Refocusing my mind on dating

Recently, I wrote a post a few weeks ago regarding my thoughts on dating for the new year. It wasn't a pleasant one and it lacked encouragement for those who were struggling with dating and relationships. Long story short, I recently found that a lot of people that I know are getting married this year. This includes a close friend and even my best friend.

At that point I was very discouraged given the fact that I had very little experience on relationships. I even pointed out a lot of frustrations and disappointment in myself for my own failures. However, one Fapstronaut told me the honest truth. All I was doing was pointing out nothing but negativity.

I had to refocus my mind on dating in order to improve myself, and so I did. First off, I tried not to compare myself to others. Just because my friends are getting married doesn't mean they are better than me or the fact that I'm behind. It just means that their time to be married has arrived.

Second of all, I refocused my mind on my accomplishments instead. It took me a while to realize the damage that I've done, so I had to turn my mindset around. For starters, I acknowledged that I got promoted at work last year. I have a car, a college degree, and I almost have enough money to move out someday. I kept focusing on all of my goals rather than that one little area (dating).

I then decided what I really wanted in a women. And that was someone who took relationships seriously. Rather than seeking someone who is pretty or really outgoing (which I've done in the past) I refocused my mind on someone who may have similar attributes and core values that I have.

Sometimes when you're concentrating solely one thing (such as dating/relationships) you block out all the positives like I did. It's very hard not to, but you should focus more on your goals, and less on your fears or failures. Focus on progress rather than perfection, and so on. Other than that, I wish all of you the best of luck for the new year. May all your goals and dreams become a reality. Work hard and you will succeed.

 

Thanks man. Sorry for the late reply but I've been busy working. For one thing, healing your heart should be your main priority. When I had my last heartbreak, I had to step back from the dating scene and focus on myself for a bit. You learn a lot about who you are when you go through these tough experiences, especially when it comes to healing. Now that I'm feeling better, I'm willing to give love another shot. I'm more prepared and more cautious than ever. Other than that, I wish you good luck and just keep hanging in there. Time heals all wounds.

 

You bring up lot of good points. I agree that both men and women get pressured to a certain degree when it comes to marriage. I'm Vietnamese by the way, and in most countries like mine, you never have a choice in who you wanna marry. In this country, it's not the same story. However, one of the bad things that can happen is when people force you into marrying someone or they constantly bring it up when you're not ready. In fact, I had my own best friend teasing me if I'm ever gonna get a girlfriend or not, let alone marrying someone.

Other than that, I wish I was in the position that you're at now. I still haven't accepted that I might not marry, although I keep going back and forth whether I actually wanna have kids or not. Nonetheless, being able to love someone would be quite amazing (only because I haven't gotten to that stage in my life yet).

But one point you do have is that when you start to get comfortable with who you are and you stop worrying about who's gonna come into your life, that's when things begin to change. You start to focus on you and you alone. I hope one of these days I'll get to that point. I'm still not fully comfortable with who I am, but at least I've made a lot of progress along the way. Anyway, thanks for your advice and I wish you the best of luck as well.