Relapse Plans?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by eternal fanatic, Aug 6, 2021.

  1. eternal fanatic

    eternal fanatic Fapstronaut

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    I've been addicted to porn for around 25 years. I have gone up to 6 months without before, but my problem is relapsing kills my determination. It makes me fall apart and I end up giving up or binging EVERY SINGLE TIME. I'm currently 5 days free of PMO (focussing only on PM though).

    My question is about "relapse plans" in the sense of how to deal with them. In the past I've just told myself "never again", and I'm better and stronger than porn. I'll never look at it again because isn't that just being confident? Confidence is good right? But I'm humbled by accepting that it may also be good to be realistic about possible relapses. Are you crippling yourself by having a relapse plan? In other words, does that give you permission to relapse? What are your attitudes towards this? And if you have a relapse plan, what is it? Thanks!
     
    Abel100% likes this.
  2. like2throw

    like2throw Fapstronaut

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    I used to beat myself about it, but that only makes things worse. Instead, I still see myself as someone who is progressing as relapsing after 6 days is still better than relapsing after 1 day. Next time, those 6 days could extend to 10 days and so on. And before you know it, you've done 30 days
     
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  3. Confidence probably = ego. That's probably also what a lot of people get out of challenges, the point is not an image whether it's how you see yourself or how other people see you but just doing the work.

    If you can do one thing, tell someone you relapsed. And not someone that won't care a lot but they just have to recognize how serious it can be. You are responsible for your own plan, which may change depending on what happened but they can remind you of it.
     
    eternal fanatic likes this.
  4. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

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    All reboots by definition have pm at the end. What I do is choose to give myself permission to do certain things tomorrow. Today I choose not to do those things. This doesn't work based on my self will I'm just describing the definition of sobriety for me as one pm+ addict on this site. I don't have a relapse plan other than how not to relapse and be happy with today's subriety. Cause that's why I would have days that I didn't use pm+ then suddenly change my mind and use pm+ was that I wa$nt happy with not pming. To me being happy meant some amount of pm and I thought the trick was finding the right frequency. But on this day the sixth of August I'm happy not pming. And then comes implementation. I often feel drawn to pm+ so that would suck if all that was available was "don't do that, distract yourself.". Thank goodness there a way to be kept in a position that I don't have to be drawn in.
     
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  5. eternal fanatic

    eternal fanatic Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, that makes sense. That's the attitude Im trying to have this time. Streaks are great, and I'm always going to push for them, but I think it's also a success to have only looked at porn maybe 5 times out of 50 days instead of the usual 40 out of 50 days (or whatever). I'm hoping that thinking about it this way will help with relapses (that I'm going to try to avoid all together of course).
     
  6. eternal fanatic

    eternal fanatic Fapstronaut

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    I agree, I think having this community will help to have some people to talk to.
     
  7. eternal fanatic

    eternal fanatic Fapstronaut

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    Definitely! It's important to stay in the present moment and let tomorrow be what it will be. For now, this is how it is-- Im living free. I like that. Thank you
     
  8. like2throw

    like2throw Fapstronaut

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    But it's important to note, that these shouldn't be planned relapses. Otherwise, like an alcoholic with a drink, you'd go back to square one. You need to intend to never fap, so it's still cold turkey

    Mentioning this because I just fumbled myself on thinking planned relapse would work!
     
    eternal fanatic likes this.
  9. eternal fanatic

    eternal fanatic Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I agree. I took Randy's comment to mean that your focus should be now and not what tomorrow is going to be like. I didn't interpret it as a planned relapse, but maybe I misinterpreted it. I have also tried the "planned" relapse where I've cleared certain days for porn, but that doesn't work for me.

    I think I need to remember that it's harder to relapse and immediately go back to abstaining from porn than it is to not relapse. I suppose if I relapse, I'll deal with it then and get support here.
     
  10. nrsl

    nrsl Fapstronaut

    You do not have to think about relapse and having relapse plan must not be your task. If you will be overthinking about relapse, that it will happen inevitably, because it means that you were orientating on the fail (relapse), not on the win (no relapse for the day) — which is contrary to what is called be confident.

    Instead of that you must prevent the things, which could lead you to relapse: peeking, fantasizing, rationalizing, intentions to do relapse. They are mostly internal things, so you are able to control them. When a thought, like "what if I will relapse...", pops in your head, you have to block it immediately, by saying "no" to it and move your attention to another, more important things. You always have choice to not give into temptations.
     
    eternal fanatic likes this.

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