Reducing sexual tension

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Deleted Account, May 14, 2019.

  1. Important information and question!
    Recently I noticed that I have the biggest desire when I talk to a beautiful woman (for example, when I'm returning from the university), and then I enter an empty house.

    Do you have any advice on how to deal with this situation? How to release from this urge and feeling of heat that is not caused by pornography, but only by living contact?

    I will add that as a part of the "self improvement exercises" I try to talk to women a lot, even when they do not attract me or when I know they have a boyfriend.
  2. properWood

    properWood Fapstronaut

    What I'd do is stay with the urge, stay with the feeling. It looks at the beginning as if it will never end and you need a release, but just sit with it for 10 minutes. If after 10 minutes you still need to release, probably release it.

    Here's the theory that I have, discussed today with my psychotherapist about it as well. You talking to a woman and then entering in an empty home is the trigger of an emotion of distress from the past, it makes it bubble up. Your coping mechanism is to want to release it, because facing it is a little too painful and currently deemed as unrewarding. You will not process the emotion this way, you'll cope with it, but your emotion will bubble up once again later. The ideal solution is to sit with the urge, with the emotion until it passes, your body will heat up and you'll feel mad; don't question it, just stay with it. In less than few minutes you'll get over it. Next time you'll have the trigger (ie the woman + empty home), your urge will be lower in intensity. If it takes still 10 minutes and the urge didn't pass, then cope with it, give into it.

    Wanna try it? Let me know if it helps.
    ert and Deleted Account like this.
  3. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    I just made a post of a kind of check list of factors that might contribute to urges and acting out. I think we want to address all factors in a comprehensive way, not only to make a list but think of how all those things work together to create the situation. Basically you are deconstructing it to understand it in a thorough way instead of the approach of only trying one thing.

    I don't know about you but just in general with this addiction, there is a tendency to reduce people to their physical -or- psychological appearance. In the case of "psychological appearance" I would say it relates to the part I am naming as internal narrative, these are stories we have internalized about women and sexual attraction/relating etc. and is a little more subtle than the sensory input - it's how we interpret and makes sense of the information, which may not be realistic and is just how we've been conditioned to think about it.

    The list may seem like a lot, and practically speaking it may help to write down the answers when doing it even once you memorize it, but it just takes a little practice - and it's easy to forget for most people even if they were thorough with it in the moment so it may not make it to long term memory otherwise. If it was for something we are really into or need to know like our favorite movie franchise or a job we're getting paid decently for it is certainly possible for us to remember that much.
    Deleted Account likes this.

  4. Thank you!
    Of course, I will try, but I believe that there will be no need to release it.

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