Relapse after 191 days the aftermath

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by JaMorant01, May 27, 2021.

  1. JaMorant01

    JaMorant01 Fapstronaut

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    I'm feeling extreme anger right now and while my mind is trying to cope with it I know there is no escaping it, I just finished my second relapse in 48 hours after 191 days fully clean. Questions all over my mind : Did I lost all my progress ? Did I do everything that I did for nothing ? How could I let this happen ? So on and so forth.

    I guess this is just another lesson of humility, I'm a porn addict and it's a label I'll always carry around, like any addict, my relationship with these demons will never get better, it's all in or all out. I'm not sure why I'm writing all this, maybe because I feel disappointed and furious. I noticed the urges earlier today, acknowledged them but still gave in, knowingly.

    Having said all of that, don't give up on life guys, this addiction is real, it's strong and insidious, yet within the recovery process you realize that you're living yet you've never had the opportunity to fully experience life and feel, deeply how miraculous it is. This just means you have to push through, there is nothing more, nothing greater you'll ever find in your lifetime, this is the ultimate battle with yourself and your environnement, don't give up no matter the struggles, learn from your mistakes and acknowledge you can't settle for the life of an addict. I believe in all of you, not everyone will succeed, I still haven't but we all deserve something greater, we all deserve the peace of life we've been born for.

    I'd rather die than give in one more time, this is my promise to you guys, to my family, to myself and to god, no matter what it takes, nothing in this world matters more.
     
  2. I too am feeling a little here and there these days.
    This is an alert for me. Thanks for writing brother.
     
    NamaClature14 and JaMorant01 like this.
  3. No you didn't lose all your progress. Look at your last streak as a practice run. You learned a lot about your addiction, the tricks the mind plays, the mental and physical pitfalls, and how to overcome them. Remember what you've learned and set your intention to put away PMO once again. This time your goal should be to beat your last practice run of 191 days. You can do this, and when you do there's a good chance that you'll go all the way.
     
    JaMorant01 likes this.
  4. JaMorant01

    JaMorant01 Fapstronaut

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    This message means everything brother, thanks for the insight, it feels good in a moment of pain and disappointement. I have faith this happened for a reason and it's meant to be another stepping stone to a new, improved chapter of my life. Those next few days will be hard, I don't know how my body and mind will respond to that stimulation, I'm sure urges will be strong but my faith is stronger.
    Thanks again, I'll post everyday for the next 14 days just to make sure I get back on my two feet, standing strong and ready.
     
  5. JaMorant01

    JaMorant01 Fapstronaut

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    Man don't give in, trust me, trust your gut feeling, your instinct, your values. Remember everything this addiction took away from you and how much better everything is now, what's even better is that in the bigger picture you're only starting to feel life the way it was always meant for you to feel it. I felt disgusting, untrustworthy giving in to that addiction and spitting on all the work that went into freeing myself from it, don't do the same.

    Stay humble and keep moving my brother, it's so easy to find another cruising speed, all be it better, where you forget why you're there in the first place, we gotta strive to expand who we are and our positive impact on this world everyday, we'll never be too good for it.
     
  6. JaMorant01

    JaMorant01 Fapstronaut

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    Day 1: no urges today, feeling alright, definitely off but I'm ready to move forward and be better
     
    OheyApple likes this.
  7. Listen man you are viewing this all wrong, progress is not as simple as one slip up and its all over, do you honestly think one day of pmo will erase 191 days of no pmo? 191 days your brain was healing? OF COURSE NOT!!!!!!!! stop viewing yourself as a porn addict because you are not, we have this stupid mentality of once an addict always an addict, that crap is not true, you are free so start acting like it.
     
    JaMorant01 and OheyApple like this.
  8. Stan_9

    Stan_9 Fapstronaut

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    I relapsed too after 28 days. This is the highest streak in like 2 years. Porn is the one thing that's always holding me back. Can't think straight can't remember anything but i got drunk last night like shit faced so hangover git me hard i couldn't even say no to the urges
    My excuse was i didn't have the strength to say no but i know i fked up
     
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  9. Stan_9

    Stan_9 Fapstronaut

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    And 191 days is like a dream for me i couldn't even imagine being that free for that long. You did a good job. Good luck
     
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  10. Gladiador300

    Gladiador300 Fapstronaut

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    Me gustaría saber cuántos años llevas con la adicción al PMO porque es un buen progreso el que tienes y si a eso le sumas un estilo de vida saludable arrancarías con mas confianza
     
    JaMorant01 likes this.
  11. JaMorant01

    JaMorant01 Fapstronaut

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    Day 2, thanks for everyone commenting with interesting insight, I'm feeling fairly good, calm and focused, still moving foward, no urges yet but my relapse didn't seem to kick me back into a flatline which is a good thing
     
  12. InnerMan

    InnerMan Fapstronaut

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    You're only 22. It's really fantastic that you're accomplishing such long streaks at your age. I'm in my mid 30s and wasted most of my 20s with this PMO crap, and now I live with that regret and refuse to waste more of my life to it. Keep it up, stay focused!
     
    JaMorant01 likes this.
  13. MeTP

    MeTP Fapstronaut

    What was the strict reason of relapse ?
     
    JaMorant01 likes this.
  14. JaMorant01

    JaMorant01 Fapstronaut

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    It's hard to pinpoint, I would say i became complacent, I forgot for a minute what I stood for and why I did and once I opened pandora's box it was too late
     
  15. JaMorant01

    JaMorant01 Fapstronaut

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    Day 3: Urges are there, staying present, trying to be aware and focusing on life and it's beauty
     
  16. JaMorant01

    JaMorant01 Fapstronaut

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    Thank for for your kind message brother, it really means alot. The thing that stung me in that moment was that I broke the promise I made to myself that I'd never go back to it. This addiction is scary, I believe you'll get out of it my man, we all have to find our greatest purpose and give it our all
     
  17. JaMorant01

    JaMorant01 Fapstronaut

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    You are right, I actually just read something today that follows what you just told me, we have to change our own identity, the way we consider ourselves and by stating this stupid stuff that I did like 'always an addict' I'm just fueling this identity that I can change and that I'm going to change. It's about learning, every step of the way, each time we fall, we learn
     
    Takeyourfreedom likes this.
  18. AJ777

    AJ777 Fapstronaut
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    Thank you for this. I am currently almost 200+ days sober from porn (not masturbation) and have been struggling with urges lately.
     

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