relapse after 119 days hardmode

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by monkotto, Feb 27, 2015.

  1. monkotto

    monkotto Fapstronaut

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    hi fapstronauts,

    my nofap-results till now:

    first try 105 days hardmode
    second try 119 days hardmode

    now i started the third journey: 90 days hardmode.

    i am not really distracted. relapsing is a part of this process.

    dont binge when you relapse. stand up and start again!

    my second relapse was insane. i just looked at some nude pics (no porn pics) and i had an orgasm without touching littleotto. right - orgasm only with brainpower. never thought that something like this is possible. DAMN i was a guy who was watching the hardest stuff for several hours every day!

    so i started the third journey. with every journey i get more aware of this shitty addiction. i can see clearly the harm it did to me during all the years (ten years). i can see how it transformed me into a slave of lust and perversion. how i lost control over my emotions. how the strong obsession killed my soul. how my behaviour against women degenerated. i was living like an animal - following my extrem sex drive. that was the only target in my life!

    to all fapstronauts in this universe - if you want to live again:

    STOP PORN AND MASTURBATION!


    the fight goes on.

    kind regards.

    monkotto
     
  2. M123

    M123 Fapstronaut

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    ok you no sad 119 day is great job ok man get good hobby
     
  3. crushurcravings

    crushurcravings Fapstronaut

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    Hi monkotto,

    Back to chuckmode! :D

    2 x 100+ days of hardmode is insane. Congratulations!
     
  4. PursuitForVirtue

    PursuitForVirtue New Fapstronaut

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    Hey I really needed to read that man, thanks! I just relapsed after 72 days. My first and longest streak; and I just joined back in December of 2014. After relapsing for the first time after my longest streak, I couldn't help be feel terrible. But its so relieving to know that relapsing is apart of the process. Of course we don't aim to relapse, but for me at least, it is so crucial to understand that when we do, its no different from an athlete who trains, fails, only to train much harder right after. Thanks again man! Any other observations and tips you might have for us after relapsing from a long streak without PMO?
     
  5. tom1199

    tom1199 Fapstronaut

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    Great journey monkotto! I'm only on my first round.
     
  6. monkotto

    monkotto Fapstronaut

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    @chrushur

    right back to chuckmode! :)

    @pursuitfor

    "...its no different from an athlete who trains, fails, only to train much harder right after."

    exactly! nice comparison.

    think like this - how many times you would have masturbated in 72 days normally? while nofap you did not. the problem is when you dont get back to the challenge. when you binge for several days. you relapsed? ok be strong start your new journey right on the next day! without any excuse.

    in my case: 105 days + 119 days = 224 days with only 4 orgasms - 3 after the first relapse (with porn) and one after the second relapse (only sexy pics - no porn).

    so in my past life i would have had about 400 orgasms and 300 hours porn in 224 days. i think you now what i mean.

    i dont count wet dreams. wet dreams are also a part of nofap.

    whatever happens dont binge after the relapse.


    edit:
    i forgot the hookers - i think visiting about 30 hookers in 224 days (in my past life).
     
  7. taurean-rebirth

    taurean-rebirth Fapstronaut

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    hi monkotto,

    going by your story, I would assume you have rebooted from the addiction completely! must be feeling great.. i have tried so much and failed lots of times.. i guess we got to stay really strong when our urges turn up.. i've been into it for about 12-14 years i think.. hope i get out this time.. you story is definitely inspiring and motivational .. i feel more stronger to pursue my own goal! thanks.

    cheers!
     
  8. M123

    M123 Fapstronaut

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    Yes grain good work get good friend focus on you helthy
     
  9. monkotto

    monkotto Fapstronaut

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    thanks guys.

    @taurean

    we have the choice...

    watching porn and fapping? yes or no?

    visting hookers? yes or no?

    no one is holding a gun to our face and forcing us to say yes.

    this is all about commanding the own sexual drive! we lost the control - and we want to control it again.

    right this is hard - a hard fight and hard work. :cool:
     
  10. Iwillnotfap

    Iwillnotfap New Fapstronaut

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    Hey Guys, I'm really new at this. I've been trying to get off porn for the last year, and I've had mild success. There are times when I'll go a week without it at most, but then I fall back into it, or I'll do really well and then this destructive feeling inside of me tells me to watch and I binge watch almost the whole day. Really don't know how to overcome this, I've got alot of blocks on my computer but I always find a way past them. Hoping for some advice
     
  11. monkotto

    monkotto Fapstronaut

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    blocks on the computer. this makes me always smile. in my opinion that is idiocy. you need that block in your head and not in your computer - block on the computer is self-deception.

    for me the most important thing is the goal - setting a goal and counting the damn days. :)

    my first goal was 28 days. every time you reach a goal you can extend it.

    set yourself a goal and try to reach it at all prices. the urges will be incredible hard - go into a forest and cry. scream into your pillow. curse the whole f***ing day. but be careful that no one can hear you.

    good luck.
     
  12. Anturak

    Anturak Fapstronaut

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    Hey Iwillnotfap, try starting a journal. It helps to get your thoughts organized. Also, read. Read all you about this addiction or habit or whatever you wanna call it because there's much more than meets the eye. What I did was install k9 and asked a friend to provide the password and email address. Right now, I have no access to porn sites, youtube, twitch (game streaming site), facebook, and even google and google images. Drastic times call for drastic measures. It's working for me so far.
     
  13. Nizari

    Nizari Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing this. My first round goal is 111 days. Failing and binging does scare me. Though I can relate to how PMO made me a slave to lust and perversion. 16 days in.
     
  14. IBHussaini

    IBHussaini Fapstronaut

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    This is sad, Relapse suck
     

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