Recovery v Heartbreak

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by anje, Jan 5, 2018.

  1. anje

    anje Fapstronaut

    So I am going good with no P. But I am not seeing the benefits so many describe as yet just over 30 odd days in. I am not sure how much it us the cloud of the pain of separation from my wife. I have moved into a room near the family home in the home of being close to and seeing the kids. Tonight I am worried for a relapse. I have to go back to this place I am sharing with a guy who is nice enough but he is going to be there with his girlfriend tonight. I am having to leave the dog with my dad as it feels too much to bring her there. Yesterday my wife got very angry and told me how she feels about me, how she just wants to be free of me and she refuses to discuss anything to the point she does not want me coming over at all now. She days I act entitled but that I am not worth talking to her, I get the anger but why does she need to make this hurt so much. Does she not feel any love for me anymore. I am mostly worried what this isolation is going to do. I know I need to be strong for me but the rejection of not being good enough for her keeps coming back again and again and feels worse at night. I so much want to be a success story and I believe I can do it, it is the negative things she says about me, the way she has done this and seems to want to completely disown me which are causing the loss of self worth while she just seems to get stronger. I just need some support on here. Someone to tell me that I can do this, whatever she says about me that am worth my own love for myself and the past can be changed, that I can be believed in. Thank you.
  2. James0224

    James0224 Fapstronaut

    Hi anje,

    You should definitely be grateful and congratulate yourself for managing 35 days. It is a great achievement. Well done!
    It seems you have some relationship issues. I would suggest seeing a professional i.e. a therapist to talk about the situation. This could really help.

    Wish you all the best for the future
  3. anje

    anje Fapstronaut

    Thanks. Sadly she does not want to anymore. Thanks for your words of encouragement though.
  4. Wildrabbit

    Wildrabbit Fapstronaut

    Keep it up, anje C:
  5. statego

    statego Fapstronaut

    i would say that you have to move on
    if this treats you like this ..You deserve s lot more than this person i can tell you that. What you are describing sounds realy abusive i would suggest you to move on. It will take time but you can’t just stay there and her destroy your self worth. You have to shield yourself from this

    good luck my friend .
  6. ImQuittingNow

    ImQuittingNow Fapstronaut

    Quitting Porn won't necessarily change your life, but by quitting your freeing yourself from the chains of addiction and the shame/guilt you get. It's how you use your freedom that will change your life. By being able to respect yourself and introducing positive habits you'll slowly feel much better. As far as the situation with your wife I'm really not expert, but it sounds like a professional would help. I don't know the whole story of course, but finding someone like a therapist or someone to help you guys out sounds like the right idea. You guys are both hurting and are dealing with it in different ways. And maybe it's best for you and your wife to go on your own paths too. I'm not saying it is, but sometimes things just end up not being meant to be. Remember you still got your whole life ahead of you. Also don't isolate yourself during this time. Try to talk to your friends as much as you can and let them help you. Best of luck :)
  7. NewLifeForGood86

    NewLifeForGood86 Fapstronaut

    Whatever happens, don’t stop working on yourself and beating your addiction. I’ve seen people destroy there lives as a result of a divorce. But if they had dealt with it differently they could have been at a better place in life. You obviously want to get things back on track with your wife. But if it doesn’t happen, just remember that things that happen to us in life does not define our future. It’s how we deal with those situations that will define our success in life. I say pray to God and give it a last shot. If it doesn’t work out then see it as an opportunity to grow and become stronger so that you can open up better possibilities in life and at least be a better father to your kids, who they can look up to. This will require patience and faith though. And one very important advice. If you don’t work occupy yourself with some work and some exercise daily. If you stay idle you will become depressed.
    ImQuittingNow, FeatheredTalo and anje like this.
  8. iaj

    iaj Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    This is my second attempt of NoFap. I don't recall how long it took on my first attempt to notice benefits but I think this second time around I started noticing benefits after 45-60 days. So hang in there dude, the rewards are around the corner. If life is currently stressful, then it might take a little longer. It'll be worth it, I promise you.
    ImQuittingNow likes this.
  9. Tonytone

    Tonytone Fapstronaut

    Clauss24 likes this.
  10. Tonytone

    Tonytone Fapstronaut

    Clauss24 likes this.
  11. ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved

    ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved Fapstronaut

    Hey! Sounds like a difficult time. Nothing can make the pain go away with a *snap* of fingers. You can pray to God though for peace, and He who sent His only Son Jesus to die for us will give you the strength to continue.

