relapsed at day 86.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by thedaiem, Sep 20, 2014.

  1. thedaiem

    thedaiem Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys. Hope all of you are doing well. I am not. I just threw away an 86 day streak. My longest ever. In fact this is my first relapse since joining nofap in july. I thought i had this porn thing beaten and put to bed. But boy was i wrong. I started abstaining in june during the holidays and everything was going great until suddenly college started and i had 3 tests every week. I had no expererience with stress with nofap and as soon as the stress hit, one thing led to another and i was jerking off to porn. I could've gone on a binge as most relapsers do but i stopped myself after PMO-ing twice. Im looking to hit back now. It will be harder but i WILL do it. I did it before i can do it again. Im not trying to dwell too much on the relapses although i am so DISAPPOINTED with myself but dwelling and grieving wont do any good. I guess i let my guard down and satan was there to exploit the cracks. My new goal is to achieve 365 days. And i will do it will all my will. To all those out there, stay strong and dont let the 'new drug' control you. For we are the first of many to come to realize what an abomination this industry is. Feedback would be appreciated. Cheers and good luck.
     
  2. Tombuktu

    Tombuktu Fapstronaut

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    So sorry to hear about your relapse and I cannot imagine how you must be feeling having achieved 86 days of abstinence. It's a good thing that you are positive and are deciding to look to the future rather than doweling in self-pity and the past. Wishing you all the best. May be a a good thing to find out why exactly you relapsed. Things don't just happen all of a sudden. You might have allowed some slippery behaviours that accrued to cause the relapse. Good luck
     
  3. mfhadla

    mfhadla Fapstronaut

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    if you compare this relapse to the previous time you relapsed you should be proud of your achievement, you can know how much you've proceeded in your battle .... so you should be very happy .... life is not over, pick it up and go on bro ...

    by the way: I've just survived a relapse ... I thought I was going to fall again until I read your heartily words :
    To all those out there, stay strong and dont let the 'new drug' control you. For we are the first of many to come to realize what an abomination this industry is

    thank you for saving me :)
     
  4. monkotto

    monkotto Fapstronaut

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    86 days for healing your mind.

    dont worry too much. start again and beat 86 days.

    good luck.
     
  5. EoT23

    EoT23 Fapstronaut

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    If its of any consolation, in addiction terminology is there is a slip, a lapse, and relapse. A slip for P-addicts would be looking at provacative or P-material. A lapse would be PMO'ing once or twice within a small amount of time. A full relapse usually involves a complete reversal of behavior and just about giving up on improving yourself. From what i see you saying you have not relapse, you slipped lapsed. You are not your counter. you should mark your behavior on a calander, cause its not just about your streak but about how your behavior improves over time. Both are important but people here tend to stress the counters because thats the only tool they use.

    Also, it is always better to MO than to PMO. Porn culture has made us confuse the two because we think of sex for both of them, but PMO is way more psychologically damaging than MO ever was (MO is only really really bad with certain forms of sex addiction.) You want to try to avoid both to keep you at your best but there is a difference between light beer and moonshine, understand?

    Anyways, I wouldn't even be to upset that this happened after an 86 day streak, i'd be happy if I made it out 86 days without slipping up. Progress is key, no go exercise or something, and keep praying and harping out to God for forgiveness and help.
     
  6. createsmyownluck

    createsmyownluck Fapstronaut

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    Reading your post is kind of ironic because I also just relapsed after an 86 day streak! I learned not to take this lightly anymore and am more resolved than before to get to 100+ days. Its pretty rough, but redouble your efforts moving forward and use what you learned during your streak to make sure you don't have any slip ups next time. Best of luck moving forward!
     
  7. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

    Hey I just relapsed after 43 days and survived two wet dreams, and the day I relapsed wasn't even a stressful day or day when I was particularly horny. I just kinda wanted to fap, which shows just how easy it is for those porn wiring to get fired up again.

    The days after I thought I'd feel like shit but surprisingly it wasn't so bad. What I've learned is I can go one step further 42 days was my most ever the next time I can stretch it to 60 then 90... Slowly but surely eliminating those horrible neuro wiring. The future looks brighter.
    .
    Keep on.... keeping on.
     
  8. Don't you worry bro and don't allow that small lapse to overshadow your great streak. I imagine my brain as a empty glass..previously you probably used to fill that glass with filthy imagery and fantasies really fast..lat's say every week you would fill it up and then explode in the form of PMO. Now you have to consider the fact that you improved a lot, i mean you need now over 80 days to fill up your glass. That means that you are actually improving man. But this doesn't apply if you behave in a fatalistic way and think things like.."ooh what have I done,,i had such a nice streak"..That is the matter of the moment..and mankind is never more ready to sell whole eternity of relaxation for the moment of false happiness..I now realize Einstein's theory of relativity of time. It's like the whole 80 days stuck into 1 millisecond. Hang on bro and don't lose hope ;)
     
  9. happyday

    happyday Fapstronaut

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    I like your way of thinking
    Beside not dwelling your self you need to sit down and really think what did I do wrong so you can avoid it this time
    Good Luck
     
  10. LustFREE

    LustFREE Fapstronaut

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    Relapsing after a long streak can be tough but you do seem to have the right attitude and approach. It's important to realize that it can take many attempts. The good news is- you DIDN'T just "Throw out" 86 good days. You're able to better build off of that now. Think of it like lifting weights. At first, you struggle to lift some amount. Then, through exercise and building muscle, you're able to get further and become stronger. Even though a counter is reset- don't let that number define your healing and progress. It took me many attempts and failures until, through the support of this community, I managed to put this behind me. Even so, I still have urges and take every one seriously. The difference now is I have the tools and DO take everything seriously. Good luck on your continued progress!!
     
  11. Tired of Fapping

    Tired of Fapping Fapstronaut

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    Hey man I feel ya. I got stressed out by upcoming exams and I was sick and tired and I slipped. Ended up MO'ing then PMO'ing twice afterwards. 72 days down the drain. I will start again but this time I will do it better and go for 100 days!
     
  12. thedaiem

    thedaiem Fapstronaut

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    Thanks guys. I know that i cant afford to dwell even for a little while. What's done is done. Nothing i can do. Im 20 hours since i relapsed and so far so good. But i know that i cant afford to let my guard down for a second even. Stress from tests and studies was the reason i relapsed and im trying to cope now. Its not easy but i have to stay positive and because i abstained for 86 days my brain isnt that bad and those dopamine cravings are not that strong. I feel like i have to choose. Live a life of porn and hyper-sexualization or strive and one day fall in love with a beautiful girl and be happy. People, stay strong, be positive and dont lose hope. You're already hurt, you're already in pain, get a reward from it. If you quit however, it will last forever.
     
  13. mfhadla

    mfhadla Fapstronaut

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    well said Lustfree
     
  14. Goodmood

    Goodmood Fapstronaut

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    86 steps forward, 2 steps back.
     

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