Relapsed after 1 year and 9 months

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Xdecidestoquit, Nov 27, 2018.

  1. Xdecidestoquit

    Xdecidestoquit Fapstronaut

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    After few days of serious mental breakdown which you can see in my previous thread, I relapsed. It didn't even feel good. Once last night and another time this morning. I didn't watch porn though but still it's a relapse.

    To the people who might be in the same position as they are reading this message ( in the future maybe) and are considering to masturbate after a long time of nofap, I suggest to seriously think it through.
    I did it because I was goddamn tired of being lonely and all the attempts I had made toward finding a girlfriend.It's just impossible. I am a 29 year old virgin who is very unattractive (3/10 psl) and can do nothing about his life. I am a total useless person. The reason I did it last night was because I was exhausted and fed up with everything in my life. I am digesting the Black Pill.

    I have to find a way to control it though. Of course I have the experience to do that easily. I believe in myself but I have tho think this through because last night I felt like celibacy for one year and nine months was for nothing. It really didn't do anything for me. I am still completely against masturbation addiction as it has the power to destroy your life, especially at the younger age(specifically teenage years). But last night I felt that not masturbating will do me nothing as it did not help me with anything special during these period of time. I did not watch porn during that time but the thought of having sex with someone always crossed my mind every time I went to bed. Also last night I realized it has not helped me with my ED. I did not have one single morning wood during the whole NOFAP period. To be honest, it does not matter that much since I can not have the actual sex. It's pretty sad that there are no brothels here also so I can do something about it, not to mention the thought of getting an STD is what preventing me from streetwalkers.

    Thank you for reading. If you have any question, I'll answer here.

    Edit: You have to be an ugly 29 year old virgin to understand this. This is for the virgin in their late 20's or 30's.
     
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2018
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  2. You need to understand that random sex with a relative stranger will do nothing for your sense of personal fulfilment. In fact, it’s not much different from masturbation.

    You put women and sex on a pedestal, when you should be putting yourself first.
     
  3. Xdecidestoquit

    Xdecidestoquit Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your reply.

    One thing I would like to point out is that how NOFAPPPERS underestimate some instinctive evolutionary behaviors. For example the thing that you just said. "Putting a woman on a pedestal". It reminded me of that black guy's quote in the movie "40 Year Old Virgin". It's ridiculous. No offense though. Most nofappers I have seen here and other forums or even on Instagram keep saying how you can take control over your sexual thoughts while it's nothing but an utter bullshit. I'm really sorry but I know this because I am among those people who refrained themselves from porn for more than a year and I know how it actually works.

    -------> Remember, people:
    -The sexual urges do not go away
    -You will still think about sex and feel bad about it especially if you are virgin
    -If you are ugly, you have to try super hard to get a girl below your level not just your level, so you have to think this through if you are quitting to find a girlfriend because there is no co-relation between celibacy and getting a girlfriend.
    -You have to fight extreme sexual urges some night (just the way I did) and it might -lead to relapse if it is somehow combined with mental breakdown.
    -Procrastination would still be there. It might not be extreme but It is still there, especially if you have ADD.


    Yes there are many benefits and main one is having better willpower. You believe in yourself and can actually quit your other addiction as well. But you have to accept that quitting masturbation won't do magic. It won't. I cringe when people say quitting porn gives them superpower. It's ridiculous.
     
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2018
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  4. ras-tanura

    ras-tanura Fapstronaut

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    I'm a virgin and just turned 30. I'm probably a big ugly loser at this point.

    Let me tell you something my extra year of experience has taught me: real mature women are more likely to choose a partner based on how they make them feel not how they look. The latter are the women who are victims of this sexualized society, and you don't wanna end up with one of them. There is a woman out there who is waiting for you, so please do her a favour and be on the lookout. Sex with someone you love makes all these escorts seem like a joke. Hang in there.
     
