Rejection hurts

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Deleted Account, Jun 26, 2019.

  1. Hello fellow Fapstronauts

    It's my first time to post here and I really don't know where to turn.

    Well, I got rejected by a girl at work and I'd really appreciate some comments and/or support from the best community ever

    Long story short, I just landed a new job, pretty decent, a week ago and it's my first one. During my first day there, I really aced it. All eyes were on me ( that shit is real). I even got approached by a gay dude and I politely decline.
    There was this girl that was constantly looking at me, I am sure she had a clear interest. Being the pussy I am, I didn't jump on the occasion and I waited 4 working days later to talk to her. It went horribly wrong, my naturally deep voice sounded like a little girl, just to say how nervous I was ( I was even sweating af) I was very surprised by myself, I just realized that my game is rusty. I barely managed to get her number and I re tried my chance. It seems like her interest completely vanished. She barely answered my texts. At some point, I simply said bye cause it seemed completely lost.

    All in all, this is what happened and I would love to have some feedbacks, if I should carry on or not. It really hurt my feelings because the chick is goooorgeous and seeing her turned off really makes me wonder if something is wrong with me.

    This is longer thread than I expected tho
  2. JedWiley

    JedWiley Fapstronaut

    You got her number and your game was rusty, you did well. So it wasn't perfect, hey what do they say, even Jordan lost a few games man. She lost interest - she could already be texting someone else, she could have a Boyf, she might be having a rough time - all things that are not your fault. Some girls play games, me I would move on, say hi, be polite, but don't worry about it.
    Reborn16, Deleted Account and ledener like this.
  3. MonkMode [1Cor7:31]

    MonkMode [1Cor7:31] Fapstronaut

    Bro, not to be a jerk...but just want to point out a few things:

    So you mentioned that this girl is a coworker.
    You also mentioned this is your first job, and a new job ("a week ago") at that.

    Keep in mind, first impressions last.

    So from a manager's perspective (your boss), she/he sees you come in, do well performance-wise, but then immediately ask one of the employees for her number to start a romantic relationship with her.

    From a risk-management perspective, this behavior is a red-flag. Management does not want relationships in the workplace, because typically they can get ugly, and create sexual harassment paperwork (even if you, JedWiley, do nothing wrong, the boss is looking at trends/statistics).

    My brother worked at a public pool where many of the summer recruits were young adults, and he had to fire a guy because he hit on the female workers and "made them feel uncomfortable".

    Any woman who is a co-worker has the power to say you "make her uncomfortable" to management and boom your ass is fired, especially if you are new there (its called "hostile work environment" and everything is judged by how it made her feel, not your intent). All I am saying is tread lightly....and maybe get to know everyone at work before making any definitive moves.

    I don't think you did anything wrong, and I think your game would be very well suited to the club/bar/festival, just be extra careful at the workplace. Especially if its a new workplace and you don't know all the social dynamics.
  4. All right mate
    I'll do as you said, I really appreciate your feedback
  5. Thanks buddy, you pointed out to stuff I didn't even imagine.
    Well, I know as a fact that I should never hit on coworkers or female team mates. It may mess a lot of stuff up.
    Our workplace is full of young adults and we're almost all college students. So it's kinda relaxed. And I really thought about that before talking to her, she is in another team and our works are independent from one another. That's partly what motivated it me.
    Anyway, you gave some veeery valuable feedback.
    And I should have definitely waited to get to know the social dynamics here before making my move
  6. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

    Yeah the workplace use to be THE PLACE to meet your partner, now in the West it is increasingly becoming the place to act like an asexual.

    My advice. Take advantage of being around attractive women at your work to just chat with them and get comfortable.

    Then in other areas, places where you don't need to show up every day, make some moves on your own terms!

    And yes they can be interested in you one day, but not so much the next. This becomes less of an occurrence the more you invest in yourself though. Which is what NoFap is all about. Not to worry.
    Plenty of girls out there man.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  7. nothing is wrong with you. there is a rule given by my common sense that I applied over the years and this has been always the wisest decision. i never dated and got involved in more than a friendship with flatmates or colleagues. i don't date people i would see often in a specific place coz chances are that guy wouldn't last forever and i would still have to see him and then work or being at the house would be a nightmare. as a fantasy it looks cool but believe me it is not

    i had recently a crush (makes me feel a 15 year old girl lol, i am 27 though) for a male colleague and we would flirt and smile in a very obvious way. i technically cannot stop myself from smiling to him, i try to stop myself from interacting with him coz it made me s. frustrated coz i imagined what if we kissed etc. things got pretty heated just with the way we look at each other and i know i shouldn't let that happen so next time i will see him at work i will be friendly like with the other colleagues but i will talk with him the minimum and leave the staff room or focus on my tasks

    do you care about your job more than this girl? i know i care a lot about my current job and nothing or nobody will get in the way. also in your employment contract sometimes they forbid having romantic/ s. relationships with colleagues because of the mess it can create and the tension in the workplace

    i feel too I kinda "lost" it. when i was still a s. and p. addict my flirting skills were at the top while now i feel almost powerless. before, my addictions gave me strenghts to know what to say in pick up a guy I was interested in and being super smooth. but i wouldn't trade my sobriety for this "power". it is still an adjustment i am going through but in August i will celebrate a year pmo free and i am so proud of it :)

    btw at work or anywhere else if you don't say hello or bye they think you are rude and people hate you even if you don't do it once. i don't get it, it is not a big deal btw i would say forget about the girl and don't destroy your job and given she is not very interested in your texts i would say to stop focusing on her. i know rejection hurts but i am sure there are other girls you can connect with that will not mess up your life at work and also colleagues and manager talk behind each other backs. you don't really want your colleagues judging or gossiping about your love/s. life. my advice is to keep your love life separated from your work life
    Deleted Account likes this.
  8. jipsikid

    jipsikid Fapstronaut

    It’s not that bad. Remember that you are not the only one that has ever gotten rejected, your friends and relatives all have been through that at some point in their lives and it makes less painful to know that. Hope you are doing alright and don’t let it bring you down.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  9. First off, thank you
    It's really helpful to get a female's opinion
    I have very little work experience and I'll follow your advice.
  10. Hello guys
    There are some updates lol

    I did exactly what you guys told me. I tried to forget about her and focus on my work. I work in a call center, so I decided to move to a workstation where we can't see each other. Things were going pretty well, we just greeted each other when we met in the hallway. I thought it was over

    I was veeery wrong lol.
    She also moved to another workstation where she can see me and she often comes near mine. Whenever she comes, she greets me and even touches me on my neck, back etc. lol
    She also came to ask for a charger twice on two different days just to talk to me ( I know that cause that's the same dumb icebreaker I used lol)

    Yesterday, she texted me back just saying ' you're shy'. In think she said that because of how clumsy I was when I approached her and the fact I tried to avoid her after she didn't reply to my texts. I replied and she hasn't replied yet. We saw each other today and she acted as flirty as usual

    You guys told me not to hit on her if I cared about my new job. I do care about my job and my salary lol but not that much, I just went there to stay busy during my days cause slacking off always lead to a relapse for me. Plus, I'll quit in one month and half cause I'll move to another country, I may never see these people again.
    For me, even though dating this girl may have some consequences, there aren't that big, at least for me.
    Since I started working just for NoFap, I guess dating this girl will help during my reboot
  11. Dag

    Dag Fapstronaut

    No biggie.
    Go for the next girl.

    You did your best. AND THAT is celebration, your DID something.

    You can always try one more time with this girl, no pressure
    Deleted Account likes this.

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