    I prayed for you
  12. arminhul

    arminhul Fapstronaut

    Keep it up Anje...

    I can understand how hard this can be. But stick with Nofap. I made the mistake of self medicating with PMO when my relationship ended. Soon I was doing it for every disappointment in my life. And as you can imagine things are not so great now.

    Stick with Nofap. You must be incredibly strong to have managed this many days in this situation. Stick with Nofap and life will become better. Nofap won't solve all problems but at least you will feel stronger everyday and be better able to face life. Which is a pretty big advantage to have.

    Become the man you always wanted to be. And then maybe you will have the things you want or something better or you won't need what you now think you do.

    Nofap is about the hardest thing I have ever done. Harder than getting over my ex. Harder than job. Harder than setting up my own business. And still I am nowhere near beating the habit.

    Keep busy. Use your time for doing other things to improve yourself. All the best man.
    ImQuittingNow and anje like this.
  13. mrsazay

    mrsazay Fapstronaut

    You can do it bro, you need to surround yourself with people that care , you have to stand strong for yourself and your kids. You can't win any battles when you pmo. You need to rediscover is hard to follow advice when you feel lost , you might have lost the battle but the war for your life is still on. FIGHT
    Tonytone, pookey007 and anje like this.
  14. pookey007

    pookey007 New Fapstronaut

    Hey, I’m real sorry to hear this. Unfortunately no one can change the past, but you can shape the future. I can tell you from personal experience isolation is not good for you man. Find something you like to do (I play pool) and find some friends you can talk with and hang around at whatever you enjoy doing. Trust me man everything will turn out okay. Make an effort with your kids, they’ll know that you love them, that’s the most important thing. Stay strong brother . My thoughts are with you.
  15. VietelJuice

    VietelJuice Fapstronaut

    Sorry to hear about your issues, sounds like a rough time.

    I wouldn't always read too much into what she's saying, you probably know what your problems but some people would rather take their frustrations out on other people than look at themselves. It sounds like she's angry and even if ypu try fix everything she mentions it won't make no difference.

    It is a hard time dude. As someone who gave up porn for years before pmo I found that in itself it's not enough to break the cycle. When you can try the whole PMO.

    You'll likely begin to feel more awesome about yourself quite quickly. After abput 40 days you'll feel way calmer. Do it for yourself, but who knows the new, better you might be able to fix things better between you or you'll realise it wasn't working and move on. At the very least it will help you gain a little more control on everything- my experience is though that it has been quite transformational.
    Awakeatlast likes this.
  16. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

    hey man! tough situation.
    It feels like you both are angry and upset in different ways. Many times it's easier just to be angry and blame everything on to the other person in order to avoid looking inwards. Probably this situation is not easy for her either and this anger is a way of putting all relationships problems under the same light, or a way of blaming it on you. She is also clearly trying to make you understand and change things that she doesn't like about you in a more extreme way.

    You clearly need some professional help though. Going through a break up must not be easy and therapy can help you understand the whole process. You can also take advantage of it and use it for dealing with porn addiction if you have it.

    This is a moment where you mostly need to take care of yourself

    It feels like you need a lot of approval and encouragement from the outside in order to pick yourself up. She also seems to have a lot of power over you, controlling you with strong and negative emotions which can be very difficult to understand and process specially when you are so involved in the relationship.

    I think that what your wife wants is for you to pick yourself up and own your life, work on yourself, become independent again, for you to not depend on her emotionally and to actually be a strong person that can go with her through life. Actually I feel we all need a partner like that.

    If I were you, and it's always easier said than done. I would work on myself. start going to the gym, going to therapy, finding ways to be happy on my own, visit my kids and make sure they're ok, finding ways to improve myself (physically and mentally), work hard, basically become emotionally stable and transform myself into an independent strong person again.

    Begging for forgiveness wont bring your wife back, you'll have to prove her that you're worth it and first you have to believe it yourself. This will surely take some time, but trust the process man, you'll come out stronger than ever and become a better and more powerful man after this.

    You can do this man! you're much stronger than what you believe. And I assure you that when you turn your focus into yourself you'll feel more powerful than ever.
    mrsazay and anje like this.
  17. Sananafraz

    Sananafraz Fapstronaut

    It sounds like you want to read your success story before you write it. Go and write it. Let us read it.
  18. anje

    anje Fapstronaut

    Working on it....It will come
    Tonytone and Sananafraz like this.

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