Relapsed after home isolation - here we go again

WindWolf

WindWolf

Fapstronaut
Hello to all, I decided to finally join nofap for a sense of accountability.

This is my story, if you're interested. (Its not short)

You see, I've been trying to achieve self control in this area of my life since puberty, never fully succeeding but fighting fiercely - I once destroyed all my devices in order to escape the temptation of P, but it didn't help with M, and after a few months I had to get a new device and shortly relapsed.

Being a christian I have an advantage (I know freedom from vices can be achieved through hardcore discipline as well), having counselors and books to guide me, but I discovered that it's ultimately a very personal struggle, that no one can decide in your stead how to feel or act...

Anyway, at one point I was so fed up with my failings, that I took 2 days to fast and pray exclusively about my problem, and believe it or not, from that day forth, the urge to watch P just didn't have any power over me anymore. Those few first days were euphoric for me, just pure freedom...

However, M impulses still plague me from time to time, not as strongly as in the past, but they are still there. (If you ask "Why didn't God just take this away as well?" I believe that this is a temptation He knows I can overcome by willpower, and it might make for good mental and spiritual training : )

Two months ago, lock-down ensued in my city, and I decided I wouldn't waste my time while locked in; I managed to "fix my shit" during lock-down, to establish a routine, to read, to work out and most importantly, to abstain from PMO (of course its really the M part that gives me trouble).

Come present day, when the lock-down ended in my city, and with the freedom (and necessity) to move around came tiredness, and with tiredness came disruptions to my routine, and so came edging, and finally, I relapsed M-ing. 5 times in 3 weeks. This is bad.

So here I am, joining nofap for it's quality of bringing perspective in such a situation and for a little accountability.
See you around.
 
Welcome! Looks like we are both here for the same reason. P isn’t a problem for me as I was able to overcome it 11 years ago. M, on the other hand, has been a lot tougher to overcome. I’m making some good progress now that I have a more focused fight and support here on NoFap. Best of luck to you here! :)
 
WindWolf said:
Thank you all, it's good to know I'm not alone on this journey : )
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It’s nice to meet someone who shares my disdain for M. Many people here on NoFap (including the founders) believe that M in moderation is normal and healthy. I have tried to do it in moderation and I still feel guilty and depressed. I know that it’s wrong and it isn’t just because I’ve been taught that growing up. With M you are playing with some powerful emotions that can end up leading down the rabbit hole to some horrible things. M is insatiable.

It sounds like you were doing pretty well until your circumstances changed. Working out has helped me a lot. I also find that keeping myself busy and productive helps keep those urges at bay.
 
Jefe Rojo said:
It’s nice to meet someone who shares my disdain for M. Many people here on NoFap (including the founders) believe that M in moderation is normal and healthy. I have tried to do it in moderation and I still feel guilty and depressed. I know that it’s wrong and it isn’t just because I’ve been taught that growing up. With M you are playing with some powerful emotions that can end up leading down the rabbit hole to some horrible things. M is insatiable.

It sounds like you were doing pretty well until your circumstances changed. Working out has helped me a lot. I also find that keeping myself busy and productive helps keep those urges at bay.
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Exactly, I mean, my conscience is making me feel guilty about it, being at the hands of a whimsical and dopamine hungry brain, with no self control... It's pretty sad.

And yes, I discovered that working out, cold showers, a well defined purpose and (quite importantly I think), the knowledge that the urge is only temporary, are very useful tools.
 
Hey, welcome to the NoFap community
: )

It's nice to see you here fighting the good fight alongside us!
First let me go ahead and drop some helpful links for you:
Getting Started Guide / Forum Rules / How to Use the NoFap forums/ Glossary/ NoFap Panic button/
Set up your day counter /
Rebooting Resources/
Accountability groups (new!)/
About NoFap/ Support NoFap

Here is just some advice:
First and foremost please take a careful look at each section in the forum, there may be something(s) you will find to be of big help to you.

Secondly I advise you to be active on your profile(as there a few active people in the profile section). Please start by choosing an avatar and then begin posting frequent status posts to show you're active and needing support/encouragement.
The forum has got a neat little feature that shows freshly posted statuses for all users to see.
People will find your profile and give you support.

There’s a portion of people who love communicating in the profile section..(it should be and is )mostly spportive talk but it doesn't hurt to deviate from supportive conversations. It would be great to have you join in and become part of the team!
We support others in the threads, profile posts, and journals/reboot logs.
Once you receive some support, please be sure and be grateful to the member for the help/support you received and consider giving some in return to anyone you wish.

Thirdly, you should highly consider creating a public journal/reboot log (in the appropriate sectionfor you) to write about your days in depth for us members to follow along on your journey and offer support to you on.

Please start your journal in the correct section and with that, also try your best to post in the correct sections as it is mandatory and would be helpful to the mods who organize the forum. : )

Last but not least: Good luck on your journey here, make sure to really give it a try with all your heart!
 
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