Relapse after 5 years

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Clubber_99, Feb 14, 2021.

  1. Clubber_99

    Clubber_99 Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone, am new to the forum. I am a porn addict who has been sober for 5 years thanks to a church accountability and support course. I am also a teacher in the UK who has found the last few weeks really difficult (Schools are closed). I have thought about acting out for a while but yesterday I did so. I feel ashamed and got hardly any sleep. It is 8am here and I am lying next to my wife (I got sober before we married) and I feel so alone as I can't tell her due to the shame of it all.
     
  2. Aswin palathingal

    Aswin palathingal Fapstronaut

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    The problem with pmo is that u supply dopamine and other powerful hormones to your brain for free..These hormones needs to be obtained after something that's worth doing..This is not worth it..So put on your guard..Never do it again..Stay motivated.. Exercise..Meditate..Keep yourself busy somehow...Do something fun and enjoyable..Don't fall into temptations..Don't give space for temptations..
     
    Roady likes this.
  3. Aswin palathingal

    Aswin palathingal Fapstronaut

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    I'm not married nor do I have gf.. but if I wanted someone to know about this that would be my wife..
     
    Hard Mode likes this.
  4. Reverent

    Reverent Fapstronaut

    Don't fall victim to the shame cycle.
    Shame loves isolation, this crap thrives on secrecy.

    Ok you messed up, you are human, what are you going to do now is the question. What have you learned from the relasp?

    If you need someone to hear you more, or to get it off your chest with, pm me.

    Best of luck, hang in there.
     
    curling_cobra, Clubber_99 and Roady like this.
  5. MexFighter

    MexFighter Fapstronaut

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    Welcome, thanks for sharing your story..
    So.. Your wife doesnt know about your addiction? Like, the past struggle and the current relapse? Well.. My best advice is confession. You need to talk with her about it... Like DON'T KEEP ANYTHING, say it out everything and all the truth about your addiction.. Be honest, sincere, cry out... This gonna save your life and marriage! Idk your story but if she married you without knowing about your addiction then she deserves to know the truth now and
    then, after talk to her look for profesional help...
    I know I know I make it sound easy.. dude, it took me 15 years to confess to my parents and siblings.. I KNOW ISN'T EASY but you know.. truth will set you free..
    So please, confess.. and check this post: https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?t...te-my-dopamine-receptors.166287/#post-1410049 IT HELPED ME A LOT.
    One day at a time.
    Suerte.
     
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2021
  6. Clubber_99

    Clubber_99 Fapstronaut

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    Hi, thanks for the support.
    My wife knows all about my past struggle. I confessed to her before we got married and she helped me find a support group and though she found it hard, she supported me all the way through. I was 3 months sober when we got married.
    My relapse was the only time I watched porn and masturbated in all our married time.
    I have been talking to 3 friends who have all struggled with addiction too. Really helping at the moment.
    I don't want to tell her yet, I am hoping to take it a day at a time. If the urge gets really bad again I will confess before I do.
     
    Buddhabro2.0 likes this.
  7. MexFighter

    MexFighter Fapstronaut

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    I see..
    Well.. I really hope you beat the Chaser effect and I think you already know this but I would like to remind you: this addiction grows and is kept hidden, kept secret.... The more you hide it, the more you are tied so I would recommend to tell her about this relapse and also remember AA have week meetings so why would be us not doing the same?
    Good luck, God bless you.
     
    Azzure and Clubber_99 like this.
  8. MexFighter

    MexFighter Fapstronaut

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    Hi there.. 155 days sober for me.. How are you doing?! Any update?
     
    Azzure likes this.
  9. curling_cobra

    curling_cobra Fapstronaut

    clubber_99 - the fact that you were able to stay clean for 5 years in itself is an amazing feat. You have been there done that and you can do it again. So stay strong!
    Your pmo badge says 200 which means you are already doing amazingly well! Woohoo!

    My personal best has been 30 p and 7pmo. So just looking at your steak itself is a true inspiration. Also a stark reminder that anyone can relapse. COVID has been hard on us in various ways, and we have all been challenged mentally, physically and emotionally to an unimaginable extent. So you are doing super good.... :emoji_thumbsup::emoji_thumbsup::emoji_thumbsup:
     
    Azzure likes this.
  10. Congratulations @Clubber_99, you did well to stay clean for so long. Like you, I was viewing pornography and masturbating before I got married.

    I totally agree with @MexFighter. I’ve learned from sad experience that hiding my porn addiction / relapses from my wife haven’t benefited me in any way, shape or form. But when I have confessed to her I have been offered more love and support.

    So, how’s things now for you?
     
    MexFighter likes this.
  11. GeeJ

    GeeJ Fapstronaut

    UK here too. Keep up the good work.
     
  12. Addictus

    Addictus Fapstronaut

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    Wow five yes! That’s quite a achievement! Congratulations on the long run. If it happens again then I would involve my wife but not for one time. It would just ruin her day.
    I bet you can go another 5 yrs.
     
    GeeJ likes this.

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