Rejection by a girl I liked

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Tommy34, Aug 27, 2020.

  1. Tommy34

    Tommy34 Fapstronaut

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    I feel so sad today. I met this girl on a online dating site and we talked for 3 weeks. We found out that we even had mutual friends and we really hit it off. I would talk to her throughout the day, from good mornings to good nights. We even had long phone calls, she would tell me that she never felt like this with anyone before and we matched on another level. Our phone calls were long throughout the day. She lived like 30 minutes away from my place, we planned on meeting on Saturday but she wanted to meet yesterday instead. I was not prepared to meet her yesterday but I really wanted us to meet in person so I made the effort to see her. I also wanted to go with what she felt comfortable with. When it comes to first meetings I get really nervous and my comfort spot is usually going on a walk with a girl or doing some sort of activity instead of face to face. She suggested a car meet up since it was kind of raining. She kind of made me feel insecure about it as she said she had to see her friends right after so she only had about 30 minutes. She also told me that she would feel more comfortable if I came in her car. So there I drove to a meeting spot and got in her car. I felt really awkward as I didn't really feel manly just following her direction to come in her car. It really felt really formal and more and more of a job interview type scenario. Being an introvert I wasn't in my element at all. After talking to her for about 10 minutes I said I'm going to leave as a joke and she said no just stay for a bit. I knew something was off after a while of talking(20 minutes in, she checked her phone), that was my clue to get out. So I told her I'll meet up with her another time and left.

    I messaged her after about and I knew right from messaging her something was off. I told her I wanted to meet up again and more often to get to know each other more. She said ya maybe. Then she is like I was just talking with my friends and I'm not sure. So I told her it was nice getting to know her last night. Today morning she messages saying I just don't want to lead you on. I know you are looking for commitment right away and I feel like I need to heal myself and I'm not ready for this. I know I could still be friends with her but at that point I wished her well and told her I don't want to be friends anymore and I messaged her saying I'm deleting your number. I didn't want to display any weakness to her or question why she thought the way she did.

    I just feel so lost right now because I thought we had chemistry right from the start. This really made me question what's wrong with me. I may have came out shy to her as I'm more comfortable with conversations over phone or perhaps I'm not as attractive in person. I'm someone who needs time to get use to people to be myself. I'm hoping someone from here can share how they overcame something similar to this
     
  2. InappropriateUsername

    InappropriateUsername Fapstronaut

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    Boy I feel you on this one. Fell hard for a girl—we communicated via letters (yeah I’m that old). Then phone calls. We met and I was hit hard. Went on a few dates and had sex. A bit awkward but still fun. Didn’t hear from her for a few days. Called and her mother answered telling me my girl didn’t want to ever see or speak to me again. Just like that.

    I spent months thinking about what I had done? To this day I don’t know.

    It’s tough not knowing why someone so powerfully attracted to you suddenly isn’t.

    In your case it seems like you know—social awkwardness. And she apparently wasn’t willing to give you the time or pace you needed to build up to in-person encounters.

    The only thing you can really do is work on the social skills so you’ll be more confident with the next girl. Also, after you’ve hit it off and are getting to the meet-up stage, let her know up front that you’re shy in person.
     
  3. Shadow™輝ツ

    Shadow™輝ツ Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    Some women are real complex, like @NineInchMale said "It’s tough not knowing why someone so powerfully attracted to you suddenly isn’t" that summarized the whole women thing in one line.
    Now dont let yourself overthink about it, maybe you will, i cant stop you from it , maybe she didnt like you, maybe idk, and there is no point even asking her about it, chances are she wont even tell you, dont beat yourself to it, you do know there are plenty more girls out there, take it easy, and try forget about her if you can :)

    Same, they make a mistake and the next day you know they dont want to talk to you for what reason, and keep us guessing, wth!
     
  4. There are lots of nice girls out there. Girls have lots of options now and can be skitish so don't take it personal. Maybe next time try to convay more of your personality and character (social awkwardness) when in the initial stage and set up the dates more on your own terms. A lot of people not just a social awkward person would find a 30 minute date in someone's car daunting. I know I would.
     
  5. SpoonDog

    SpoonDog Fapstronaut

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    It sucks but unfortunately it’s the nature sometimes of online dating.

    However well you seem to get on exchanging messages or talking on the phone, meeting someone face-to-face is a completely different experience. You have to establish a rapport all over again and sometimes it just isn’t possible. Sometimes people are nothing like you expect them to be.

    I know this is particularly disappointing when you feel a person seems perfect on paper only to meet them and all that previous positive interaction goes out the window.

    Easiest way to deal with it is to learn from the experience and go into dates not expecting too much. And I’m sure there’s nothing wrong with you and that it would have played out similar regardless of how you met - you were simply the wrong fit for each other.
     
  6. Yeah I had a similar experience. I had great chemistry with a girl and I thought she actually liked me. We would talk for hours on phone for days on end. One day she tells me she has a boyfriend and she doesn't want to "Ignite a fire she can't put out" yeah, it was hurting. I thought to myself that I gave it my best shot and it still didn't work out as I hoped. I've eventually resorted to avoid getting emotionally attached and waiting for the girl to be clear with her intentions. I don't know if it will work out but one can only hope.
     
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  7. You need to understand one thing. Life is not easy. Everybody experiences this kind of thing. You are not alone. I also have some really crappy dates with girls or times when I think I'm acting weird.
    But is it worth it to question yourself because you're being rejected? I don't think it is.
    You have to toughen up. You're in a process of personal construction.
    Personally, I approach the girls I like on the street. I know about rejection. Last week I approached nearly 50 girls.

