Relapsed After 21 Days - Here Are My Thoughts

I have been addicted to PMO since I was 13 years old (Almost 20 now) and looking back the past couple of years made me realise how porn have affected my life. I used to masturbate to porn almost everyday, but until earlier this month I decided to do NoFap "Easy Mode" (No porn and limiting MO).

What I learned in the past 21 days
I learned how to take control of my emotions. When I was regularly masturbating to porn, I was a very impatient and irritable person - I would easily get angry at meaningless things. I ruined my relationship with a girl whom I dated for several years. She was a very kind person and I loved her a lot but I could not resist insulting and calling her names when things did not go the way I wanted. I literally treated her like garbage, and I would always immediately apologise and feel like shit after verbally abusing her (the same feeling I get after I PMO). But ever since I started NoFap, I feel a lot calmer and being angry seems like a waste of energy. It has been very easy to control my emotions and I would always think of the consequences before I do something.

I feel more confident about myself. Resisting porn was and still very tough for me and looking at my streak count reminds me that I am mentally stronger than I have always thought. Limiting masturbation from 4-5 times a week to only twice in the past 21 days (with no porn and fantasies) gave my energy back and I went to the gym a lot more often. Other than that, I am spending time more wisely. I used to waste hours and hours everyday watching meaningless videos on youtube but now I find myself focusing more on finishing uni assignments and learning new skills such as stock trading.

What I did wrong
I should have never considered "easy mode" an option. I completely overlooked the idea that masturbation even without porn is a slippery step towards relapsing. I did MO yesterday and today I felt a very very strong urge to watch porn hence I relapsed.

Despite relapsing I honestly don't regret it that much. I have passed 21 days with absolutely no porn and so I believe I can do 90+ days without porn and masturbation altogether. I am totally going on monk mode. NoFap gave me the motivation to solve my personal problems and be a better person. I promise to myself that I will not be in a relationship with a girl until I can focus on my goals and be a wiser gentler version of myself.

God Help us All
God Damn the Porn Industry