Relapsed and First Time here

Hey guys,

i honestly think of this a some form of therapy for me. I have tried to talk to a few friends of mine about my P addiction or Masturbationen addiction, but they all seem to think I am crazy and it is not so bad. I have been watching P or looking at Images for probably 12 years now. Never really understood why my dick wasn’t really working or why I wasn’t really drawn to woman. I mainly focused on my job and never really got involved with woman. Had 2 6 month relationships from 17 years to 29 years of age. Luckily I am pretty well of with my job. Now I have a GF that I really love and enjoy being around (1 year 8 month) was not watching P for over a year. But I Looked at pics of her and mastrubated Daily. We only see each other for a month and than a month not and so one. When I am alone and away from her we do Chat games frequently. Unfortunately about 6 month ago I started looking at other girls again on IG and than slowly relapsed back into to porn. I just don’t feel pleasure during sex and can’t seem to connect. It’s such a horribale feeling, I Know I love her but P is getting in the way. Whenever I M I feel like shit, but somehow I have todo it the next day. So far my longest streak has been 5 days. But than my GF and I did the chat thing again. And only hours after that I wanted to look at Pics or other naked girls. Next morning I was back to P videos. It’s causing so much anxiety that is just not normal anymore. I honestly go into watching this stuff with disgust, I hate myself already just when I type stuff into the search bar. Yet I need to M. This is the first time where I caught myself crying for help and support because I honestly think I am to weak. I wish I could just toss my computer and phone and hide the woods for a few month. I know my patterns. I even know my stupid triggers, yet I fall for them everytime. I was hoping to replace my triggers with your guys help. Everytime I feel the urge I will go online and write you and hope someone is here, just so I know I am not alone and that I know I have support. Because my surrounding isn’t supportive (grant I didn’t tell them the full extend)

thank you so much

can someone please tell where the best place (in the forum) is to write when I need to over come a trigger?
Thank you