Reddit Lurker, New to NoFap

I've been lurking around r/NoFap for some months now.... I got so much motivation to actually commit in only because of the subreddit. (I was losing all my hope before)
I've been trying to achieve a NoFap streak from February only peaked to about 9 days and then urge got me. And yes I know it was not the urge it was me myself who disabled the porn blockers after my peeking for 15 minutes on instagram and twitter.
I don't understand why I keep doing it like an addict like I know it breaks me more than it gives me pleasure. I am a engineering undergrad student and it does affect my studies and I want to get rid of it as soon as possible.
I've recently been following this forum along with the subreddit and truly if not for you guys I would've never even thought I can do this..... my last streak was 4 days just relapsed today morning.... I have a exam coming tomorrow and I'm underprepared but I don't have time to be sad right now.
This is the first time I'm posting somewhere about this as a virtual accountability thread. Hope I'll not lose my control now, tomorrow, ever.
I don't wish to be horny anymore, I just want to be happy

 

Oh, no..... I did it again.... RELAPSE.... fuck... not again.... I know what triggered me.... should not have done that....... it was very voluntary this time.... darn it it's 3:00 AM I should be sleeping.

 

Damn.... Did it again.... I was playing Witcher 3 and..... no way 2 days in a row..... I'm ashamed of myself......

 

Thank you so much for your reply....... I'm feeling better now..... I didn't get any strong urges for 3 days straight.... during this COVID, I'm away from friends so I can't have any accountability partner as such and so I made this thread kind of a open journal.
These 3 days were great, my most productive days in a long time. I'll keep adding my progress positive thoughts and relapses if any here. I think only for my admittance of the last 2 relapses have I come this far. Lets see how it goes......

 

I didn't know about it..... Thanks for letting me know ..... will check that out too....
btw I recently noticed my mistake that I used to make before this particular streak.... that whenever rebooting, I still let myself wander in the world of shameless fantasies and those thoughts were the actual trigger, they built up from the start of the day or a wet dream and slowly became more powerful till the night when I fapped. It's all in your head. Someone said the same this NoFap's forum a long while ago.
These 5 days were different and I played The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt, as I usually do...... but I did not get a boner this time in the romance scene which is part of the game story..... My mind said "you're better than this" and this feeling was different.... I was not horny this time....
That said I'll check the AP section of this forum for sure and still keep this thread updated from time to time!....

 

7 Days strong! Yay! My longest in quite some time..... and no this doesn't tempt me to relapse.... I genuinely wanna keep going more....

 

Had some bad urges today. Maybe because my mid term exams finished and I felt a bit bored. I accidentally saw some erotic content (completely unintentional; I was going through the steam store to buy some games. My sexual content filter was off, so the discovery queue started showing me porn games. I quickly adjusted my settings.... they were just flash of images (in-game screenshots) nothing very graphic but I held myself in control. And I knew exactly where to go, so here I come... back to NoFap forums. Read some motivational threads including my own (this one) which put my brain back on track.
Concludes my 8th day.

TL;DR Got urges, didn't relapse!

 

Shit! I relapsed..... and with that goes my 9 day streak in the drain.... the urge got extreme.... I think it was the same urge that sparked yesterday and though I did not fantasize anything.... it got uncontrollable and I did it.... I peeked and then one thing led to another as it happens and FAPPED!... the first site I peeked was coincidentally not recognized by my porn blocker and there was nothing to stop me.
Sorry guys could not keep my momentum this time. I am rebooting again. Thanks for giving me the strength to even make it this far.......

 

Thank you so much man for following my thread and enlightening me just when I need it. I read both the post entirely.
I am pretty sure that I've found the reason for my recent relapse and the ones before them (yes, the emptiness, the lack of feelings, no real life goals). Just realized I was so aimless. Need to really confess to myself what I want to be.
The second thread is just..... I don't know exactly say it but it resonates with me..... each line has a very personal meaning to me. The long post did not feel long to me at all, although it was painful at times, to admit the truth that was written in it.
I can't be sure if this will change my life completely but I'll certainly start looking at things differently now.... swallowing the truth one bit at a time.

btw YOU SIR HAVE MY RESPECT!