Relapsed after 88 days. The day after.

I recently posted a thread where I told you about my relapse after 88 days hard mode. Please read it first:

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/the-greatest-lesson-i-learned-ever.145712/

In this post, I am going to tell you about how the next day went, what happened, how I felt and how I perceived everything around me.

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THE DAY AFTER:

I went to bed as an adult and I woke up as a teenager. I didn't give a shit about the world. My legs felt so heavy they crushed the mattress. My head felt like some kind of electricity had been rushing through it. The dopamine. It was still there, as clear as the black coal that is left behind by a flamethrower on a battlefield.
I grabbed my phone and started browsing mindlessly. No need to get up yet, there was plenty of time. It took a lot of nerve but eventually, I got out of bed.

From that moment, my day became like an odyssey. All I wanted was to get home. Every moment felt doubtful and pointless. Preparing something in your mind to say felt like being a punished child that wants to speak but is not allowed to.
Paying attention to people talking to you was like watching a robot uttering sentences; you understand everything they say but you don't care.

During the day, sudden rushes of excitement came out of nowhere. A fantasy, an urge to move my muscles and return to where my brain gets what it craves. I started noticing the all too familiar pattern slowly creeping over me. A split second of chemical reactions and diabolical horniness that felt wonderful. Not this time. I stood up and went for a walk.

The urge went away. I needed this distraction. I needed to stay busy. After a couple of minutes, I thought to myself: "That's it. This is what I was writing about yesterday. Right now, I am taking a walk. This could be something on my daily schedule, a goal. What if added something else to my schedule? An hour in the gym? A book by the fireplace, maybe? Practicing my guitar? There would be no chance for any of these urges to appear. No fantasies surprising me out of nowhere, no nothing. I came back from my walk and started working on a schedule, a plan that would deal with every area of my life I wanted to see improved. Then, I closed my eyes and started to imagine myself as a busy person, a celebrity, a successful manager, a famous person who helps people and is loved by millions. The image was so long-lasting and intense that I began to like the feeling. Not the feeling of being any of those people, but the feeling of doing the things they do. Every hour of every day.

After this, I believe that you can imagine anything that seems difficult or boring in a different light: Try focusing on the purpose of it. Now, there are many things that are not fun at all to do but we must do them to get ahead in life. But what would it be like to do them for their own sake? Maybe that's the secret. Imagine you would make an art out of ironing your shirts. What would a shirt-ironing championship look like (maybe there is something like this already)?

I hope I could help you with my experience. Good luck, keep fighting and above all: STAY BUSY!