I came to the forum last month. Had a 15 day streak. Then relapse. Then 4 bad days. Then a 3 day streak. Then relapse again today morning. I am at work now and I am struggling to control. Ran to this forum to stay away. Not doing any work. And damn I am supposed to be leading a team. Spent the last hour reading about controlling arousal and flitting between images. Then searched for my ex online and felt my erection drop like skydiving. But now that I am typing this I am feeling the pressure build up again. I will get off my chair and go for walk after I finish. Thing which is bothering me(and helping me stay away right now) is my looking at my ex gf. I loved her as honestly as any man ever loved. Or as honestly a PMO addict can I guess. She is gone 4 years. In 4 years my PMO became a way to cope with loss and general chaos is all areas of my life. Career went downhill faster than light. Pride, confidence, looks, luck everything down the drain. If I was at +10 after graduation when she was still there, I went to -100 after she left. Right now I am I would say managed to claw my way back to level 0 career wise. PMO I have trying to fight these 4 years. No success mostly. I did it everyday, to numb myself and lived like a zombie but I don't want to anymore. 15 days streak was the best I have ever had. Total absolute Hardmode and it was weirdly easy to do. Yes it was easy. Then I relapsed and now it is hard. But looking at my exgf online, plummets my heart rate. I can literally hear my heart beating. Breathing becomes hard, pit in stomach, shallow breathing. Damn I loved her. I don't want to keep looking at her to keep off. I don't want her to be remotely the purpose. I want to do nofap to become stronger and let go and damn it is complicated. Right now I feel overwhelmed. Almost helpless Would really appreciate some advice.