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Relapsed after 48 days of no PMO

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by double_a, Sep 2, 2015.

  1. Sep 2, 2015 #1
    double_a

    double_a Guest

    I don't know why I watched porn and masturbated last night. I had intense urges that I couldn't control and the temptation was hard to resist. I started fantasizing about women and PMO. I was itching for some sexual release and I was about to go to sleep then I had a spontaneous erection. I thought if I read a book then I would be able to distract myself, but my heart started to beat rapidly. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't take it anymore and grabbed my dad's cell phone and locked myself in the bedroom. I searched up images and masturbated. The few seconds of pleasure felt amazing, then I started to feel guilty and depressed. I used PMO to numb my pain and discomfort.

    48 days is the longest time I have abstained from PMO. Did I approach my goal of 90 days the wrong way? I thought with the 90 day reboot, if I reached my goal, I would regain my emotions and motivation back. My brain is desensitized from all feeling and I hate living like a piece of shit. I tried the daily journal and I thought it was really helping, but I failed. I blocked internet access to my Mom's phone and mine. I can't block the access to my Dad's because he needs it for work. Even if I blocked net access on every device, wouldn't I try to find ways around and masturbate to some photo on a magazine or an image on TV? Triggers are almost everywhere no matter how much I try to block access. I tried to keep myself busy with reading, meditation, exercise, and cold showers, but nothing seems to be working. I have prayed countless times to God for help and asked Jesus for forgiveness.

    I don't know where to go from here. I feel sad that I ruined all my progress for few seconds of pleasure. I am in university now and it is difficult for me to concentrate and focus on my studies. I have no motivation to study and do my assignments. I am sick and tired of dealing with urges and withdrawal symptoms from this horrible addiction for the past 4 years. I feel like I am living Hell on earth and I can't overcome this by myself. I have not experienced any joy or happiness in my life, this addiction has taken everything away. Should I really do this journey of no PMO? Am I committed? What do you recommend? Any advice is appreciated, thank you.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 2, 2015
    double_a, Sep 2, 2015
    double_a, Sep 2, 2015
    #1
    perfect strangers likes this.
  2. Sep 2, 2015 #2
    Reemas

    Reemas Fapstronaut

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    Yo man. I relapsed after 2 years. Imagine how devistated I feel. This is my 6th day. It's sad because all that progress feels like it's gone down the drain but it hasn't. I think you should talk to someone you know, like a friend or a cousin, someone who you can check in with every few hours and can call at any possible moment. These 6 days have been quite painful and I haven't been this sad for quite a while. If I can get back on the horse, so can you my friend, just think about where you want to be in a months time. How you will feel in one months time, you have it in you to break this streak. You can try different things but you need to be able to trust yourself. You need to say it out loud and believe that if you get urges, you can trust your mind to react in a way that will benefit you. It's hard to control the urges, if it was easy no one would be here. I can't always control mine but just believe you can do it because you can do it, I believe in you! Stay Strong! Trust me it gets better, from day 1 to day 6 I feel better. Good Luck. I'm here if you need me!
     
    Reemas, Sep 2, 2015
    Reemas, Sep 2, 2015
    #2
    perfect strangers likes this.
  3. Sep 2, 2015 #3
    R92B

    R92B Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

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    My Journal
    You have masturbated once in 48 days as opposed to every day. You have greatly benefited; more than you think. Don't be too down and let's go again!
     
    R92B, Sep 2, 2015
    R92B, Sep 2, 2015
    #3
    numpty likes this.
  4. Sep 2, 2015 #4
    numpty

    numpty Fapstronaut

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    OP - for a 30day challenge your surpassed it by 160%

    For a 60 day challenge you was 80%

    For the 90 day challenge you was at 53%

    THAT TO ME IS IMPRESSIVE.

    like chefboy said you made progress. Max i done is 22 days with edging and believe me you even with that i noticed changes... HOWEVER i Continued fapping and lost the changes.

    It CAN be done in bits and bobs. People don't encourage this is because it may be abused - this is my belief anyway.

    The worst thing i seen is when people relapse they beat themselves up about it big time and this has a negative affect. I been here too i know how it feels. And then we relapse and relapse and continue to do so.....
     
    numpty, Sep 2, 2015
    numpty, Sep 2, 2015
    #4
  5. Sep 2, 2015 #5
    grADD student

    grADD student Fapstronaut

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    If you don't know where to go from here, that's okay. You're a brother in Christ I take it. When referring to his past, the Apostle Paul said "But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:13-14). Don't be overwhelmed by lost momentum. That time was no meaningless because it let you know what it felt like to find some freedom. Press on! Also, here's a video that is helping me work through the genuine changes I need to make as well. You can do this, brother!

     
    grADD student, Sep 2, 2015
    grADD student, Sep 2, 2015
    #5

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