  5. bken

    bken Fapstronaut

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    I imagine nofap is different for a virgin because sex is still 'unexplored.' Urges and novelty are close relatives and porn and masturbation work by offering you a combination of these two. This eventually leads to frustration but especially in a virgin since what you're seeing or thinking about remains unexperienced.
    There's no shame in being a virgin no matter how old you are. In fact it's something to be proud of. Your post screams inferiority complex and this does have a connection to pornography. Every time you watch porn or fantasize you put yourself in a inferior position. This makes you think you're not good enough.
    Truth is you are good enough. No one is better than you. Give yourself some credit for abstaining so long. Then pick yourself up again and remind you that you deserve the life you want. You'll find a girl eventually. Don't go losing your virginity to a street girl. You are worth much more than that and you'd definitely regret it when one day a girl who really loves you walks into your life. Also don't put sex on pedestals as others have said. It feels good sure but it's just a memory the day after. Do you know the law of attraction? Something you really want, you won't have. If on the contrary you could care less about it it will end up with you.
     
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  6. Xdecidestoquit

    Xdecidestoquit Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your response. I will actually become 30 in 6 months , so we are somehow in the same boat. Although I admit even a 6 months more experience can differ a lot.

    I do not know if you have heard of the redpilled and bluepilled theory under the category of Looks. I have recently came across to this reality by reading some articles and watching some outstanding videos on YouTube realizing that all this time, the reason behind of me being lonely this far has been due to my ugliness. It's not that I haven't tried. I have been around girls a lot and have had one or two friend who always had girls by their side, even some friends who tried to help me by setting up double dates. I have been into various parties and have seen the disturbing reactions of girls ignoring me or some even looking at me with disgust by just asking them how they are. Also, I can say I am quite funny and I can make girls laugh. I'm sure if I were good-looking I would have had many sexual partners by now. So yeah, to make it short,I've been living in hell which makes it funny that the country I live in is also another hellish part of my life.

    So, I have recently taken the redpill and I believe the truth has been revealed to me.You need to accept that the very basic thing that attracts women is the looks of a man. Do not buy the confidence scam which is nothing but absolute lie. It does not work for ugly guys.

    And yes, I said I might go for an escort, but to be honest, I won't. I'm sure if I go for an escort, I will feel nothing but more empty and void.

    I really need to take some time to think what should I do with my life. It's beyond just quitting porn and masturbation. It's very complicated, I see.

    Anyhow,thanks again for the advice. I appreciate people's response here. It's nice


    I disagree with the porn and inferiority complex relation in my situation. I abstained myself from porn and masturbation for this long and that did not help me with feeling good about myself.I;ve been depressed since I was seventeen. Technically since the time I started to realize I'm not able to attract girls.Even if we have an outer cause for my inferiority complex, it would be me seeing all my friends and all the people around me getting all the attention and sex but not me. I don't see it as inferiority complex by the way but the reality of my life.

    I very much appreciate your kindness for saying that I will eventually find someone. But, honestly, I highly doubt it. The only reason I am alive right now is my family. Nothing more.

    Also regarding the law of attraction: Well, that might work for normal and good looking people but nor for ugly and below average ones. They have to put too much effort on finding a girl, without any certainty of finding one.
     
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2018
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  7. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    I am in a similar situation.
    I was virgin at 29 and decided to go with an escort, and then started to see escorts twice a month. I honestly do not regret that, i put up a lot of sexual experience, but i still can't attract a woman. Tried everything, books, faking it, you name it...i just can't attract any woman, and i'm almost giving up.

    I feel you, but unfortunately i don't have a solution for you, and neither for me.
     
  8. You’re not having sex simply because you are obsessed with sex. It’s pure desperation and that is the most unattractive and pitiable thing in the world.

    If you say to yourself that sex is the aim of existence, sex is the truth, but you still remain unable to convince anyone to go to bed with you, what is the result? Despair.

    You say you’re ugly, but what does that even mean? Are you fat, hairy, disfigured?
     
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  9. Xdecidestoquit

    Xdecidestoquit Fapstronaut

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    I know, man. It's a terrible feeling. I don't know to be honest. I'm going down

    "You will never know the exquisite pain of the guy who goes home alone"
     
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2018
  10. Badme

    Badme Fapstronaut

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    I hate when people call themselves ugly.....
     
  11. Badme

    Badme Fapstronaut

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    How ugly are you.....
     
