Red Alert

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by arminhul, Jul 9, 2015.

  1. arminhul

    arminhul Fapstronaut

    I came to the forum last month. Had a 15 day streak. Then relapse. Then 4 bad days. Then a 3 day streak. Then relapse again today morning.

    I am at work now and I am struggling to control. Ran to this forum to stay away. Not doing any work. And damn I am supposed to be leading a team. Spent the last hour reading about controlling arousal and flitting between images.

    Then searched for my ex online and felt my erection drop like skydiving. But now that I am typing this I am feeling the pressure build up again. I will get off my chair and go for walk after I finish.

    Thing which is bothering me(and helping me stay away right now) is my looking at my ex gf.

    I loved her as honestly as any man ever loved. Or as honestly a PMO addict can I guess.

    She is gone 4 years. In 4 years my PMO became a way to cope with loss and general chaos is all areas of my life. Career went downhill faster than light. Pride, confidence, looks, luck everything down the drain.

    If I was at +10 after graduation when she was still there, I went to -100 after she left. Right now I am I would say managed to claw my way back to level 0 career wise.

    PMO I have trying to fight these 4 years. No success mostly. I did it everyday, to numb myself and lived like a zombie but I don't want to anymore.

    15 days streak was the best I have ever had. Total absolute Hardmode and it was weirdly easy to do. Yes it was easy.

    Then I relapsed and now it is hard.

    But looking at my exgf online, plummets my heart rate. I can literally hear my heart beating. Breathing becomes hard, pit in stomach, shallow breathing. Damn I loved her. I don't want to keep looking at her to keep off.

    I don't want her to be remotely the purpose. I want to do nofap to become stronger and let go and damn it is complicated. Right now I feel overwhelmed. Almost helpless

    Would really appreciate some advice.
  2. Markguy

    Markguy Fapstronaut

    I relate to having a career and life crash. Clawing your way back like you are doing is what you have to do.

    Maybe instead of looking at pic of your ex to help stop addictive feelings, you could shift from past to future. Maybe create a pic or montage of pics showing your future vision of your life that is positive and uplifting and use that as a focus. Keep moving forward and you can do it!
    Hero One and FrozenFroglet like this.
  3. Icyweb

    Icyweb Fapstronaut

    Make a list of all the things that are good about you. Why do you deserve to be free of this addiction. Think of the other people in your life who this affects, or who it would affect if they knew about it. These are good motivations. You'll beat your previous best, and make it to the point where everyday is the new longest time you've been free of PMO. Just keep at it. Keep posting, keep reading, and look into getting an accountability partner.
  4. You should not fight with irrationality with irrationality, because wins that which has more control over you at the moment. To free yourself from porn you need reasons, self-confidence and discipline, which can be acquire by reading science textbook or my journal.
  5. arminhul

    arminhul Fapstronaut

    Thanks Mark, ReasoningScientifically.

    All I need is the willpower, which fapping away is taking away. Trying very hard to break the cycle. Break the habit.

    I know exactly what I have to do. I stumble because I fap and I started fighting the habit when I realised why I am miserable all the time.

    Even though I miss her, I can logically explain the situation to myself and be ok with it. Damn heart misses the whole feeling of being liked and loved ad understood. Problem also lies in the fact that she tried to help me get out of it, I never bothered then, now I am fighting to be a better man and she is not there to see me become better. It is when the pain of regret comes to me that I stumble again.

    Pain can make me feel fiercely want to better myself, usually with aim to get her back ultimately. But this I know is the wrong way to approach the bigger problem of things being wrong with me internally. The world is fine as it has always been. I fucked myself to kingdom come and now I have the hard task, near colossally impossible task to rebuild my life.

    Part of me takes pride, that at least I am realising this. I see people(even if they have no PMO problem) struggle through life with no clue of what they need to be doing. They complain, I don't complain about any of the bullshit in my life, I don't blame anyone but myself. I don't exactly blame myself also, because I realise its a mistake I had to make.

    In short it is a hard job. And I am fighting harder than I have every fought in my life. I am finaling manning up to the job. Its just the pressure is huge and I end up fapping to ease it and it being the vicious circle it is, I am trapped again.

    I got the theory, the motivation, but I come up short on willpower. And that why I fail.

    Thanks everyone...pls advice if I am thinking wrongly.
  6. Hero One

    Hero One Fapstronaut

    Hi arminhul,

    Well done for taking responsibility and being intentional in beating your addiction. It sounds like you've had a rough few years after your breakup, and that's causing some real grief in your life.

    As hard as it is to accept, you have to face the fact that your past is gone, an doors that were closed might not open again. Regret is a terrible and painful thing, but you have to live with whatever choices you made.

    It sounds like you've identified that already, which is good. I agree with Markguy - if you want to move forward, you have to stop looking back. If your ex is no longer in your life, it's time to stop clinging to her memory. I'm sure it's not just her your clinging to, but the nostalgic memory in hindsight of how good everything was back then.

    But it can be even better if you focus forward. My advice would be to remove your access to her pics and seeing her. Give yourself no easy way to see her. Your brain is using that as a coping mechanism, and you need to confront this with your own volition.

    We're here for you. There's a bright future for you, and you don't have to live in the regret you've been dwelling in.

    Keep us posted!
  7. Icyweb

    Icyweb Fapstronaut

    It helps to build your willpower with smaller things at the same time as quitting. Take cold showers, enforce a stricter bedtime/wakeup time, cut out junk food, or something like that.

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