    You have to find meaning in your life. No one will come to save you. When you love yourself unconditionally, regardless of what may happen to you, when you won't let external events challenge you, you can pretend to be happy.

    You are not alone. Work on yourself
     
  8. Tommy34

    Tommy34 Fapstronaut

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    This is everything! Thanks dude!
     
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  9. BigBob73

    BigBob73 Fapstronaut

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    Dont use the phone for chatting and texting. A couple of texts over a coupke of days max, then make a date during the evening at a bar for a drink. Then get the hell off the phone. Guys talking to girls endlessly on texts and phone calls ruins attraction. That's what they do with their girlfriends. You are supposed to be too busy hunting for that nights dinner.
     
  10. I'm sorry that it didn't work out for you man but you can learn from this. I think it is attractive to a girl whenever the guy is decisive about the meet up, I know it's really difficult as you wanted to see her but I think making her wait until Saturday would have really shown her that you have other important matters in your life. This kind of thing drives girls crazy, she'll be wondering why is she not your top priority and that'll only make her want you more. Especially since she was saying that she could only give you 30 mins, next time I would suggest laying off until she agrees to a date that suits you. I think going on a walk or being outdoors with her would've been a much more comfortable scenario for you and would have allowed for conversation to flow better as there's things to look at, talk about and the focus isn't entirely on eachother. I can only imagine how awkward I would be myself getting into a girls car I've never met before and how weird the vibes of that scenario would be. This is a step in the right direction though as any experience talking to real girls is one that we can learn from and this is maybe only a stepping stone so that your next date will go much smoother. Hope this helps brother!
     
  11. Tommy34

    Tommy34 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks dude! You are right. It's an experience
     
  12. Kramum

    Kramum Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to the real world.
    Unfortunately, I don't think you have yet understood that life is about a bit more than just "not showing your weakness" or being an introvert or extravert (things which I don't think even exist).
    Btw this happens a lot. You talk to someone online, imagine getting married and blah blah blah, then you meet them and they turn out to be so much different than what you were hoping for, you just lose interest in them.
     
  13. eric9000k

    eric9000k Fapstronaut

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    I know I am late to the party but I am slowly starting to learn that it is not your role, nor is it beneficial whatsoever, to stimulate a woman through her phone. it's corrupted. It's very very similar to - PMO -

    It's hard not to slip into old patterns when they act like they want you to stimulate them through their phone, but that is exactly what causes the atrophy in attraction.
     
  14. BigBob73

    BigBob73 Fapstronaut

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    By stimulate, you mean phones or just trying to create attraction?
     
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  15. eric9000k

    eric9000k Fapstronaut

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    I'm going hard-line on this. By stimulate I mean engage in such a way that the surrogate activity causes neural activity that resembles genuine social activity NO DIFFERENT from porn in that respect.

    That means, among others, creating attraction. Providing blinky lights and texty bubbles and little red dots. Smiley faces. Saying good morning and the rest of that fucked up shit. It's all gotta go in the trash man. NoFap is great but there is SO MUCH MORE to the problem than just porn.
     
  16. omerico2121

    omerico2121 Fapstronaut

    You've heard this alot but I'll say this again - I'm 100% getting how you feel. I've dated a girl for a half a year, and when we broke up she said she's buisy with studies and she doesn't have time for this. Back then it sounded like a lame excuse, which made me feel even more insecure about it and lay the blame on myself. It's been a few years since then and I still have her in my mind from time to time, thinking that she was the best match I could've find and that I haven't been in a serious relationship since her. But I know this much - if it didn't worked out with her, she isn't a good match for me. There's no reason to dwell on a single girl that nothing's going to happen between us ever again. I can either keep feeling sorry for myself (as I've done in the past few years) or realize that my situation's on my hands and I can do something about being alone. I shall grab my nuts, go out there, meet people, hit on girls, and I advice you to do the same. I know this is easier said then done, believe me, but this is the best advice I can give you. You'll soon realize that all the magic you thought you felt between you and her wasn't real.
     
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  17. rob13_

    rob13_ Fapstronaut

    So out of 50 how many were yes?
     
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  18. Branchman

    Branchman Fapstronaut

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    Where do you live? Because I also like to approach the woman I like (not as much as you do) wherever I see them. But I am not beeing allowed becuase of "social distance" or "healthy distance" because of covid-19.

    During this quarantine I began usiang a dating apps (it has been just a week) and I've noticed that the girls I talk to (to be specific the girls wich they liked me) block me or erase the conversation or erase the account the day after. So it makes me a little bit upset. Maybe presential dating (face to face, when you first see and know each other) is better than online dating.
     
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  19. Comfortablydumb96

    Comfortablydumb96 Fapstronaut

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    This should be a PSA! I think many guys do this. I used to do it for a while with this girl I still like. Eventually the conversations became one sided. I felt like there was nothing more to talk about as it was usually me asking her and telling her about stuff. I'm not saying the girl was in the wrong. So I stopped talking to her for weeks and voila, she starts messaging me. We went out on a date eventually and had a lot of fun.

    We're not dating now because I moved far, but we still talk once in a while for a lil time and it's good. But I never forget that it's just chatting so I don't overdo it.

    OP, focus on not conveying too much about yourself through phone or even generally chatting a lot regardless of the topic. Set a time and place and meet her there then do all the talking.
     
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  20. I live in France.The situation is complicated but nothing prevents us from approaching girls except the beliefs we put in our heads.
     

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