  12. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    I think that going with an escort wouldn't be bad, it won't help you getting a girlfriend, but you will enjoy some great sex with a beautiful lady...
     
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  13. Omega.

    Omega. Fapstronaut

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    God man, you absolutely reek of insecurity. You need to change that man.

    If you think "accepting the ugly" is a brave move and a jolt towards a factually oriented approach, you are dead wrong.

    Looks are subjective.
    I'm putting this in a spoiler because some idiots may think i'm using the opportunity to brag. I hope you see that I am not. In any case, my avatar is me so you can judge for yourself.
    I've had girls say I'm a 7/10, 8/10, 9/10 and even 5/10 actually haha. It's subjective man. You can't call a 3 and just stick to it, thinking everyone has the same aesthetic preferences as you. They don't.

    To add to the example, I have had the awkwardness of 2 gay men approach me and their behaviour towards me made me feel like i was a fucking model to them.


    If i were to rank myself, i'd be content with nothing less than 10. And that's what you need to do too. Love yourself man. Appreciate your beauty even if nobody else sees it. You must start yourself.
    Treat yourself like a 10.
    Behave like a 10. (I don't mean flaunt it; i mean feel it. Get those vibes going.)
    And don't give a shit what anyone else thinks.
    I admit this sounds highly analogous to some confidence pep talk, but I assire you it is not. This should be the way you live your own life.

    AND THEN. If by chance you meet somone who thinks you're all that, well then- great!

    *and PS- no. Looks don't matter to everyone. And i say this at the age of 18. I've lived less than you but met more people with this philosophy.
    Choose your crowd.
     
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  14. Badme

    Badme Fapstronaut

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    True brother
     
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  15. Xdecidestoquit

    Xdecidestoquit Fapstronaut

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    I really appreciate your advice, young man. But by thinking I am 10, I would not make others think that I am a 10. I know what you mean. It is the same old High Confidence advice.

    Once again, thanks for being nice. I see your picture, although it is a bit small but I can easily tell that you are a handsome dude.

    Thanks and good luck.

    @Badme I am ugly enough to be an involuntary celibate.
     
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  16. Omega.

    Omega. Fapstronaut

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    Naw, i don't mean that exactly. Confidence is a by-product of that man. I mean love yourself. To hell with others' opinions man. At least be happy with your own self man. Even your avatar makes me cringe...

    Lol i'm not going anywhere man. You just gotta boost that self-love first man. This isn't a healthy way to live. We all face criticism everyday. Don't add yourself to that list... know what I mean?
     
  17. UK Lad

    UK Lad Fapstronaut

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    I see you’re from Iran? Lots of beautiful girls there. Why were you having a breakdown what was going on in your life?

    You could try an arranged marriage. It works everytime. Maybe not to someone close but slightly distant.
     
  18. Myfortress

    Myfortress Fapstronaut

    Have you thought of pursuing a close relationship with God. Not sure if you are religious?
     
  19. 1 year is quite an accomplishment. I think you realize this already nofap doesn't do anything for you except take away porn and stop it from being a distraction. The next step is to grow further. The physical attractiveness thing can be overcome. Positive Self image and personality can make you super attractive. read books one good one is psycho cybernetics and release your breaks. Good luck badass.
     
  20. TakingControlPMO

    TakingControlPMO Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, I was wanted to let you know that I was a virgin up until a year and a half ago and I'm 28 now. The first time I had sex I was about 2 years clean from porn, and I got to tell you, my first attempt at sex wasn't pretty. Luckily the girl I was with is a cool girl, and just liked me for who I was. Also, I wasn't getting morning wood up until that point either, so I had this belief that I had ED, but I don't think that's true. I think I was just older and less sensitive to getting morning wood than I was when I was a teenager. Also, the thought that because I wasn't getting morning wood meant that I had ED wasn't helping my cause. What I'm trying to say is, don't limit yourself. If you meet a girl and you guys take a attempt at sex and you don't get hard, it's ok.. Go easy on yourself and try again. It's most likely just anxiety and it will go away with experience. I've just started over after 2 years clean myself. It sucks but at least we're doing something about it. Keep going man. Don't get hung up on "what if's." You'll have sex when you're meant to, and I know that you can.
     
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2018

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