Relapse [dating websites vs porn]

Dating websites are a trigger for me. I was on a 2 week streak. I sat down for awhile and worked some dating websites because I wanted to get something going. I didnt have the patience to wait it out and be persistent every day and work the thing and not PMO until I would get a date, so I looked at porn. The uncertainty of getting a date, combined with the instant gratification that PMO gives, plus all of the stacked up bad habits of past PMOing convinced me to simply go for it.

Elon Musk once gave a quote that that starting a business is like "eating glass and staring out into the abyss." I understand why. Starting something new is full of uncertainty and the possibility of failure. While dealing with uncertainty, you are working and working and going through pain.

I'm trying to start an awesome social life. This will require effort, pain, persistence, and facing the uncertainty of not completely controlling when I can release myself at the greatest amount of pleasure possible by PMO [available at the moment].

Porn is a guaranteed instant gratification that is always available, compared to dating where you have to improve, and go out and put fourth effort, face the possibility of rejection, and get results.

We have to be smart enough to see past the instant gratification and see the whole picture. To be able to power through it for the sake of giving us a chance for what will really make us happy.

Fuck me. I wish porn didn't exist but it does. It is highhandedly the biggest fucking adversary in my life. Doing it has probably ruined everything. Doing it has fucked me up and removed opportunities. It disabled me from helping my friends get with women and having happy fulfilling relationships with women and giving women great experiences. It fucked up my social life for so many years. I hate porn. Fuck porn. Fuck me for fucking using porn. I would have been a much better person without it. What the fuck am i doing?

It is one of the worst things that society has to offer us in modern times. Imagine what our lives would be like without porn, like it was 80 years ago. If porn wasn't available, I probably would have gotten my shit together by now as far as my social life is concerned, simply out of necessity. Or maybe I would have turned to escorts.. Who knows. Is my personality simply hardwired to look for the quickest form of release? Would religion have been the answer? I am not religious and my family didnt bring me up to be. I know that has kept some of the people I know off of porn when growing up.

I fucked up and it is my fault. I must face the uncertainty like a man, and not give in again. Must build up my life despite the uncertainty. Other people dont use porn today and have great lives, I can too.