Recovery Journal

Day 34 slept alright but for the morning I dreamt about hospital(old style maybe 50s) and nurses(in WW2 uniforms) all willing to do it, huge row of dead people/souls a lot of young guys perished with the help of those nurses and I felt myself grabbing all the privates parts and kissing that nurse felt the tongues play ..so real and I woke up sound and dry.Yes apparently its easier to control it in your waking life then in your sleep.But i believe that attitude and alertness is built when you are awake,through your day's thoughts actions and feelings.

 

Day 35 slept not too bad but again I seen women and had affair(this time they were students in a campus) in my dreams (without wd/ne). Well I guess it takes what it takes for these things to disappear and leave me alone in peace.

 

Day 36 slept not too bad and without any women seductions today .In the morning I remembered my dreams but now it would take a regression hypnotherapy to pull them up to the surface as I didn't write them down straight away.

 

Day 37 had a difficulty in falling asleep,due to few factors-overexercised,had caffeine containing drink and worried about sex dreams. Went to bed at 9:30 but fallen asleep at around 12(felt aching muscles even when not moving).Meditation in the morning was so-so due to the weak concentration and felt some kind of sleepiness not up to the par through the day.

 

Day 38 slept so-so-a lot of sex related dreams made me sleep quite consciously and woke up twice through the night.Had a light headache in the morning.Feel calmness no matter what and a light adventurousness .

 

Day 39 slept more or less the same as yesterday and had a headache too but later through the day at about noon.Who knows maybe its because of too many steps(done 30k+today). By the way my mental endurance has increased by leaps and bounds-I can study for hours know,not only watch videos anymore .

 

It really felt like witches sexy and deadly,I guess the more masculine power you have the bigger the attraction of the feminine power.It's like if the more you go without PMO the more you are attracted,like if restraint charges you internal magnetism.

 

Day 40 slept so-so woke up once,cant recall dreams now.Felt mostly tiredish through the day I guess it's because I walked a lot yesterday and ended the day with 31k on my pedometer.

 

Day 41 slept not too bad . Done 2 hour workout in the gym and 15k+ on my pedometer.The were so many sexy looking women in the that i tried to avert my eyes to look at something else when having breaks between sets but it was nearly impossible.The next thing I've done that helped me to return to calm mental state was-I told myself that everything I see including me is a consciousness and it is created by mind into the shape that allows it to realize itself in the world.Then I thought about what could be the motive of consciousness in showing naked and protruding through tight closing body parts ? I realised that one of the motives is to have lustful glances from potential sex partners or people hooked on porn,as well as admiring glances or comments from their girlfriends.Form is always made to influence targeted consciousness in its surroundings.

 

Day 42 slept not too bed without waking up.Done 3 hours workout and have 22k on my steps counter,could have done more ,but when you become soaking wet in the December rain you want to get home and have a warm drink .

 

Day 43 slept not too bad , but become alerted at about 3 am and persevered in bed for another 2.5 hours .Levels of conscious awareness were quite good through the day with the exception after the gym session (felt a bit sleepy when tried to study).

 

Day 44 slept so-so,woke up after 5 hours with bad headache sat in the bed and tried meditate for about half an hour but pain was way too distracting,went back to sleep and done my best to have at least 7 hours in bed,but a bit overdone and ended up with 8. Awareness was not so good ,because of the headache and medicine, until about 12am after 12 became quite good.

 

Day 45 slept not too bad,woke up by alarm but was too sleepy and went back to bed for another half hour nap .Woke up and hit the cold shower,later done a long meditation about 45 minutes,studied and had a chat with my neighbors .A bit overdone it in the gym but found out that it's easier to keep your desired heart rate on the steps master than on the running track.

 

Hi,first of all can you change you nick name to ' I am Free ' instead of your current one, because it acts on you like reinforcing suggestion always somewhere in the future,never in the present.You got to live here and now,not delaying what has to be done now into some vague-uncertain future .
If you wake up in the middle of the night just use your will power,relax and fall asleep( count backwards from 500 to 1 slowly),treat your sleep like meditation with timer set for 7 - 8 hours and waking up as a distraction from being in the place where your soul has to be during night hours.
Well I can suggest few things:
*Persist in rebooting and eat a lot of food with good ant-inflammatory qualities.
*Don't eat and drink a lot about an hour before going to bed.
*Just before going to bed visit the toilet.
*Reduce the amount of spicy food because it is conductive to nightmares and irritation in the urinary tract.
*Don't watch scary , violent movies before going to bed otherwise you gonna take those emotions with you into the dream state.
*Don't see women as objects for satisfying your lust through the day, because day to day experiences tend to be carried out into the dream state too.
*

 

Day 46 slept not too bad,but after I woke up by my alarm I went on to snooze for about another hour. Had a walk and after breakfast felt sleepy and hit the bed for half an hour. Upon waking up I felt like I'd caught a cold and took some aspirin and paracetamol to get better.It took about an hour to get there.Helped my neibour to fix some electronic toy and enjoyed sunny weather outside for a few moments.Somehow i feel that meditation and prayer as well as the right effort are the means for sorting out inner turmoil and anxiety into order and tranquility.

 

Day 47 slept not too bad but due to some sort of cold or flu I tend to snooze and stay extra time in bed.No nightmares.I just realized that I kind of procrastinating on real life changing stuff,whilst being easier on myself and doing mostly the stuff I like doing.

 

Day 48 slept so-so because of the flu/cold related symptoms worsened in the night time ,had to wake up and take some aspirin.Huge morning wood in the morning ,quite heavy day, no fun.

 

Day 49 slept alright.Finished my 42 hours dry fasting today and feel quite good.Still have to take flu/cold medication and be careful about exercises and cold showers .