Reconverting to the BEST of MYSELF!

Hey guys! I'm a 17 year old male. This is my story concisely:

So, a 14 year old boy once stumbled upon a naked girl playing with her privates. And he got aroused. He never really understood why, but then he went for more, searching for more, hungry for more. And before he knew it, he was addicted to porn. Big Time!
This wasteful routine has existed in my life for about 3-4 years now, not sure how or why. Even I'm astonished after typing that time span...that's the amount of time I've wasted. But back to the topic, Porn was not integral to my life or anything. Just that it was a stupid habit I never quite got rid of. In time, I lost most of my amazing stamina, my clarity of thought, my sharp and long-lasting memory, and now I'm also losing my hair. Not ugly yet, but if I continue to PMO, then I might as well become that.

So that pretty much sums up my story so far. I really don't care about how my past life has been, and to be honest, I wouldn't trade any part of it for anything else. I have loved every moment of it, but for the excessive masturbation and porn.

WHAT I DO CARE ABOUT IS MY FUTURE.

I'm not new to NoFap. In fact, I had signed up in the reddit forum for nofap. Did the February NoFap challenge this year (2017). 28 days without a wheezer felt AWESOME. And then I did something stupid. I tested myself. About how it felt watching porn after such a long time. Whether I could control myself or not. And all my success got wiped off in an instant. I've been relapsing since, about every 2nd-3rd day or so.

Recently, I've gone 5 days without even watching porn. I'm aiming to go fap-free for a 100 days. Already 5 days in it.
I'll be posting here daily (I'll try to be super punctual ). Knowing the NoFap community, I hope to receive as much help as I can. I appreciate an advice, tips, past and personal experiences, motivation, etc.

Sorry if my introductory post is veryyyyyyy long! But I hope you'll can and you'll do understand me. Thanks for reading if you've come this far! Lets smash those 100 days fellow fapstronauts!!

 

Thanks for replying
About PMO, I've discovered the hard way that total abstinence is the only way ahead. There is no way around it, even if I take a peek then my primitive brain jumps into action and the rest is guaranteed history.
I've installed porn blockers on chrome, firefox and UC browser. I disabled internet explorer (thankfully,it was very complicated and I don't remember how to undo it) because I never used it really except when I was 'urged' and it did not have any porn blockers.
Other than that, I'm giving some crucial exams today and tomorrow, so I haven't really had time to spend my energy on anything else other than studying or napping. After Sunday, I'm going back to my old routine of swimming, gym-ing and then sleeping by 10pm or so and wake up by 4:30 - 5am. I'll add substantially more to these points by tonight, and post a few burning questions too.
Have a GREAT DAY everyone

 

So today is my 6th day being awesome. This post is really late around my time here (midnight to be precise) but I was up watching a match. Staying up late night really drags you to that urge of just looking at girls somehow, so I'll stop right now! Thank you DJ, I'll definitely look up to the article you have suggested and write about that later. Good night!

 

Another day awesome! Sorry for posting late, my exams just ended and I went crazy celebrating my freedom
But seriously, there have been 0 urges so far, yes there was an urge ambush but I kept it away! (thanks D.J for sharing that thread, helped a lot
Another thing that I would like to know is does meditation help? I tried it once for a few days but it was worthless. I didn't feel like making a habit then because I was busy with my studies. So please suggest anything on this matter, I could do with meditation. Thanks!

 

Another day clean. I kept myself super busy today. Went to classes, came back and instead of opening my laptop when I was sleepy and tired, I went swimming and then to gym. I'm feeling so tired I'll sleep within minutes, but thats the whole point of my routine. I'm gonna sleep early and wake up earlier. Good night fapstronauts keep up the good work

 

Another day awesome. I think I'm experiencing blue balls and and it is very discomforting...but it's happened once and it went away after some time. But any tips for blue balls?
Also I'll have a 10 day vacation starting from 1st of May and I was thinking about going offline for a month although I'll keep updating over here daily. Any thoughts? As always, goodluck

 

ALERT, I relapsed today...sigh! Please read ahead and then give me advice on THIS PARTICULAR PROBLEM. Even as I'm writing now, 5 mins after my relapse, my hands are kind of trembling.
And I won't make any excuses because it was a conscious mistake, something I did knowingly.
So last night, at about 4 am I woke up and had this urge ambush. I did not pay attention. Instead I picked up my kindle and started reading Harry Potter, great diversion. So I fell asleep in 40-45 mins and woke up at 6:30.
No classes today, so I was reading the paper when the same urge ambushes me again. I still ignore it and it subsides. The next time though it kicks in so hard, and that too when I'm on my mobile. Had I been on my laptop, I would have had 0 problems because of the plethora of filters I've installed. But I haven't found anything yet for my mobile and I caved in. The fact that I gave in when I was on top makes me feel disgusted!
I hope not to repeat this mistake and all I can say is that I won't go soft on myself about it because whenever I have forgiven myself for committing this 'human error' my lizard brain has encouraged me to be more 'human'. Sorry guys, but for me its a new dawn

 

So today was hard. One thing that I learnt from my urges is that they keep knocking hard. The enemy keeps breathing down your neck, you know its coming for you and it is very tricky to keep comforting yourself when it feels like its left you for a while and when you feel safe...BAM! That's when it strikes you clean. And today I kept telling myself I'll not succumb and third time I made the mistake.
I won't give it any chances. Sounds tough but no pain, no gain. And its time I got back all my gain for all the pain I've gone through. Goodnight folks, I wait for the sunrise with high hopes

 

One Update : I just updated my daily badge counter because I kind of saw nude girls. Not porn but I still consider it harmful at this stage of my recovery and I felt cheating myself would do me no good. Sleepy right now, I'll write in the morning. Good night

 

I've been away for way too long on this journal so sorry for that. My results came out and somehow I did exceptionally well!
I had my vacations and was out of town for a few days without any devices so I couldn't post any updates or anything. I'll be back tonight to post about my new day. Till then good luck fapstronauts!

 

So another day being awesome went by. Felt a few urges but kept myself in check. I've started to hand over my mobile and laptop to dad after 10 pm under the excuse that I won't get distracted studying. I'm going to try meditation very soon and will keep updated about it. Till then good luck folks

 

Sorry to be back after such a long time. This was my first ever post but by not continuing here regularly I've been away from nofap and ended up in the same miserable cycle. I expect better from myself and hence have asked for help. One thing I never did was ask for help when I required it.
https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/could-really-do-with-some-help.107148/
The above link is my latest thread and one where all your inputs all be required and appreciated. Thanks and please check it out.