Relapsed again

Well, I made it to 40 something days. I will be completely honest. I did watch porn a handful of times during the lapse of the 40 days. It was hard to say the very least. In the beginning I was unable to go over 10 days without masturbation. It was like my body and mind both worked against me. My mind would reminisce about videos I had seen. I tried to occupy myself with other things. I would read books, play video games, spend more time with my wife and son. It helped. I was able to reach the 40 day mark without masturbating but yesterday, yesterday I finally relapsed. My own fault. I cannot believe what that i wasted all those days of success over a couple minutes of pleasure. I felt really disappointed. Judge me all you want. I am a person that was saved and baptized in Jesus’s name. I’ve failed numerous amounts of times. Each time asking, begging, crying inside for forgiveness. I’m tired of living 2 lives. Although, I did confess to my wife a year or so ago. She’s been getting the vibe from me that I’m hurting/struggling again. I’m afraid she’ll find out and leave me. Every time she brings up the topic I laugh it off and play it as if it’s really nothing, but, it is. The urge visits me atleast once a week. Does anyone else have any tips on what to do? I wouldn’t consider myself an extreme addict but why wait till that point. I completely want to stop watching porn. Even if it’s once a week or once a month. I’ve been doing this on and off since I was 13 or 14 yrs old. I’ve tried to install blockers on my cell but I really want to do this on my own with Gods help. Life doesn’t have blockers for us. We have to resist on our own. The doors to strip club, to a prostitution house, a drug house are always open. I feel that it’s things we should fight alone.