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Relapse after 100 days, but feeling better than ever.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Candun, Jul 6, 2020.

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  1. Jul 6, 2020 #1
    Candun

    Candun Fapstronaut

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    I relapsed on the night of July 4th and could quickly feel myself losing control and escalating. I have a policy of always changing at least 1 thing after relapse, so instead of trying to just "tough it out" which in the past always led to long binge periods, I spent 5+ hours setting up impenetrable blockers on my phone, with a password that I just finished burying in the woods. The blockers not only stop P, but also stop me from accessing Netflix, spotify, or any mobile games for a two week period while I go on a dopamine detox. After that they will be automatically limited along with general internet access.

    I also chose to tell a friend about my past trauma as well as my P addiction. This is something I never thought I'd do but hey, desperate times.

    Im beginning work in a couple of days and although it does kind of suck to see my counter back at 0, the changes I've made have brought me a sense of relief and optimism that I never had before, even during my streak.
     
    Candun, Jul 6, 2020
    Candun, Jul 6, 2020
    #1
  2. Jul 6, 2020 #2
    Brahmacharya_UK

    Brahmacharya_UK Fapstronaut

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    Hi @Candun,

    Welcome to the site and forums, and for sharing your story, failures and successes. The iterative approach you take to improving over time is one that I can relate to. Your confession to your friend may be very hard to do but it is very necessary - by sharing and being honest you give more chances to build openness and accountability in your life.

    You have drawn attention to that which we are ultimately fighting i.e. dopamine - and many examples of how we seek this pleasure. I notice that I sometimes compulsively check my emails, or messages for the same purposes.

    Your example of burying the key in the woods is parallel to a conversation I have with myself about a hard-drive with addictive material on it. I keep the hard-drive at work, but the physical lead that is needed to plug the hard-drive into the computer is kept at home. As long as ne'er the twain shall meet, all will be well.

    That horrible feeling of having to reset the counter is one that we can all relate to, but one from where growth comes - once we get tired of resetting our counter and the distress that can bring, we face up to our problem and do something about it.

    Thank you again for your share,

    Peace,
    ☸ Brahmacharya ☸
     
    Brahmacharya_UK, Jul 6, 2020
    Brahmacharya_UK, Jul 6, 2020
    #2
    Candun likes this.

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