relapse=waste of life

dude same here, that how i basically got here, because i could quit for a time but after months i would get addicted again. don't beat yourself up although you really want to just keep moving forward. you made a mistake and it's over there is nothing you can do about it, but to move forward. you can do this!

 

Agreed- don't beat yourself up over past (or yet another...) mistake. What you're experiencing is common- especially if you approach this challenge as "let's see how long I can go without..." Whether it's PMO or MO, the 30, 60, 90 day reboot steadily gets you beyond this. YBOP (Your Brain on Porn) helps explain the effects and why this 'beast' continues to creep back. (Dopamine effect etc is powerful). You're going to regularly experience urges. It's critical to identify and know triggers to avoid them. The further you get away from porn, it WILL get easier. But, the PMO and MO do go togther and are 'linked' like friends on Facebook.. The more you're able to re-boot your system by elminiating BOTH, the pathways will die out due to 'lack of "LIKE'S". I made a similar post about focusing on the other POSITIVE side of what you DO with your time from another topic so I copied some thoughts below but am also expanding on it.

FIRST- Make this challenge about challenging yourself to become great. "The BEST version of yourself possible." Start by defining your goals. Abe, I noticed on your profile, you're a business major for example. Make goals around what you can do in business. For instance- Zuckerberg only started with an idea and very quickly built on it. Set positive goals and use your time wisely- 'if I were Zuckerberg, WHO would I be trying to meet? What would I be trying to learn? What else do I need to do to run my future business? How can I help people and better the world with my business/ skills? Just a handful of questions to start BUT- suddenly you have OTHER things to surf for and imagine as opposed to filth. Again- if I were Zuckerberg, I wouldn't be fapping away my future if/when I realized it would cost me my future status as one of the world's youngest billionaires. (not to make it about replacing one vice with another however... don't eliminate lust to simply become a greedy bastard, though most likely by eliminating lust, you suddenly become MORE giving and far less selfish.) Maybe create something that helps you to visualize your goal for instance. With the amount of time, energy and potentially fiancial resources you're spending on porn and wasting your life fapping away, MAYBE you could have gotten your 'dream car' or afforded a super nice house. For me personally, it's a Lambroghini... so, in my case- print up a picture of that car as a constant reminder. Part of this approach is also using your brain to your advantage. You will by nature, do more to avoid pain than to gain pleasure. Since the 'high' from PMO and MO is incredibly intense, you have to find something else MORE painful.

Start your process of eliminating porn by destroying ANY content or collection. Try to do something symbolic with it. Realize that it's destroyed part or with some folks seemingly ALL of their life. (Marraiges, childhood, jobs, relationships, anxiety, disorders, drugs, dysfunction, health,objectification, future.. etc etc- goes on and on..) IF you have ANY medium- (cd's, dvd's, flash drive, whatever..) lash out at it. Don't just dump it in the trash (though that's obviously where it belongs). Take it and put it in front of the front wheel of your car and run over it! (assuming you have valid license and aren't either drunk or on drugs when you're behind the wheel..) In any case, make it a statement that you're taking your life back and destroying the old- sweep it up and then dump it in the trash. If it's the old-style magazine type, shred it and then have a ceremonial 'no-bra' burning!

NEXT- do something equally symbolic to move to your new life. If you're Christian or Catholic- step into a church, dip your hand in holy water and make the sign of the cross. Sit and meditate briefly and pray. Incidentally- you don't have to be Christian or Catholic to dip your hand in Holy Water. How do they make Holy Water? They boil the Hell out of it. Get the "Hell" out of your life in a symbolic way. DON'T ever feel 'unworthy'. Church is not a sanctuary or museum for Saints- it's a hospital for sinners.

If you're not religeous, then at a minimum- sit down and write down your personal goals- What DO you want to accomplish? What kind of profession DO you want to achieve? What are your STRENGTHS as a person? What talents do you have that you can contribute and help others? What do you LOVE (versus what do you LUST)? Do what you love and the money will follow but sitting around fapping, PMO and an ongoing downward spiral of depression, angst, anger etc isn't living. Doing what you Love and helping others IS and has incredible rewards for everyone.

Out with the old.... in with the new but you have to not only eliminate the bad but replace it with good behaviour.

 

That's because it truly is a waste of life. Literally, because when you fap you're wasting time. And more implicative in the sense that it steals your quality of life by making you depressed, anxious, irritable or just plain guilty. Or whatever it may do for you.

I remember reading something like "Alcohol borrows tomorrow's happiness". I feel that fapping is similar, if not more extreme than that. A fap can steal tomorrow's through next week's happiness! Our minds are crazy. Getting addicted to a drug that they produce and going all masochistic when they don't get it.

Hang in there, you'll make it.

 

This is definitely true. I've tried many-a-times to quit cold turkey by just thinking really hard: "I'm NOT gonna do this anymore". Needless to say that didn't get me very far. It's only since I started trying to take other positive steps with my life, exercising, meditating, hobbies, playing piano, being nicer to ppl, by trying to work on these things has it become easier to go without P.