing what I thought was my fourth step of SA, but was really the disclosure letter to my wife and progresssing in my recovery. Two is diminishing my wife, when we were starting this group I sent a message intended to help question ones motives with regards to sexual acts. As part of that I made disparaging remarks about wife in regards to fellatio where I said she “hasn’t been that great at it. It also doesn’t help that her hands are tougher/rougher than mine.” I shared what I thought was a good response with her, but realized, not only was this shaming her, but it wasn’t even necessary to share. This led to her being upset, me trying to justify it by saying I was “open and honest”, which led to her being triggered because I was not only gaslighting her (making it her fault) but this was a typical reason I would use in saying hurtful things about or to her. While I’ve made a lot of progress, this was a set back for us. It certainly didn’t strengthen our intimacy, respect, or her security. Sure I owned it as much as possible, but it really took a couple of days to fully realize the damage and get to the root of it and to practice true empathy with her. The reality it is a gift to just hold her or touch her, let alone to have her touch me in a sexual manner. Now that you have some sobriety under your belt, what have you seen in you that needs work and to be cast out into the open?