Relapse is a defeat accept it. 340 days no PMO

Don't really like this mindset. I don't believe it's true that you're always "back to zero". And it encourages binging.

 

Fair enough, but if you truly aren't learning anything or improving after a relapse, wouldn't that mean you're doomed to repeat the same mistake?

 

I Have come to realize that the reason I have not moved ahead in the past was due to two things: reacting emotionally to a relapse by throwing up my hands and saying it’s all been a waste, and secondly, not having a solid daily anti-PMO routine. The proper way to deal with a relapse or reset is to look at it in terms of data: there is always a reason behind all relapses and when you nail down why it occurred and what factors led up to it, you can anticipate a future relapse and prevent it. Winners anticipate, losers react. So every relapse is actually a learning experience.

To go hand in hand with this is the daily anti-PMO routine, which factors in methods and timing designed to prevent another relapse. These methods are carefully designed by learning from relapses so the routine can be fine tuned to your exact needs. At a minimum though, the routine should include some healthy coping mechanisms to deal with daily stress, meditation being key.

 

I read your older thread on retention, didn’t realize you were a meditation and Karezza guru... guess I’m preaching to the choir haha

 

@modern milarepa I see myself in you. I am a very similar outlook to yours, in terms of relapsing and then learning something. A relapse need not occur in order for an understanding to come about.

I am not so certain the problem is just physical/energy. Now that I think about it, for me at least, is that it stems from the mental side but the way out is with addressing the physical/energy aspect of it. I look at the "movement of energy" within me everyday and I use what I feel as a guide to what actions I need to take. I also employ yoga everyday.

Knowing the mental causes should help in understanding why the addict has got to that point. But it can become a vice. Is this perhaps what you think (or believe)?

 

Personally, I'm not a believer in SR and hold the viewpoint of PMO being a mental/learning thing. I can see how what you're saying makes more sense from that perspective though

 

You are not starting from zero again, if I drive from point A to point B, and I get a flat tire, I don't revert back to point A.

 

I agree, amazing comparison. We get hiccups but we don't stop.

 

its absolutely going back to square one. People that say a relapse is just a small set back are royally mistaken. case in point @LifeWorthLiving!!! had like a 400 day streak a few years ago. he relapsed once, and it took him 3.5 years to get back to 100 days again. One relapse, and its over, you ruined everything

 

this is the winning mindset. OP has it, i have it, eagle rising has it. OP is at 340 days, eagle rising was at 200 days, while mostly everyone else is under 30 days. so clearly its working. I also subscribe to this all or nothing mindset. You know what encourages binging? Allowing yourself to relapse, and trying to console yourself with "at least i didn't lose all my progress". That moment you relapse, you throw yourself right back into the sinkhole, the blackhole and good luck getting yourself out anytime soon. Its likely you will take at least a few months to recover and be able to string a decent streak again

 

this is a bad analogy for a pmo relapse! With a pmo relapse, you take 2 steps backward, and you rekindle the addiction. You get sucked back into the vortex. No different from an alcoholic. Thats why there is that saying that an alcoholic should not touch even one drop of alcohol even after 7 years clean

And if you really want to use the car analogy, think about this. When you get a flat tire, you stop, you stay stuck for awhile. If you are driving on the highway, think about where you are compared to where you could have been had you not relapsed. If you hadn't relapsed, you would be miles ahead, so the progress differential will be great. Sure, one setback is not the end of the world, but the mentality behind this thinking is the problem because it encourages the "oh its fine to relapse because i still made good progress", and this repeats itself. Nah, if you are relapsing more than once a month, that's better than your old twice a day self, but still not acceptable. The only thing acceptable in my eyes is completely overcoming it, and not looking back

 

this is brilliant and a golden analogy!!! Oh, if people only treated a relapse like dying in a car accident, no one would ever relapse lol