I'm feeling extreme anger right now and while my mind is trying to cope with it I know there is no escaping it, I just finished my second relapse in 48 hours after 191 days fully clean. Questions all over my mind : Did I lost all my progress ? Did I do everything that I did for nothing ? How could I let this happen ? So on and so forth. I guess this is just another lesson of humility, I'm a porn addict and it's a label I'll always carry around, like any addict, my relationship with these demons will never get better, it's all in or all out. I'm not sure why I'm writing all this, maybe because I feel disappointed and furious. I noticed the urges earlier today, acknowledged them but still gave in, knowingly. Having said all of that, don't give up on life guys, this addiction is real, it's strong and insidious, yet within the recovery process you realize that you're living yet you've never had the opportunity to fully experience life and feel, deeply how miraculous it is. This just means you have to push through, there is nothing more, nothing greater you'll ever find in your lifetime, this is the ultimate battle with yourself and your environnement, don't give up no matter the struggles, learn from your mistakes and acknowledge you can't settle for the life of an addict. I believe in all of you, not everyone will succeed, I still haven't but we all deserve something greater, we all deserve the peace of life we've been born for. I'd rather die than give in one more time, this is my promise to you guys, to my family, to myself and to god, no matter what it takes, nothing in this world matters more.